“Keep telling yourself that, darling”


I do not fancy Tom Keen. I do not fancy Tom Keen.

That’s what I keep telling myself. It is unheard of to fancy a TV character that you should hate. If you haven’t seen ‘The Blacklist’, you really should. If you did, you would understand what I’m writing about.
But a small recap. Tom Keen is the husband of Elizabeth Keen, who is a FBI profiler. It turns out that their marriage have all been a lie. Tom is not the dream husband she thought he was. To make the story short, after a long time it turns out that he really is a killer that has been paid to kill Liz. At first at least. I don’t know what motives he has now. Those writers really know how to confuse a viewer.

It’s a bit cliché that someone who has been paid to do something actually fall in love with the victim. They kept dragging this, is he or is he not? But from the start I knew he wasn’t innocent. The most disturbing thing is, Liz actually wanted a family with this man. Never felt so uneasy with a character before. I just wanted to slap her for not seeing the real him. She was a profiler so she should notice those things. I guess love is blind. When she finally realises, I could empathise her disgust towards him. She had to act like normal so he wouldn’t find out she knew the truth. When he wanted them to renew their vows, you could really see Liz reaction. She really wanted to spill out the beans. And hurt him. There were also other disturbing things in this relationship but I won’t get into them.

I don’t know what it is with bad guys in movies or television. Especially if the actor is hot. Like in this case. Is Tom Keen hot or is it because Ryan Eggold is? I dislike the character but at the same time I want to make passionate love to him. In real life I would never get interested people who have taken someone elses life.
I don’t understand why some people think Ryan is a bad actor. They obviously haven’t seen him in Sons of Liberty and The Blacklist. If he can play a character that people hate at first, he can’t be that bad.

I really hope the writers won’t get Tom and Liz back together. He already killed at least 4 people so how can someone take him back after all that. A criminal that doesn’t go to jail. It’s wrong and so unrealistic. It doesn’t matter how much he loves her. What done is done. I rather see him in jail or dead than go back to ‘normal’ life.

Silver Screen

I am what I am.Don’t try and change me.

When I’ll post this, it will already be 2015 (I started this post on December 30, 2014). But it will not mean I’m gonna change. I’m not gonna become a different person just because the year changes. I’m just gonna be another year older.

Some say I should be more social. Even the newspaper I was as an intern in as a photographer, mentioned it in the after report. I don’t know how social they wanted me to be. I was only there for 2 weeks. I can’t become social over night. And I did talk to my co-workers which was an achievement for an introvert like me. This word “social” bugs me. What is it anyway? You can be social without having to talk nonsense. I guess you can’t be a photographer if you’re not social. BS I say. I’m an introvert, not mute. I’m not gonna become something else just because someone tells me to.

You can’t tell a person what kind of personality they should have. If you’re an introvert, you are. It’s like saying to an extrovert to become more introvert. We all have H20 but the difference is, we all have different personalities. And being an introvert is a personality, not a decease. Extroverts should take examples from introverts. Only talk when you’ve something important to say. If you don’t have any important to say, don’t say it at all. If I had a motto, that would be it.

I don’t do New Year’s resolutions but one thing’s for sure, I will continue to be what I am. If people won’t respect that, then too bad.


I wish I had said something

I take you back to 5th grade. The year is beside the point. I was in this class the 2nd year. I had to take 4th grade twice so I had to leave my old class. The 1st year in this new class went OK. It was the 5th that turn into hell. There was this girl who seem to have issues with me. I wasn’t bullied the way some people are. But she somehow turned the other girls against me. It was whispering behind my back and leaving me outside the group. That is one kind of bullying I guess. I could feel they didn’t want me to be around them. I was all alone. School didn’t taste good so I was rather not there. I played hooky quite a lot because of that.

Group work was the worst. I really disliked that in the future. P.E. wasn’t fun either. I don’t know why the teacher let the pupils choose which ones should be in their team. I was good at sport and yet no one wanted me in theirs. This girl was awful at it. In general she was kind of stuck up. She was one of those that never got any spots. Miss Perfect herself (that’s what I think now) She wasn’t perfect at all. She wasn’t good in Math either.
Years later, I saw her in another school. I don’t know if she recognised me or not. It doesn’t matter. She didn’t seem to be that childish anymore anyway. I didn’t go to that school that long (for a different reason). I only saw her there once. I didn’t want anything to do with her. People like her are a waste of my time. I found out years later that she had cut a school at some point and worked somewhere. She didn’t become anything special which is a bit like, ha ha, in your face.

I wish I had said something to her in 5th grade. I would have told her where to get off. The worse thing was that she couldn’t say it to my face. Instead she said something to her friend and that friend told me (that friend used to my friend. Bloody backstabber :P) She didn’t want to sit by the same table in the diner because I had spots on my face. The friend suggested I should use some cream to make them disappear. Another thing was that I had some line on my nose that she didn’t like. It was just silly reasons. I didn’t say anything but if it was happening today, I would have said something to her. I think it was more than just some imperfect feature. I’ve thought about the time and came to the conclusion, she was just jealous. Maybe because I was good at sport or good at something else. Like I wrote, it doesn’t matter. I got rid of her and I don’t care anymore.

One thing I’ve learned through that experience. I will never let anyone treat me like that again. I’m a much stronger person now that I was then. It hasn’t put me down. Maybe that experience has had some effect on me. I’m careful with whom I confide in. I’m a private person and I don’t trust people. That’s the reason I don’t blog about personal things that often. If life would only be like blogging. Edit when you haven’t said something you wish you had.