Things that astonish me

Astonished sunset
Photo of a sunset I took.

Life is full of surprises. Most of them happen to other people. Things that astonish me the most is the talent of other people. It’s amazing what some can do. Let’s take people who work in design for example. I don’t know where they get their ideas. When I try to design something, it ends in nothing special. I don’t astonish people professionally. It’s different if I do it as a hobby. But there is a big difference between pro and amateur. I won’t be ‘discovered’ and be wanted my big companies. I don’t think I want to either but that was just an example. I just feel left out of these great surprises. You shouldn’t compare yourself to others but when I look at what others can do, I feel like a loser.

I have no luck in job search and I have no luck in love. I never meet anyone through a friend nor will I ever bump accidentally into my crush and we fall in love. I won’t find a friend who’s on the same wavelength as me. It’s not like I really want these things. My point is, I never had this kind of surprises in life and it upsets me a little. All I meet are jerks or just pass walking people that I never become friends with. If there’s someone I want, they’re too far away or taken. I never met anyone who shares my feelings. Helpless love is the story of my life. I’ve substituted love for other things. Sometimes I think about it and feel sad but the freedom of being alone is so much more tempting. As I get older my options are getting worse. If I ever did had any in the first place.

I’m also astonished how some people can have so many friends at once. It’s unnatural. When people get together they make a lot of noise. They’re like a bunch of howling monkeys. In my father’s building, there lives this kind of people. Like right now. It’s May Day Eve and they have their stupid noise parties. It sounds like they have a competition of who can shout the loudest. Are these people really students because they seem to have no common sense. That’s what the problem with the world today. It’s me, me. As long as I have it good, nothing else matters. I really hope these party people will leave soon. But that probably won’t happen. There seems to arrive more people. That’s what the problem is when you live in a flat. There are always idiots not caring about anything but themselves. The only thing to do is have the TV or radio on and which the noise will stop sooner or later. It will and then it really is a party, mine. Too many people are stressful so I can’t understand why there is a need for so many friends. Each to their own. A shame other people have to listen to the rack for hours.

There is a lot of other things that astonish me but I would be here writing all night. I’m sure there are people out there who I astonish but in small doses. That’s better than do things in vain where no one notice. Like this blog for example. For the comments I got in the past, people are astonished by my English. Actually, Finns, in general, are good at it because we learn it from 3rd or 4th grade. I’m astonished myself at times. If I had more confidence in myself, I would be more secure. But you have you get what you can.

I know you're there. Why do you linger in the shadows?

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