My life right now has no direction. Whatever I do or go, it’s a dead end. It’s controlled by the employers and the employment office. Try to align a life when you’re not given a desired direction. I should apply for one job each month, and I’ve done so. But they are open applications, so it’s only a thank you for it, and that’s it. You can’t get a job with that. Not in the line of field I’m in, at least. Maybe if you want to work in a store or a ‘normal’ job like that. It’s challenging to even find a job to apply for. They want people with work experience and with a super portfolio. It makes me feel like a loser, even if I don’t think I am. But that’s what a job search feels like. I don’t think I want to work in a company for several years anyway.
I try to live day by day and wait for the day I know things will happen. Next week it’s the filmmaking course and then later in the summer two pop concerts. There is no point in thinking about things that might not happen. Other people can’t take away the direction I want to go. I don’t want my life to be aligned because that’s boring. Ultimately, I choose in what direction to take my life, and no one can take that away.
I have lived in a cocoon, and there are things I regret. I wish I could have said something to those morons in school that treated me like I wasn’t there. Especially one of them. I don’t know what her problem was. Maybe she thought she was something special. At least I wasn’t bullied as bad as some people are. Some adults have been bullied, so their whole life is spoiled. I was glad I had never had to meet them again. You shouldn’t have people around who don’t appreciate you. The decisions I have made in life have nothing with them. If they thought they would break me, they were wrong. It only made me stronger. What happened then is only pathetic on their part. It was all so silly. They were cowards too. They never dared to say anything to my face. I wouldn’t recognise them on the street anymore. I don’t even remember some of my former classmates’ names. I have met many people, so how can anyone remember someone you knew over 30 years ago. They don’t matter anymore.
I’ve had a lot of times when I didn’t take action when I should have. I don’t know if I regret certain decisions I made in the past. I know I’ve learned something, at least. There have been education that didn’t get me anywhere, even if people said it would help to get a job. Well, it hasn’t, or I would have had more job experience than I have now. I wish I would have tried any job, but I wanted to discover what I wanted to be through education. I see; now they don’t matter. It’s job experience. Sometimes it feels like I’ve wasted my life, and now I’m getting older. I should have at least 20 years of working life left, but I will become a poor pensioner at this rate. I don’t collect pensions because I don’t work. It isn’t even my fault. Some people don’t want to work, but I do. No one wants to hire me, but it’s their problem, not mine. Maybe I chose the wrong profession or something. There aren’t many jobs in the graphic design field. Unless you’re super talented and have job experience. It can be a little frustrating when you finally know what kind of job you like and can’t find anything to apply to. They look for people with job experience and someone for the future. Not someone in their 40s with no experience in the field. Employers never seem to look for workers, either. Job search has gotten so strange these days. No wonder some people don’t want to be in that game. It is one. The only ones that win are the lucky ones.
Living in a cocoon feels safer when you’re not a risk-taker. You can’t regret the things you did in the past because you can’t change that. But you can change what you do for the future. There will be times when you want to take action, but you can’t because that might make you feel unsafe. I live for today, and if it’s in a cocoon, let so be it. I’m not the one who thinks if you don’t do certain things, you will regret the rest of your life. Some things aren’t meant to be, and you have to accept that.
A skill or ability I wish I had would be mind control. Then I could tell people how to think. They would think the way I do. If I wrote a story, they would give me the comments I would give. They would like the photos that I post on Instagram. I would use mind control for the good. I wouldn’t want people to do anything terrible. I would tell people to stop the wars they started, like the one in Ukraine. Turn bad people into good.
Mind control would be useful in job search. If I wanted a job, I would get it. Employers would hire people much easier. If I sent an application for a job, I would get an interview. I wouldn’t have to wait for ages for a reply. Things would move faster if mind control could be used. Anything you apply for will get a solution faster. If you want a loan from a bank, you would get it, and you wouldn’t need to pay it back.
Mind control has its downsides, but what thing doesn’t. To keep things stay stable, you would need to speed things up. Certain things take too much time. Life is too short to wait. If I could use mind control, there wouldn’t be a disagreement. If I told them what to do, they would do it. If someone said to me what to do, I would only say no, and they would let it go. I’m sure there are parents who wish they had mind control so they would get their kids to do chores at home. But then again, if the kids would also use mind control, things wouldn’t be so good after all. In the end, having your own mind and thoughts is much better than having mind control.