What comes natural to you, comes unnatural to me

summerlovinHave anyone said to you how easy it is to do things? How easy it is to become friends with strangers. Easy to learn a new language, play a new instrument etc. For some its second nature but what comes natural to you, comes unnatural to me.

I don’t know how I had friends when I was a child. When I tried to get a new friend as I got older, it felt unnatural. It only feels weird if I talk to people I’ve just met. I never seem to know what to say. I hate starting conversations because I feel its forced and I don’t do anything I don’t feel like doing. Talking about anything is waste of energy. I need a good reason to start a conversation and not because I need to talk to people. People seem to talk about things I really don’t care about. That’s one of the reasons I don’t have any friends. I haven’t found a single person who has the same interest as me. Not even online. I’m also not at the same level most are at my age. Even if I did have a job or somewhere to study, becoming friends with someone is an impossible task. I prefer being by myself because that’s what feels natural to me. Having other people around is good from time to time but me-time is more important. If people only would understand that being social is not about being talkative. I might be quiet but I’m not mute. Maybe I’m just a boring person so no one bothers to get to know me.

Other thing that feels unnatural to me, is marketing my skills. There are 3 questions I especially don’t know what to reply to. Telling about myself, what can I offer to a company and why should I be hired. I’ve tried to write down what I’m good at but I never get much written down. It’s much easier to write down weaknesses. Bragging is not natural in the Finnish culture. We tend to put our skills down instead of praising them. I’m good at many things but nothing I can do perfectly. I haven’t achieved anything I could put in my CV. Writing applications is a pain since I’m not sure if my skills are good enough. For some people it’s easy to know what they want and can do. For them its natural but not for me.

What does feel natural to me is writing fan fiction or blogging. It’s my way to express myself. I might not be the best but I’m good enough to have it as a hobby. I also know it feels natural to photograph. It’s the best when you don’t need to think about technical things and just click away. As soon as I start to think about shutter speed and aperture, it frustrates me. It’s then it doesn’t feel natural. I just can’t that technical stuff stuck in my brain no matter how much I try to practise.
My computer skills feels natural too but that’s because I’ve used it since the 90’s. I’m no computer nerd and I can’t fix it if it breaks. But when it comes to using programs and the internet, that comes naturally to me.

Tallenna

Tallenna

I’m creative because I can

Some are good in Math. Some are good at singing. Some can write music. Some can drive a Formula 1 car. Some are good at sports. But I’m good at creative things. Being creative doesn’t only mean drawing or painting very well. I can’t do any of those. You can be creative in a lot of things.

On Discover the subject is, why do you create? I could concentrate on why I write or why I photograph but since I can do more than just that, I’ll mix them up. Writing and photography do go hand in hand when it comes to blogging. Those are not the reasons why I do it. I’m only not  writing a blog but I also write fan fiction. Will come to that later. Writing is my way of expressive myself and also write down things I think about. It’s easier to write than talk. If you talk to a person there might be things you forget to say but when you write, you have time to think. That’s one the reasons why I write. Other reason is that it’s fun. You get creative when you think about different things. It starts with a thought and when you write it down it comes reality. Writing has taught me about story telling. There’s a start, a middle and an ending. I’ve also studied journalism and screen play writing which has also helped me. I’ve written since I was 7 years old. I used to have diaries where I wrote about my thoughts and what I’ve been through. Even about crushes I had. It’s kind of funny to read them now.

I’ve been writing fan fiction for years in English. Sometimes I also read them. It’s a great way to learn the language. I mostly write RPF (real person fiction) but I’ve tried a couple of other genres to. I write them because it’s fun and you learn how to write fiction. I only do it as a hobby. I don’t want to become an author. I’ve got so many ideas in my head so have to write them down. Like in blogging, it’s a way to express myself and get thoughts written down. Some read books, some write them. I read fan fiction and I write them. If I wouldn’t write down my imagination, I would go mad.
I mostly read RPF because that’s what I write. I’m not a fan of slash fiction because it’s just weird to read them.
Sometimes I post my fics online if I think they’re good enough. Sometimes I just write for myself. Don’t ask me where I get my inspiration from because that’s a bit private. I can tell you it’s about the person I’m writing about. Enough said. If someone doesn’t know who the person I’m writing about is, begins to get interest in them after reading my fics, then I’ve done something right. It has happened to me recently. I’ve read some fan fiction about an actor I have never paid that much attention to before. But now I see them in a totally different light after reading those. And the fics are made up and has nothing to do with the real person. Which can be a bit strange since it’s not really them.

Photography used to be something I did when I was on vacation or on events. It was never my hobby. I only started it as a hobby in later years. The first photo I took was when I was 6 years old. We were on holiday in Europe after my sister passed away. The 2 photos I took were taken in Switzerland or maybe it was Austria. It was a film camera so one of them was a bit blurry.
In 1990 I got my first own film camera. One of the first photos I took was only test photos but later I took it with me on holidays. Then it broke so the only camera I had was a video camera (which I also know how to use). The quality wasn’t the best. I became more interested in photography in 2001. I even went to school to study it but I quit because it wasn’t as I expected it to be. One of the teacher’s was old-school and refused to have anything to do with digital photography. Film was the one and only for him. That was one of the reason why I didn’t think photography was my thing after all. I wanted to become pro but this school just spoiled it all.
I only took up photography as a hobby in 2007 and 2008 I bought a DSLR because that’s what was recommended to me. People have also liked my photography but if the photo are professional enough, it’s a different matter. I don’t only want to take photos to my blog but also more professional one’s. I don’t know if I want to become a pro anymore because then you should photograph all the time. But something with photography would be nice.
When I haven’t photographed in ages, I can feel it in my bones. If I don’t have a camera then I use my tablet even if the quality in that isn’t the best. I would never had thought photography would be so important to me. Digital photography really has opened a lot of opportunities. Without that I would probably not be as eager as I am now. It gives you freedom to move around and make other people happy with your photos. So even if I don’t get paid to do it, photography will always be my main priority.

I always wanted to have a creative job so I’ve had problems finding my niche. Maybe I’m too picky but other kind of jobs bore me. I couldn’t do non-creative things for very long. I’ve studied graphic design but I can’t draw and I’m not very good at planning things either. I’m a creative person but not as creative as I liked. If I was, I would probably have a job by now. Creativity is not about getting your bills paid, it’s about the feeling you get when you create something. So I create because I can.