It’s a quote from the movie ‘V for Vendetta’ but it’s also the date of today. It’s not only that but it’s also All Saint’s Day and in other places Guy Fawkes Night. Those are totally different though. Here we remember people who have passed away. People go the cemetery to put candles on the graves. We usually do it at Christmas so we don’t do it now. There’s only been death in our family it seems. We don’t have much contact with other relatives anymore. They can be a pain sometimes so I don’t really care either. Why keep in touch with people who doesn’t bother keep in touch with us? We’re better off and it’s not a hyperbole.
Christmases are not the same anymore because there’s only me and my dad left. We always spent the holidays with our closest family members. I had a great childhood. I never knew my grandfathers since they passed away when my parents were young. I had a close bond with both of my grandmothers. They were always there when you needed them. I can’t understand why some people doesn’t have any contact with their grandparents. You can teach your kids to respect elders and you also get great memories. I’ll cherish every moment I had with them. Nothing lasts forever but memories will never die.
On this All Saint’s Day, I light a candle for my sister, my mother and grandmothers. Family has always been very important to me. They’re the ones who you feel most secure with. You can have a family of your own but they’re not the people your birth family was. There will never be another person like them. If I was born again, I wouldn’t change a thing when it comes to family. I wished they could have stayed a little longer on this earth but those are things you can’t control.
Remembering family members on the 5th of November.
I’m not a book reader even though I’m an introvert. I wouldn’t want to write one either. But what I love writing about is fiction in an alternative universe. In other words RPF (real person fiction) I wrote a post about that before but this is for those who just joined in (sounds like a radio program there 😀 ) I’ve written a few about characters from movies. Well Lord of the rings and The Hobbit. I also have a blog about those so you can try to find them if you like. I prefer writing about real people. Actually it’s not about them, it’s just the names that are real and how they look like.
When I come up with a story, I think about it in my head. I usually write as I go along. Real author’s probably write their ideas down and changes their stories several times. I mainly write for pure entertainment. People seem to like to read them so it’s also for them. But it’s usually for my own pleasure. When I get an idea, I really write them and not just think about it. If I’m really pleased about it, I post it online. I have stories I haven’t even finished but I use some of the ideas I had there. Since I write as I go along, I can rearrange the story lines. For example at the moment I’m writing a story where I suddenly got an idea that I didn’t even consider when I started. The story is going to a total different direction. It can change rapidly. When inspiration struck, I can’t stop writing. Sometimes I even stay up all night because the ideas keep flooding in. I always read them through several times because there is always some spelling errors or I want to write them in a different way. When I’m satisfied, I post them online. I don’t get the reaction from readers the way I want to and sometimes it bugs me but I still post them despite that. I assume some don’t have that analysing look on things and I’m OK with that. Maybe they don’t understand what I’m trying to say. It can be anything but I don’t dwell on the matter for very long.
So where do I get inspiration from? Sorry I can’t tell you because then I have to kill you. Joking a side. I get ideas from everyday life, movies, music, actors but mostly about men I like at the time. I written about athletes but mostly actors since I have a thing for them. My first ever fan fiction was about an actor but I only wrote it for myself. I’ve read it later and I must say, I really have improved since then. That’s one of the reasons why I write in English. It sounds so much better and I learn the language at the same time. It also stimulates my brain cells and improves my imagination. I like making up plots and creating storylines. I’m not really good at describing in detail and I rather concentrate on the characters feelings. Maybe it’s not the best way to let a reader imagine how the atmosphere is like or what the characters are wearing but that’s why I’m not a book author. I write what I want to read because there’s so many different tastes. Some like reading details and someone prefer the story line. I can’t really know unless someone tells me. I want to know what the characters are doing and saying, not what they wear or the what the interior looks like. It might work in books but in fan fiction it should be faster. That’s the way I write and I like it. Great if someone thinks the same.
I also read other people’s fan fiction but most of them are about things I don’t really care about. I began to write my own because I didn’t find things I wanted to read. But reading others makes you find English words you don’t know what they mean. Sometimes it’s difficult to describe something in English. Sounds are difficult to put into words. I don’t even know them in my own language. I use Google a lot because of this. I’m really interested in human behaviour. Why do certain people act the way they do? Is there something in their childhood that made them they way they are? Why are these people so damaged, they act like they own the place? Questions like that are very helpful in writing and why not in real life. There are great fan fiction writers out there. I wish my English would improve so much I could use those words for my own advantages. Writing in any way is a great hobby so no need to rearrange things there.
I could write this on my web design haven blog but I’m really upset and disappointed right now. This web design education is going really bad. We are supposed to make a website about an imaginative travelling agency and it should be ready next Monday. But I can’t even do the basics. It should be in HTML5 and there you use different kind of codes. We make them in Dreamweaver. This week we’re studying at home so there’s no help from the teacher. No matter what code I put, nothing works. I haven’t learned anything and it’s already been two months. Maybe I’m just stupid. I already hate making websites. I shouldn’t hate it but when things never go the way I want to. I’m already thinking of quitting school since I never learn. I don’t even learn from the papers we got from the teacher. If I can’t make a site for myself, how will I know how to make one for a client? This on-job-learning is coming too soon. There will be one next year and it’s more than a month. The way things are going now with the studying, it looks unlikely I managed to get anywhere by then. I really don’t want to quit but this is getting on my nerves. I haven’t studied much and it’s already Tuesday. I never get this assignment finished and I’m close to give up on it.
Some transformation there. I thought web design could become a new thing for me but obviously not. I hate practising because it’s so frustrating. I’ve never become anything. I can use the internet and I can write but that doesn’t pay your bills. The photography thing didn’t work out either. By patience is running out. I feel totally useless. When things are difficult I just lose interest. If web design would be moving things with your mouse like you do in WordPress blog platform, then I could do it. But you need to know coding and that’s what I can’t do. No matter what the teacher say, I’ll never learn. I only get angry and frustrated at myself for being so slow in learning. Studying shouldn’t be so hard. You need to have motivation and patience which I lack off. It would be so much easier if I had a job where you don’t need a creative mind. But I never wanted an ordinary job. Practising should be enjoyable and not something you hate doing. Practice makes perfect but if it doesn’t motivate you, how can you go on?
If someone asked me what’s my occupation is, I wouldn’t know what to say. I’m nothing is not something to be proud of. I’m not a photographer and not a web designer. Definitely not the latter. It’s looks good on paper but you actually should know what to do. Writing resumes is a pain because you’re not really anything besides a lazy person. Lazy in the sense of wanting the easy way out. I don’t want the easiest way but I don’t want to struggle either. I want to be something but it shouldn’t be this hard. I can’t imagine people who have ambitions because I’ve never had any. I can’t come out of my comfort zone no matter how much people encourage me. There’s always gonna be a doubt in my mind that I can’t do things. Even if deep inside I know I can. I guess that’s the Gemini in me, two people in one. Right now those people can’t get along. We all have a dark side but mine is more of a battle between my mind and my heart. There’s only one solution and that’s compromise. Like with different people, we all have to get along.
In my world 