Happy birthday and anniversary dear mum in heaven

My mothers orchid in bloom 2016

It’s soon been 3 years since mother was taken away from us. She would have turned 71 today and my parents would have been married for 44 years. This post is not about celebrations though.
It’s mythical what happens for a person who passes away. My mother didn’t think anything happens. You just die and that’s it. I really hope it isn’t so. But no one will never know what really happens after we’re dead. Maybe it feels better to think that there are a life after this one. Death in general can be intimating for some but for me it’s just natural. No one get out of this world alive so death is nothing to be afraid of.

What scares me the most is what happens in this world. When I die I hope it’s not in pain. I hope I won’t get a disease like my sister and mother did. I’ve seen how it does to a person and I don’t want to experience that. But you never know what way you die. I could be walking down the street and bang, a car hits me. I rather die quickly than slowly and in pain. I hate pain. Even menstrual cramps makes feel ill.
I’m also afraid of dying before I get to live a life. Death itself is not scary to me. When I was a teen, I had days I wish I wasn’t alive. I didn’t plan to kill myself, it never went that far. But I was depressed when it felt like I wasn’t good enough. You say things when your angry but regret it later. It wouldn’t have been fair to my parents if I died. They had suffered enough. Luckily I grew out of it when I became an adult. Now my life is precious to me even if there are things missing.

Why do we remember deceased birthdays? They’re not here to see and hear it. I think it’s just a way to remember them. It’s not like we’re gonna forget they’re dead. We remember them at Christmas and All Saint’s day (at least in Finland) so why not birthdays. We don’t celebrate a birthday like a person who’s alive. But there’s nothing wrong with remembering a person who’s not. It’s a great comfort to think there is a life after this and thinking the person watches over you. A birthday of them is one way to celebrate the memories of them.

If there is a heaven, my mother would be celebrating one way or another. So have a happy birthday mum and we’re remembering yours here on earth.