Things that astonish me

Astonished sunset
Photo of a sunset I took.

Life is full of surprises. Most of them happen to other people. Things that astonish me the most is the talent of other people. It’s amazing what some can do. Let’s take people who work in design for example. I don’t know where they get their ideas. When I try to design something, it ends in nothing special. I don’t astonish people professionally. It’s different if I do it as a hobby. But there is a big difference between pro and amateur. I won’t be ‘discovered’ and be wanted my big companies. I don’t think I want to either but that was just an example. I just feel left out of these great surprises. You shouldn’t compare yourself to others but when I look at what others can do, I feel like a loser.

I have no luck in job search and I have no luck in love. I never meet anyone through a friend nor will I ever bump accidentally into my crush and we fall in love. I won’t find a friend who’s on the same wavelength as me. It’s not like I really want these things. My point is, I never had this kind of surprises in life and it upsets me a little. All I meet are jerks or just pass walking people that I never become friends with. If there’s someone I want, they’re too far away or taken. I never met anyone who shares my feelings. Helpless love is the story of my life. I’ve substituted love for other things. Sometimes I think about it and feel sad but the freedom of being alone is so much more tempting. As I get older my options are getting worse. If I ever did had any in the first place.

I’m also astonished how some people can have so many friends at once. It’s unnatural. When people get together they make a lot of noise. They’re like a bunch of howling monkeys. In my father’s building, there lives this kind of people. Like right now. It’s May Day Eve and they have their stupid noise parties. It sounds like they have a competition of who can shout the loudest. Are these people really students because they seem to have no common sense. That’s what the problem with the world today. It’s me, me. As long as I have it good, nothing else matters. I really hope these party people will leave soon. But that probably won’t happen. There seems to arrive more people. That’s what the problem is when you live in a flat. There are always idiots not caring about anything but themselves. The only thing to do is have the TV or radio on and which the noise will stop sooner or later. It will and then it really is a party, mine. Too many people are stressful so I can’t understand why there is a need for so many friends. Each to their own. A shame other people have to listen to the rack for hours.

There is a lot of other things that astonish me but I would be here writing all night. I’m sure there are people out there who I astonish but in small doses. That’s better than do things in vain where no one notice. Like this blog for example. For the comments I got in the past, people are astonished by my English. Actually, Finns, in general, are good at it because we learn it from 3rd or 4th grade. I’m astonished myself at times. If I had more confidence in myself, I would be more secure. But you have you get what you can.

Notable by a few

underground signI’ve never been a person who seeks attention. I’m always in the shadows looking out. I guess it’s because I’m shy. But I’m also an introvert. We don’t like being in the spotlight. I don’t even see a reason for it. I only want to be notable by a few. When I was a child I didn’t want to join groups. My mother took me to a gym class but I didn’t join the other kids. My sister was the opposite. Her hobby was gymnastics and she loved it. I didn’t feel comfortable around others. I was quite sensitive too. Even my own parents didn’t understand why. I’m just built that way. I still prefer doing things alone because then I get things done the way I’ve planned it.

I want to keep my independence. What I fear the most is losing my freedom. It would take a really special person to tide me down and I don’t see that happening. Even then I would still want to have my independence. A lot of people want to be dependent on others. They want to find companionship because they don’t want to be alone. That’s why they desperately use dating services and such. I could be wrong though. But I have standards and very picky. I actually like being alone. Life is so much more than relationships. Everyone isn’t cut for that. Some are meant to be alone. Rather that than wasting time on the wrong person. Besides, there are so many things I haven’t done yet. Another person would just be in the way.

It seems it’s a requirement to be noticed by other people. If you’re not showing your face on every social media platform, your chances are low. It goes with job search, getting friends or even getting followers on your blogs etc. On Pinterest, there’s a lot of these tips how to get followers on social media. How to sell your brand to other people. Since when have humans become products anyway. The whole concept of branding feels so alienating to me. I can’t brand myself. I want to be a nobody. I don’t want to be notable that much. I want to be notable for my writing and the things I do. By some that are. I don’t want to be famous. If I wanted to brand a business, it would be different. But now they want you to be a brand in job search too. Soon there is no room for reserved and quiet people. In job interviews, you have to be the actor/actress but without a script. I’m acted on stage before but then I knew what to do or say. I can’t be pretentious in real life. I’m not that good. My talents lay elsewhere. I rather miss an opportunity than pretend to be someone else.

People who like being notable, they should be allowed to do so. But don’t expect everyone wanting that much attention. We’re not all the same and we don’t want to be either. Being notable by a few should be enough.