Stuck in a rut. Going nowhere. Stand still. Going around in circles. You name it. My life is a circle. Nothing really exciting happens and when it does, it always ends. It’s not like I want to have excitement in my life. But it would be nice to have something. Especially earning my own money. I haven’t found a job and it’s already October (tomorrow) I sleep late and when I wake up, half the day is gone. I do work better in the evening but then I’m lazy and rather watch something online instead. It’s useless to wake up early in the morning when I don’t have a reason to. I also go to bed late. Sometimes I’m still up at 4 am. I sleep really well but it’s going to bed early which is the problem.
Thinking about what I did this year, I had a few highlights. I graduated to be a web designer, went to my first ever live concert (Robbie Williams) and holiday in Stockholm. But that’s as far as excitement goes. After that, I’ve been back in the same circle again. It seems I can’t get anything started. Job search is a pain. There’s nothing in my city that I could even consider applying for. I don’t want to move to another city. I’m such a coward to start something on my own. I dislike the whole job search process. All the applications, cover letter, resume etc. Not forgetting the possible interview you might get. Trying to impress the employer is not easy. It would be better to have a client you work for where your skills that matter the most. I’m very indecisive about what I want to do right now job wise and it seems I can’t decide until next year. I just hope I won’t forget what I learned in the web design education. Of course, there are still months to go so you never know what could happen.
I found a way out of the circle when I began to study but now I don’t want to anymore. I don’t want to study all my life in a school. It’s frustrating to study all these things and not getting anywhere. I haven’t awestruck anyone with my skills. At least not careerwise. I’ll never be lucky enough to be “discovered” and experience amazing things. All I really want is to get away from this circle I live in, at least for a while. I don’t need much to be happy. As long as I have my health, a roof over my head and enough money to get by.