The greatest gift someone could give me is the courage to make decisions, especially career choices. It’s easy to say to a person just to do things, but there are things you need to think about before doing anything. It can feel like you’re in a stupor when you keep changing your mind. I know what I want to do, but finding a job is challenging. I wrote about entrepreneurship in the last post, which is where I need the courage for.
No one can give that kind of gift. They can only support you. But that would be the greatest gift someone could give me. The other thing would be more money, but I wouldn’t want to get it for free. That’s where getting a job or becoming an entrepreneur comes in.
I have a temporary enthusiasm when it comes to interests. I get excited about one thing, but then the golden moment passes. For example, I applied for a job, and they would contact me the following week. Now it’s almost a month, and still no message. I could reach the place, but I’m no longer interested in the job. I prefer to apply for something else instead. I rarely get excited about things, but then when I do, it doesn’t take long. If there were ADHD for making decisions, I would probably have it. My mind is easily distracted. That’s maybe the reason why I have so much unfinished fictions.
I read a column about how you these days need to know what you want to do at 15. It was the same when I was that age; so things haven’t changed. In Finland, you can choose where to study after elementary school. You can go to high school or training school. I didn’t choose either. I didn’t know what I wanted to be. I knew I didn’t want anything ordinary. I went to a folk school for a year in education I didn’t want to be in. But my late mother said you need to start somewhere. I’ve had a few schools I didn’t want to be in, but that’s another story. The column reminded me of how many different subjects I’ve studied. It hasn’t got me a job, but I’m versatile. You don’t need to know what you want to be at 15. You have the right to change your mind. Your interests change. I don’t understand why people tell kids they must choose a career at a young age or they’ll be screwed. Everyone doesn’t know what they want to be. We can’t all be made in the same format. No wonder young people get stressed and depressed when they are lied to. Pressure is the worse kind of motivating factor. The golden moment might never happen but never say never. Life is about trying different things; try again if one doesn’t work.
I had an enthusiasm for becoming an entrepreneur. When I studied web design some years ago, I had a taste of working with clients. It appealed to me not having to go anywhere and working when I wanted. I even went on a course about entrepreneurship in 2018. I still had that as an option later on. But now I’m trying the easier way out, finding a job, because starting a business seems too much work and time-consuming. I’m not afraid of working hard, but I’m not getting any younger. Once, I wanted to become a professional photographer. I put all my thoughts into it. I studied it at the beginning of the 2000s. I enjoyed it for two months, but then I quit. One of the teachers put me off it. He was against digital cameras. It was only film cameras, and nothing else mattered. Developing film and all that was too difficult for me as well. I didn’t think about photography as a profession for years. Thanks to digital cameras, my interest in photography was on again. To make the story short. I came to the conclusion I wanted to do more than photography. It’s only been a hobby for me. It would be nice if I could also use it in a job.
People change, and interests change. What you wanted to do when you were a kid, you might not want when you’re an adult. People change jobs and careers every day. Everything is temporary. Once upon a time, people stayed in a job until they retired, but today and in the future, nothing lasts forever. Doing variable jobs during your lifetime is much better than doing one position for the rest of your life. I would feel trapped if I wasn’t allowed to do different things. I end this post with one of the ‘Lord of the rings’ quotes I can relate to.
“What do you fear, lady?” [Aragorn] asked. “A cage,” [Éowyn] said. “To stay behind bars, until use and old age accept them, and all chance of doing great deeds is gone beyond recall or desire.”
Learning new things is part of life. You need to be curious, or it will get you bored. You need to be motivated to learn, or it will all be useless. Sometimes learning is so hard you want to give up. I have now had 4 driving lessons, but it seems I’m still not ready for the driving test. In the 2nd lesson, I remembered why I didn’t finish it the first time. There is so much to think about. I actually dread the lessons a bit because I’m afraid to make a mistake. I thought I’m a fast learner, but not when it comes to driving a car. The biggest problem is changing gears. All my energy goes to that. Then there is the pressure from other drivers on the road. It feels like I never learn. At least I’m a bit better. I need to learn the gears better so I can think about other things. One lesson left, but I think the teacher will suggest some more. It was 26 years ago, the last time I drove a car, it takes time to learn again.
Being curious about learning new things hasn’t made my life any better. I’m still unemployed, and I’m turning 44 in June. Apparently, 40-year-olds don’t learn new things anymore. That’s not the reason I haven’t got hired, though. It’s the lack of experience. Maybe I’m not good enough. It’s silly to switch careers when you haven’t even been in the current one. Why would I want to switch when I have finally decided what I want to do? I don’t know what I could do. No matter what I study, I still won’t get a job. Whenever I search for a job, it always requires experience. I have no chance to get any because someone will always have more. I like to learn, so I still do no matter what. It’s the curious me that want to continue. I do it for myself and my own mental health. It’s good for the mind to study things. No one is perfect in anything. Unless you’re a superhuman which I think no one is. Learning new things is not enough. Also, knowing how to do things better. Learning a new computer program and then get better at it, that’s what pays for your efforts.
I used to dislike Adobe Illustrator, but after studied web design, I learned to like it. Our teacher was very good at teaching it, so that must be it. Now I use it daily. I’m still learning it on Behance. You always learn something new every time. Practice makes you better, and you get used to things. But only if you’re motivated. If you’re not curious enough, nothing will make you want to continue. You can’t force yourself to do things that don’t interest you. There are things I want to learn, but I don’t have enough patience to do it. I don’t like difficult things. There isn’t enough time to learn a lot of things. The brain doesn’t have enough memory capacity to handle so much information. Only concentrating on learning what interests you and focus on becoming better at it is more important. I want to learn a lot of different things, because I get bored otherwise. That’s what the curious me want to do.
In my world 