Juxtapose of a Gemini

black and white sheep

As a Gemini, I have two sides. One is the quiet and observant introvert and the other is an opinionated and honest individual. But only when I’m around people I know. It’s a juxtapose of a Gemini. Most people don’t realise there is another side of me. But they don’t usually bother to get to know me better to find out. If I act differently from the usual people are surprised. I do have that ‘crazy’ side but I only show it to the right people. I might look serious but I can be silly too. It just needs to be the right moment and mood. When I’m comfortable with someone I show that other side to them.

I don’t know what it is. Maybe it’s an age thing but recently I thought about past happenings. People I met and so on. Especially experiences from the opposite sex. I won’t go into detail since it’s personal stuff. Let’s just say, it feels like I attract idiots to myself. It’s either guys I don’t feel drawn to or it’s guys that are idiots. Mostly the latter. No wonder I fall for men I can’t have. It saves me from heartache. I never meet anyone like Tom Hiddleston or Lee Pace. OK, I don’t know them for real but they seem decent and not arrogant at all. But there’s is no such men in real life. They probably wouldn’t even look my way. Some men expect women to be like models but the men themselves look like they’re from a horror movie. It’s all true, good men are hard to find. They either taken, gay or idiots. If I used something like Tinder I would probably be rejected there too. Some might be scared to be dying alone but I don’t stress about it. Once you’ve seen the promising land, single life, there is no turn back. That’s better then be cheated on or be dumped because of the guy found someone much younger than you. At least that’s what you read about. It doesn’t mean it would happen to me.

I’m more than meets the eye but it’s always been about looks. Even in friendships. From my experience, girls especially, are quite judgemental. If you don’t do girly stuff, you’re out of their circle. This is just my point of view. It doesn’t mean it’s entirely true. I met women who aren’t like that at all. But when you’re a teenager, these things affect you. I guess my former classmates were self-observed. They probably didn’t even have bad skin. If girls don’t judge you, then the opposite sex will. Being yourself isn’t enough. You also have to look like any other girl/women. I don’t envy teenage girls of today. With this internet thing and all. It’s a sensitive age where this kind of things can affect you. It doesn’t help that these celebrities date or marry beautiful people. Boys see these girls/women and they grow up thinking this is what women should look like. I think it’s a bit strange how these celebs find these people and even marry them. How could they know they find the one? Do they choose them because they don’t want to be judged by other people? I just think it’s isn’t entirely possible to find the one among beautiful people. It could even be me. What I’m saying is, looks aren’t everything but in my world, it seems to be. I’m a likeable person and I care about others but I don’t get any credit for that. But because I look the way I do, I get overlooked.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. If someone judges you by your appearance, they only look down on you. People like that are not worth having. It’s really their loss if they don’t want to be your friend or date you because of the way you look. I used to feel so worthless and unwanted. The good thing about getting older is that you stop caring what others think. I’m happy for who I am and I don’t need to change because someone has a certain formula to go by. I don’t have to act or look like any other female. I’m a tomboy for crying out loud. This post, in the beginning, might sound I felt down but that was an hour ago. That’s a juxtapose of a Gemini, I change my mind all the time. What I don’t change is my way of looking at the world. I try to stay positive even if it’s sometimes hard. I wish others would think more about deep things in this superficial universe. There are more important things to care about than how you look to other people. All that matters is that you feel good about yourself and you’re proud of who you are.

sherlock quote

You infected me with Hiddlestoner

proud hiddlestoner textBefore everything was fine. There were no distractions. At least not this kind. Then I got infected with Hiddlestoner. Fandom of British actor, Tom Hiddleston. Every person in a fandom is different. A different perspective. For some, it can just be someone they admire or look up to. Then there are those who want to marry them. Of course, that’s just a fantasy. It won’t come true. Besides that kind of thoughts disappear as soon as they meet a person in real life. Being a fan is not only for teenagers. On Urban Dictionary there is kind of funny description of what a Hiddlestoner is. Some people can take it a bit too far but as long as it’s only harmless fun no harm done.

I wouldn’t really feel comfortable calling myself a real Hiddlestoner. I don’t go searching for info or photos of him. They just happen to appear somewhere. Mostly on Pinterest these days. Somethings I don’t want to know.  Like his personal life because that’s not my business. It feels a bit weird being called a fan because he’s so much more than an actor to me. Sometimes I wish he could just be someone you meet in a normal situation. Then again if he was just a so-called ordinary person, I wouldn’t know about him. Let’s face it, you won’t find a person like him on the street. Especially in my country. He wouldn’t even notice me, actor or not. So it wouldn’t really matter what the situation would be. How does anyone really know what he’s really like? Maybe it’s just good branding. Be nice and charming and the admires will come. I’m not saying it’s all an act. I did fall for that same “marketing strategy” A lot later but still.

I see a lot of these “oh he’s so perfect” Sorry but he’s not. No one is. In interviews, he only tells you what he wants you to know. Anyone have their flaws so he’s no different from the rest of us. Famous people, in general, are put up on a pedestal and people see them as “perfect” But they’re still human but a lot of money to spend. A lot of these fangirls of Tom probably think everything he does or says is perfect. Not even his acting is perfect. That’s a part you can improve in though. He might look perfect but still not totally flawless. I do admit it was his appearance I noticed first. I actually didn’t even know how he looked like until I saw the video on Youtube with the Sesame Street’s Cookie Monster. I knew about Loki but I hadn’t cared about Marvel movies at all. After I saw ‘The Night Manager’ I knew there was no turn back. So thank you, Tom, for destroying another life.