Tag: boring life

It’s somewhere out there

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risky tic tac toe
Post title from ‘Last night in the city’ by Duran Duran

I’ve mentioned this in other posts in this blog but I’m not a risk taker. I think long and hard before I make a decision. This can be a disadvantage.  In this fast-moving world, you need quick thinking or someone else gets there first. I wish I was risky but it’s against my nature. I guess it’s an introvert thing but it also depends on the person. I’m not afraid of failure but I also don’t want to take the root things might not turn the way I planned it. That’s why I don’t plan for the future. I wish I wasn’t worried about taking risks. I keep thinking about what could go wrong instead of the other way around. I have taken small risks but the results haven’t been what I expected. With small I mean applying to different educations. I have got in but it hasn’t got me very far. What I lost most is money but that was the risk I was willing to take. I did learn something from all that studying so it wasn’t totally useless.

Risky is somewhere out there but it hasn’t found me. At least I haven’t taken stupid risks. It’s better to be safe than sorry. My hobbies have always been careful. The most ‘dangerous’ thing I have done is fall off my bike. You won’t see me going skydiving or bungee jumping. I’ve only been once on a rollercoaster and that was enough. I’m just not made for crazy things like that. Lucky for that. Someone in this world should be careful. We all can’t be like headless chickens who don’t know what they’re doing. I try to take some risks but in small doses and that’s enough for me.

Tallenna

Tallenna

Tallenna

Tallenna

Going around a circle

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circles
Made with Canva. Text made with Illustrator CC.

Stuck in a rut. Going nowhere. Stand still. Going around in circles. You name it. My life is a circle. Nothing really exciting happens and when it does, it always ends. It’s not like I want to have excitement in my life. But it would be nice to have something. Especially earning my own money. I haven’t found a job and it’s already October (tomorrow) I sleep late and when I wake up, half the day is gone. I do work better in the evening but then I’m lazy and rather watch something online instead. It’s useless to wake up early in the morning when I don’t have a reason to. I also go to bed late. Sometimes I’m still up at 4 am. I sleep really well but it’s going to bed early which is the problem.

Thinking about what I did this year, I had a few highlights. I graduated to be a web designer, went to my first ever live concert (Robbie Williams) and holiday in Stockholm. But that’s as far as excitement goes. After that, I’ve been back in the same circle again. It seems I can’t get anything started. Job search is a pain. There’s nothing in my city that I could even consider applying for. I don’t want to move to another city. I’m such a coward to start something on my own. I dislike the whole job search process. All the applications, cover letter, resume etc. Not forgetting the possible interview you might get. Trying to impress the employer is not easy. It would be better to have a client you work for where your skills that matter the most. I’m very indecisive about what I want to do right now job wise and it seems I can’t decide until next year. I just hope I won’t forget what I learned in the web design education. Of course, there are still months to go so you never know what could happen.

I found a way out of the circle when I began to study but now I don’t want to anymore. I don’t want to study all my life in a school. It’s frustrating to study all these things and not getting anywhere. I haven’t awestruck anyone with my skills. At least not careerwise. I’ll never be lucky enough to be “discovered” and experience amazing things. All I really want is to get away from this circle I live in, at least for a while. I don’t need much to be happy. As long as I have my health, a roof over my head and enough money to get by.

Tallenna

Tallenna

Tallenna

Tallenna

Tallenna

Tallenna

Tallenna

Tallenna

Never enamored

Mia1 Comment

dead yellow rosesThis is not a secret but I want to keep my personal life for myself. But I can tell you, I’ve never been enamored. In other words, never been in love. I’ve had infatuations and maybe I felt I was in love. But you can’t be in love with someone you have never met. I can’t even remember if I had a crush on someone close by. I just haven’t found anyone of my liking. It’s easy to find someone you like but falling in love is not. I can’t imagine how being in love feels. Falling in the feeling of love is a piece of cake. If I did fall in love, it wouldn’t be mutual. That’s the story of my life.

I love the feeling when I like someone so much I can’t stop thinking about them. But I don’t like the feeling that I can never meet them in person. I love a lot of things but that’s not being in love. For example, I love certain actors but I’m not in love with them even if I know things about them. I guess my destiny is never to experience being in love and I’m totally OK with it.

Tallenna

Tallenna