Repost: If I could turn back time


Some things you can’t control. Like a death in the family. No one should go through that. Especially if you’re still a child. A childhood should be happy without sorrow. Mine was happy until that day when my sister died. I was only 6 years old and death is something you don’t think about. I don’t remember much about it. In a way it was good I was so young. I didn’t have to go through the same thing as my parents. All those hospital visits and coping with the illness. I don’t really know what she had but it was something to do with her immune system. It was rare at the time. Her death did affect my life in many ways.

I’ve thought a lot of times how my life would have been if she wouldn’t have gotten sick. We were quite close. I don’t think our relationship would have changed much. She would have been my rock. If I had problems I could talk to her. She would be a great comfort. Especially now when mother have passed away. If I had lived my life with my sister in it, I would probably be more outgoing and have more confidence.

If I could turn back time and live my childhood all over again, I would wish my sister would be healthy and see adulthood. The holidays would be much better if she would still be around.
I don’t know how it is to have siblings nor being the only child. I’ve experienced both. When I hear or read how people complain about having a sibling, I just think “at least they have someone” They can be a pain but that’s a small prize to pay. Living alone without one is not that much fun either.

Losing a sister at a young age has helped me understand other people who have lost a loved one. I don’t see death as a scary thing. I don’t even cry at the movies because it’s all fake anyway. For some death is something they don’t want to think about. They don’t know how to take other people’s sorrow. Only people who have gone through the same thing can understand.

It’s not only what you go through in your childhood that molds you. It’s what you experience through life. If I hadn’t gone through what I have been through I wouldn’t be the person I am today. I am what I am and nobody can tell me to be something I’m not. That’s something everybody should remember.

Originally published on December 1, 2014

“Keep telling yourself that, darling”


I do not fancy Tom Keen. I do not fancy Tom Keen.

That’s what I keep telling myself. It is unheard of to fancy a TV character that you should hate. If you haven’t seen ‘The Blacklist’, you really should. If you did, you would understand what I’m writing about.
But a small recap. Tom Keen is the husband of Elizabeth Keen, who is a FBI profiler. It turns out that their marriage have all been a lie. Tom is not the dream husband she thought he was. To make the story short, after a long time it turns out that he really is a killer that has been paid to kill Liz. At first at least. I don’t know what motives he has now. Those writers really know how to confuse a viewer.

It’s a bit cliché that someone who has been paid to do something actually fall in love with the victim. They kept dragging this, is he or is he not? But from the start I knew he wasn’t innocent. The most disturbing thing is, Liz actually wanted a family with this man. Never felt so uneasy with a character before. I just wanted to slap her for not seeing the real him. She was a profiler so she should notice those things. I guess love is blind. When she finally realises, I could empathise her disgust towards him. She had to act like normal so he wouldn’t find out she knew the truth. When he wanted them to renew their vows, you could really see Liz reaction. She really wanted to spill out the beans. And hurt him. There were also other disturbing things in this relationship but I won’t get into them.

I don’t know what it is with bad guys in movies or television. Especially if the actor is hot. Like in this case. Is Tom Keen hot or is it because Ryan Eggold is? I dislike the character but at the same time I want to make passionate love to him. In real life I would never get interested people who have taken someone elses life.
I don’t understand why some people think Ryan is a bad actor. They obviously haven’t seen him in Sons of Liberty and The Blacklist. If he can play a character that people hate at first, he can’t be that bad.

I really hope the writers won’t get Tom and Liz back together. He already killed at least 4 people so how can someone take him back after all that. A criminal that doesn’t go to jail. It’s wrong and so unrealistic. It doesn’t matter how much he loves her. What done is done. I rather see him in jail or dead than go back to ‘normal’ life.

Silver Screen

I am what I am.Don’t try and change me.

When I’ll post this, it will already be 2015 (I started this post on December 30, 2014). But it will not mean I’m gonna change. I’m not gonna become a different person just because the year changes. I’m just gonna be another year older.

Some say I should be more social. Even the newspaper I was as an intern in as a photographer, mentioned it in the after report. I don’t know how social they wanted me to be. I was only there for 2 weeks. I can’t become social over night. And I did talk to my co-workers which was an achievement for an introvert like me. This word “social” bugs me. What is it anyway? You can be social without having to talk nonsense. I guess you can’t be a photographer if you’re not social. BS I say. I’m an introvert, not mute. I’m not gonna become something else just because someone tells me to.

You can’t tell a person what kind of personality they should have. If you’re an introvert, you are. It’s like saying to an extrovert to become more introvert. We all have H20 but the difference is, we all have different personalities. And being an introvert is a personality, not a decease. Extroverts should take examples from introverts. Only talk when you’ve something important to say. If you don’t have any important to say, don’t say it at all. If I had a motto, that would be it.

I don’t do New Year’s resolutions but one thing’s for sure, I will continue to be what I am. If people won’t respect that, then too bad.