Tag: about me

When you have nothing to say

Mia1 Comment

Always been a problem for me. What do people really talk about? People I’ve met have never had anything in common with me. Why would I start a conversation with people I know I have nothing to say to. In school I never had any real friends. My best friend moved to another city with her family after 1st grade. Sure I had friends after that but they were never lasting. I had to repeat 4th grade and in 5th grade it turned to hell. I wasn’t bullied physical nor verbal. It was more like whispering behind my back and excluding me from the group. Especially this one girl, who probably started it all, but I think she was just jealous or something. People like that usually have low self-esteem. I guess that experience has had some effect on me. I don’t trust people the way I used to. I have come to the conclusion that those people who did it were just jealous because I could do some things better than them. What really is disappointing, is that I didn’t get any friends in other schools either. Sometimes it feels like I’m cursed. I’ve never had any luck when it comes to friendship. But I’ve got used to it. I actually prefer to be alone. I can do what I want and go where I want. But it has its downsides too.

I just don’t know how to start a conversation. I just can’t go up to a person and say something. My mother could always do that and she wasn’t even extrovert when she was a child. She always told me, I haven’t been around people so much. That’s probably true. But if I can’t even start a conversation with strangers, how am I suppose to get used to be around people. I’ve tried to be more extrovert but no matter how I try, it always feels unnatural. It just feels awkward. It’s like trying to teach an old dog new tricks. When meeting new people, I always feel tongue-tied. I just don’t know what to say. I rather just listen and give short answers if they ask something. At least I don’t blab nonsense. If only people would understand that I can be talkative too. It just depends what subject is. People just think quiet people stay quiet. I’m not quiet, I just don’t have anything to say.

Weekly Writing Challenge: Golden Years

Mia19 Comments

This Weekly Writing Challenge really is a challenge. I don’t want to reveal too much about myself. I’m still sticking to the “no personal stuff” policy on this blog. So I won’t get into much detail.

Age is a thing I’ve never had any problems with. But it’s the society that seems to have. People expect you to have a family at the age of 30 and a decent job. If you don’t, there must be something wrong with you. I’ve never had a real job (only part-time ones with no real pay), no real relationship nor bought a flat. But it still doesn’t make me a sad person. Sometimes it feels like I’m the only person on earth that doesn’t have enough of experience with anything. It feels like I’m still a teen even if I haven’t been that in years. I’m still young and have a lot of time ahead of me but somehow the society doesn’t see it that way. With society I mean, work places and such.
I still don’t think I have missed anything. I never needed to rebel. I hated parties and people drinking too much. I always thought I was more mature than other people at my age. I don’t envy those with relationship problems or people with kids. I would rather choose freedom than responsibility. That way I’m still a kid at heart.

I never knew what I wanted to be, career wise. Everything seemed to be boring. It took years and years. I’ve tried a lot of things and studied different things but still I have no career. My life seems so boring. What really upsets me it that, when I finally know what I want to do, the society punch me in the face. There is no job and if there is, you need a driver’s license. Or you have to be a student. Of course young people always seems to get internships or part-time jobs. Someone with no job experienced. When I was at that age, I didn’t get that much help. Now there’s all kinds of youth programs that gives young people opportunities to get job experiences. Where were those then?!

If I could turn back time, I would do things differently. But since I can’t, I just have to accept the way things are. All you can do is look forward. In my case, to tomorrow. I wouldn’t want to live forever. There’s enough to tolerate at the present anyway.