Repost: What I value in friendships

friendships
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I’m old enough to know what I value in friendships. I haven’t been that lucky with that. From my past experiences, I’ve learned what I don’t like in a friend. I’ve written about friendships before on this blog. You can find a few links about it at the end of this post. I have a few precedents of it, so I know what I’m talking about.

The most important thing is honesty. A person who pretends to be my friend and then find someone else has no place in my life. I had a friend in school like that. There were days when she chose that other girl to spend her time with. I was just a substitute when she had a disagreement with the other one. With honesty, I don’t mean you should judge someone by the way they dress or something like that. Honesty is telling you they have another friend and not pretending they want to be your friend. I rather be told they don’t want to spend time with me than being ignored. It hurts more than honest words. If someone doesn’t want to be my friend, they shouldn’t pretend to be so. Fake friends are easy to find. It’s the honest ones you have to search for with cats and dogs. If you had bad experiences of friendships, it’s no wonder you don’t want to get close to anyone or let people in your life.

I value respect in a friend. Someone who accepts you for who you are. A true friend doesn’t tell others how to dress or trying to look a certain way. Friends should respect others opinions and don’t start a fight over something they don’t agree with. We can’t always agree, but you shouldn’t stop being a friend because they don’t agree with you. They shouldn’t talk crap behind your back. A true friend doesn’t makeup rumours. I don’t know if my so-called friends made up some rumour, and frankly, I don’t care. They had no respect for me because if they did, they wouldn’t have ignored me. A friend who spreads rumours is no friend. Maybe their own life is so empty, so they have to make up things. Respect is also about supporting a friend in their life choices. If it’s about careers or relationships. A friend doesn’t put you down and saying you’re doing it wrong or you don’t have what it takes. Being supportive is true friendship.

Trustworthiness is important in any relationship. If you can’t trust a friend, you can’t really be a real friend. I don’t remember if I ever told anyone a secret, but that’s not the only way to lose trust in a person. If a friend pretends to be a friend but still doesn’t have any respect for you, you can’t confide in that person with anything. The risk can be that the person tells the other friend what you have told your friend. So you keep things to yourself instead. Once you lose trust in a person, it’s difficult to get it back. Sometimes it’s lost for good. It’s better to find new friends than trying to get the trust back. I’m happy I didn’t need to have these people in my life. I went to a Finnish Swedish school, and when I got a Finnish only school, I didn’t see the old classmates anymore. I haven’t had any problems like this in my adult life. I’m just more careful when it comes to friendships.

I don’t deny my past experiences haven’t affected my life because they have. It hasn’t made me weaker, though. Actually, it’s the opposite. The problem is not about trusting people. It’s about finding someone who has the same interests. Or at least have something in common with. I haven’t found anyone like that in real life. They always seem to be on a different wavelength than me. A true friend is someone you can confide in. They don’t judge you, and you can say anything to them without having to worry; they don’t want to continue the friendship. When I meet new people, I always have to think before speaking so I don’t say too much. I wish I wouldn’t need to worry about that. Since I never had a friend who stands by me no matter what happens, I don’t really know what that’s like. Maybe I find that kind of friendship when I’m really old. Friendships don’t see age. In life, you never know. A friend can appear from anywhere. In this case, patience is a virtue.

Old posts of friendship
Partner in crime
Nothing on the horizon
Hey, fake person

Originally posted: Published 2018/06/25 at 9:52 pm

When all is said

Faded
Source: Free photo

I haven’t blogged in a long time. To make it short. Life has come in the way. I’m washed out. I also have nothing to write about. It feels like all has been said. Not many care about the things I write about. Maybe someone. A lot of the followers probably don’t read. Only follow. It just feels there is no point using my energy to blogging. I rather do something else instead. Which I have.

There has been ice hockey on TV. Then doing the assignment for the UX/UI design course. Then driving lessons. I won’t get the drivers license for my birthday (June 2), so that plan failed. But it’s better to learn to drive before going to the test. It’s getting better. The driving, that is. My dad got his first corona vaccine this week, so I went with him. I’ll get mine this Sunday. I hate needles, though. Things also went bad. Both of my bikes have something wrong with the back tire, so I can’t use either of them. The other bike is my mum’s and I just had it fixed, but now there is something wrong with it. Maybe it’s the vent or something. I walked all winter, so I might just continue with that.

I probably forgot to mention something, but I’m watching World Championships in ice hockey where Finland is playing against Italy. So have a good day and carry on.

Laughter is the best

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Laughter is one of my favourite things. Without that, life would be dull. It’s better than crying, right? Yesterday I wasn’t laughing. I still need to take driving lessons, so the goal to get a driver’s license for my birthday is not gonna happen. Better to practice than going the driving test several times. That’s the bad news. The good one is that I sighed up for a UX/UI design beginners course. It’s not free, so I hope it’s worth it. It’s about designing layouts of website, mobile and that kind of things. There are assignments, videos and a mentor who gives you feedback. It happens online, so I don’t need to go anywhere. If it’s too hard, laughter won’t happen. I hope I learn something.

Laughter is the best. I keep watching the same comedies shows over and over again. They never get old. I don’t know how many times I watched, e.g. Friends or Frasier. A shame you can’t watch full episodes online. There are some, but that’s like searching for a needle in a haystack. You can’t buy every DVD out there, or there would be nothing else to do. On Youtube, there are short clips, so that’s better than nothing. Laughter doesn’t only mean made up comedies. It can also be in daily life where someone says something funny, and people laugh at that. Laughing makes you feel better too. If you had a bad day or you feel sad, then laughter is a good cure. The best is when you can’t stop laughing at something, and you feel you’re about to burst. I don’t know if you can die laughing, but that’s how it feels like.

Laughter brings joy to others. The best laugh is kids laughter. When I was a kid, I laughed a lot. But after my sister died in 1983, the laughter disappeared. My mother used to say I was much happier when I was younger. When you experience something sad at a very young age, laughing and smiling isn’t on the agenda. Bad experiences change a person. But laughter saves you from getting sadder. You can’t live in the past and think you can’t laugh again. Watching something that makes you laugh or whatever you do to fill your life with laughter. You don’t even need to feel down. Laughter is good for any mood. I don’t know about you, but I’m gonna head for Youtube and find something to laugh at. Until to the next laughter.