Today it’s my birthday (and Wentworth Miller) It’s also the 1st time my mother is not around. Birthdays doesn’t mean that much to me. It was different when I was a kid. Presents and that stuff. Today birthdays are just one step closer to death. Even if it’s at least 40 years left of my life. Age is nothing but a number anyway. A lot of people are afraid to get old but not to me. We are meant to get old. No one lives forever. It’s not what age you are, it’s about what age you feel.
For me, my birthday is just going out to lunch (like me and dad did today) and that’s about it. Besides I hate parties anyway so I don’t need that.
It’s the ice hockey world championships in Minsk at the moment. Ice hockey is a very big and important sport here in Finland. The tournament hasn’t gone very well until yesterday. Finland won against Canada which means, we are fighting for medals. A lot of people already had lost faith in the team. But they proved them wrong. Never underestimate the power of a Finn.
The most important thing in this post is, something good has happened in my life for a change. I haven’t even told my dad yet. I applied to a school called Helsinki Design School. They also have degrees like Graphic design and Fashion design. I applied to a Photographer’s degree. It’s a private school and it’s not cheap. They only take students that have motivation and real goals. They got the best teachers you could imagine. They’re all pros in their business. I wasn’t really sure first if I should apply or not. But when I did make that choice, it was a good one.
I GOT IN! 🙂
I was a bit sceptic if I could get in or not. The application was done on the internet so it was pretty easy. The most difficult thing was, why should I be the one to get it. Mostly about goals and motivations. I sent the application May 8 and the answer came today, May 24. I almost lost hope for a while. But just a while. In my mind I kept wishing and wishing. I didn’t want to jinx it so I didn’t say it out loud. Sometimes I’m pessimistic about things. I give up too easily. I should really have more faith.
What really appealed to me about this school was the great opportunity to learn photography from real pros. Their the one’s that knows how the business works. I also liked the way the school presents itself. Positive attitude, breaking the rules of learning, helping the students to reach their goals. I really hope this will help me get better opportunities and meet new people. The school is also situated in the centre of Helsinki which suits me perfectly. I’ve been there so many times, I almost know it like my home town. You only have to attend the school once a month. Other times it’s self learning and doing assigments.
You should never take things for granted. Things are really not as bad as it looks. I should remember that.
Niles Crane asked his brother Frasier Crane on season 1, episode 24 “Are you happy? If someone asked me the same, I would have to think a while like Frasier did.
What is happiness anyway?
Last time I was truly happy was a long time ago. I would say I had a happy childhood. Minus my sister’s death of course. Before that my life was happy. I had loving parents and my sister adored me. Both of my grandmothers were still alive. My mother told me once that when I was born my sister was really excited. She loved having a little sister. Even if our time together was short, it was still the best time of my life. All those Lapland trips, birthdays and Christmases. Those I would call happiness. A loving family is everyone’s wish. In that way I was lucky.
I’ve had more downsides than upsides in my life. I don’t dream big because of that. I’ve learned to enjoy the small things. A bike ride, watching my favorite movies or TV shows, listening to music of all kind. Watching comedy really lifts my spirit. Also writing makes me happy. Mostly fan fiction. When I get an idea, I can’t stop writing. Sometimes it can take hours. I can write and write but if someone interrupts my train of thought, I can get quite irritated. I will probably never publish them but writing them is good therapy. For me happiness is also just walking alone with my camera and take photos of nature. There would be no one around.
I was happy in 2011 before my mother became sick. We went to Lapland. To the same place we went almost every year. We slalom skied for a week. That also made me happy, skiing. It was a time things were good for a while.
If I’m happy now? No, no one is happy if you have no job and your life is going in around in circles. Also when you lost someone close to you not so long ago. Happiness is the last thing on your mind.
In my world 