Curious me

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Learning new things is part of life. You need to be curious, or it will get you bored. You need to be motivated to learn, or it will all be useless. Sometimes learning is so hard you want to give up. I have now had 4 driving lessons, but it seems I’m still not ready for the driving test. In the 2nd lesson, I remembered why I didn’t finish it the first time. There is so much to think about. I actually dread the lessons a bit because I’m afraid to make a mistake. I thought I’m a fast learner, but not when it comes to driving a car. The biggest problem is changing gears. All my energy goes to that. Then there is the pressure from other drivers on the road. It feels like I never learn. At least I’m a bit better. I need to learn the gears better so I can think about other things. One lesson left, but I think the teacher will suggest some more. It was 26 years ago, the last time I drove a car, it takes time to learn again.

Being curious about learning new things hasn’t made my life any better. I’m still unemployed, and I’m turning 44 in June. Apparently, 40-year-olds don’t learn new things anymore. That’s not the reason I haven’t got hired, though. It’s the lack of experience. Maybe I’m not good enough. It’s silly to switch careers when you haven’t even been in the current one. Why would I want to switch when I have finally decided what I want to do? I don’t know what I could do. No matter what I study, I still won’t get a job. Whenever I search for a job, it always requires experience. I have no chance to get any because someone will always have more. I like to learn, so I still do no matter what. It’s the curious me that want to continue. I do it for myself and my own mental health. It’s good for the mind to study things. No one is perfect in anything. Unless you’re a superhuman which I think no one is. Learning new things is not enough. Also, knowing how to do things better. Learning a new computer program and then get better at it, that’s what pays for your efforts.

I used to dislike Adobe Illustrator, but after studied web design, I learned to like it. Our teacher was very good at teaching it, so that must be it. Now I use it daily. I’m still learning it on Behance. You always learn something new every time. Practice makes you better, and you get used to things. But only if you’re motivated. If you’re not curious enough, nothing will make you want to continue. You can’t force yourself to do things that don’t interest you. There are things I want to learn, but I don’t have enough patience to do it. I don’t like difficult things. There isn’t enough time to learn a lot of things. The brain doesn’t have enough memory capacity to handle so much information. Only concentrating on learning what interests you and focus on becoming better at it is more important. I want to learn a lot of different things, because I get bored otherwise. That’s what the curious me want to do.

Blow my dreams away

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Blow my dreams away

I give up my big dreams

What is the point working for it

Blow my dreams away, you’re good at that

I’m tired of trying, it’s all in vain

Maybe it works for some, but not for me

I don’t have what it takes

Blow my dreams away

I tried many times, but nothing works

I will only think about small dreams

Blow my dreams of finding work

I never get what I want in life, so I won’t bother

“You will find something too” won’t help the cause

The only dream you won’t blow away is the driver’s license I know I get

It’s you, not me

green braincell
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Some might think I suffer from some kind of encephalopathy. But it’s you and not me. My brain works just fine. I’m not the one who leaves things lying around in the street. I don’t litter in nature either. So who has something wrong with their minds? Sometimes you would think some piece is missing from their brains. How difficult is it to put trash in a bin? Especially now when people need to wear a mask. Some people don’t care and throw them everywhere. It’s disgusting to see those things on the street. The same goes for cigarette stubs. Even if the bin is near, they throw them on the ground. Littering in the first place is so uncivilised. What are people, animals? Even animals are cleaner than humans. It’s a disgrace. Adults teach kids to live around trash. No wonder oceans and seas are full of all kind of crap. Kids are our future, they say. I have no hope in them if they act the way they do now. It won’t help if only some youngsters care about the environment. We all should do something about it, or the future world will become a big trash can.

I like learning new things, but sometimes it can be something you didn’t expect. Yesterday, I had a driving lesson with a real car. It was quite difficult to drive it because it’s a new model. The handbrake is only a switch, and there is no key to start it. That’s only a button. To make the car move, you should lift the clutch up slowly. If you do it too fast, the car moves faster too. The same with the break. If you push it too hard, it jerks. When you have to use the clutch so much, your left leg gets tired. The whole lesson went to learn about the car and how to use the clutch. I drove around the block in a quiet street. There wasn’t any time to drive longer than that. I’m worried I might crash because the car wasn’t the same as I have driven before. I let the teacher drive back to the driving school. So I have to take at least 4 hours more of lessons because I won’t get past the test with only one drive. It’s a bit weird to learn to drive a newer car when you have a totally different one. Driving any car isn’t as easy as it looks. You need to know the gear by heart because you need to see where you are going. It’s not easy to see from your driving seat to the other side. Especially when you’re not experienced enough. When you’re driving, there is so much to do and see. I don’t know how someone can look on their mobile when they drive. It’s really dangerous to do so anyway.

At least I use my brain. Unlike certain others. You would think employers have a brain shortage of some kind because finding a job is like trying to make sense of something that is obvious to you but not to them. Having educations and good health doesn’t mean you will get hired. I’ve applied for a job, but I won’t get it because I don’t have experience. I don’t want it now anyway. It’s useless to use your brain cells to search for a job. It makes me go round a twist. Not as much as littering and people who don’t care about anything but themselves, though. They should have their brain checked. Maybe you can find some kind of encephalopathy in them. At least it’s not me; it’s you.