There will be no white flag above my door

flags
Made in Canva. Flags made by me.

The blog title is from Dido’s song “White Flag” Like the song says, “And I won’t put my hands up and surrender” If you give in, well you give in. But giving up should not be an option. If you’re tired you should take a rest and not force yourself to do things. Yesterday I had a very tiring day after all the sneezing I had. My note kept itching and I sneezed several times all day. That is very tiring. I didn’t feel like doing anything. I was supposed to do my school assignments but I was just too tired. But then I took a rest and now I feel much better. I could just have given up and let it be the way I’ve done them so far. But I don’t want to leave them unfinished. I didn’t want to do a bad job. I’m almost finished with the assignments but I still have some writing to do. Tomorrow I might get some more ideas. This was just one example of giving up. Or the lack of it. When I study something I take it seriously. I wasn’t always like that.

When I was younger I gave up with school work because I thought it was hard. But I had to pay for that later. I’ve given up twice when it came to education. One was in photography and the other was a business school. The later was for a different reason. The photography one was something I wanted to study but it was in a place where it was quite difficult to get to. I had a great roommate but that was probably the only reason it was OK to be there. If only digital photography was more common at the time. If I had continued who knows where I would have been now. In 2009 I studied graphic design and I decided then I would not quit ever no matter what. It was a 2-year education and I did have moments where I wanted to quit. But because of the teachers and a psychologist I could talk to, I didn’t. It was quite lonely in the evening because all my classmates lived at home. Only one of them lived in the dorm but she had her own friends. The education itself was interesting but the rest was quite hard. I wasn’t really friends with my classmates. Sometimes we talked but that’s it. Most of them were smokers so I didn’t belong in that group. They were nice people but still, they had their own little world. A bit unfair if you ask me. Smokers united. Yuck.

I really haven’t quit any education after that. When you get older you’re more resilient when it comes to drawbacks. Everything can’t always be fun games. Sometimes you have to do things that you’re not comfortable with or hate doing. You should never give up on yourself even if someone else does. A lot of people will be jealous because you know what you want to do with your life. Anyone can give advice but it’s up to you if you should act on it or not. If you do everything someone else says, you will lose yourself. If they say you can’t do it, prove them wrong. If not for them, do it for yourself. No one knows you better than you. If everyone would give up, a lot of things would have been undone. You don’t have to invent something that will change the world. You should do things that make you happy. If someone tries to rush you to do things, just relax and take your time. No one should be in that kind of hurry that they can’t wait. People stress needlessly about choices they think they have to make. If it’s meant to happen it will and if not, then move on. You shouldn’t dwell on things you can’t control. Maybe it’s because of my laid-back attitude but I don’t worry too much about anything. I do obsess over things but I do it in my head. I might look calm on the outside but my mind is full of different conflicts. After I’ve been thinking through them, I move on.

Life is never easy for anyone. If you give up as soon as you hit problems, you don’t appreciate life well enough. Strong people should help the ones who aren’t but it seems people have forgotten how. There are so much greed and rudeness in the world. You don’t have to like a person but at least be nice to them. Even a fake smile is better than no smile at all. People give up too easily when it comes to meeting new people. I really dislike this first impression thing. In others words, you have to be something you’re not. If people wouldn’t wave the white flag so easily when they first meet me, I could have at least one friend outside the internet. You should get to know the person before judging them. Already having enough friends, is not a good excuse. But if they’re so set in their ways, they’re not worth having. Being alone is better than being with people who give up on you as soon as things change. Not finding friends is probably the only time I have the white flag above my door.

 

Unfurl the white flag

unfurl flowerNever give up, they say. But I’m about to unfurl the white flag. Before someone starts to worry, I don’t mean life. Things are not that bad. I have things to live for. When it comes to finding something to fill life with, that’s where my patience is failing. Life can’t be only about eating, sleeping and sit in front of the computer. It’s been summer and I’ve just had a lot of free time on my hands. But I have deserved a break after all that studying I did. The older you get, the more exhausting studying is. Even a short holiday is good for you. I went with my dad to Stockholm last weekend. It was rainy days with some sunshine. I slipped on stairs to a bathroom and hurt my right arm but luckily it’s back to normal. That was enough of excitement for the whole year. It scared the hell out of me when I got hurt. Abroad and a broken arm, no fun. I was so relieved nothing serious happened. I couldn’t bend the arm for a day or two. Being right-handed it would have been a disaster if it had been longer. After an experience like that, you need another break but summer is over soon.

I should get something to do in the Autumn. Soon I’ll forget what I’ve learned in web design. That’s what the white flag is for. I’m lost of hope of finding a job in the open market. They always require skills I don’t have. I could be an intern in some company but I’ve only had those and not a job that pays. When I search for the keyword “Web Designer” online, I get “Web Developer” It’s not really the same thing. I haven’t developed anything. At the moment ‘Web Designer’ is only a title. Maybe I’m modest but I don’t feel like one. Actually, I don’t feel like I’m anything. Last time I designed a website was in school. But I did that for free and it was easier to find a client. Now I’m in the real world and I have to do real work. I don’t know what I’m afraid of if I become self-employed. There’s the money issue and the other is networking. I’m not very good at valuing how much something costs either. Everything seems so complicated. If would be easier to work for someone else. But if there’s no job out there, maybe I just have to do it the hard way.

Tallenna

Tallenna

Tallenna

Tallenna