So where is my Genie?

genie and bottle

Life ain’t easy but it shouldn’t be this hard. Things that come easy for some, doesn’t mean it will happen to you. If it’s love or getting a job. You often see how someone has got lucky and they brag about it like it was so easy. It’s like they’ve rubbed a lamp and the genie comes out. It’s good for them but why would others really care. It only brings jealousy in others. Some can be happy for them but that doesn’t make things better for others. Not everyone is as lucky as them. So where is my genie?

I think mine has a life sentence in jail because I’ve never been that lucky. Sure, my things are better than for some but it could be better. It’s easy to feel sorry for yourself and think about things you don’t have. I wish there would be a parallel universe where everything you want will go like planned. I could get the guy I want and the job I want. There it wouldn’t matter how you look and the society would be flawless.  In this life, you’re either lucky, not that lucky or really bad luck. I don’t believe in this you can make your own luck. You can’t choose who you meet or being in right place at the right time. You can’t make that kind of luck. You can’t even choose in which country you get born to. Even if you do live in a country with a lot of opportunities, nothing is certain. It was proven today again when the course of entrepreneurship ended that a few of the students got a job. It’s good for them and you can be happy for them. Maybe this isn’t luck but a few of them can start their entrepreneurship already and they even have clients. I’m not even close. I still only think about it. I’m worried my business will fail because I’m not lucky enough. It’s like in space where no one hears you scream. When it comes to jobs, no one ever offered me one. If I even shouted from the rooftop I’m looking for a job, no one would notice. Maybe I’m just being too pessimistic. But if you never really had that genie, you don’t believe anything good will ever happen.

I’ve taken part in many competitions to win products but I never won. Only once which was a box of candy/sweets when I was a child but that’s about it. I see no point in entering because I’ll never win anyway. The same with everything else. If someone asked what is my greatest achievement, there isn’t many. At least nothing to brag about. Wishing good luck to me isn’t really helpful because I never have. My genie must in the parallel universe because it isn’t in this one.

A static 2018

holly hunter quote

The quote by actress Holly Hunter (e.g. The Piano) describe my life in general perfectly. It seems every other year I have something to do but then there are years, I’m quite busy. 2018 seems to be one of those quiet years. It feels my life is static most of the time. So far I’ve got one job interview and applied to a course that I didn’t get into. It’s still early though but if you don’t start something in the beginning of the year, the rest of it nothing much will happen. I don’t know where I have got that from. Maybe it was my mother who said it or maybe it’s some kind of new year curse. I couldn’t find anything about it on the internet. But it seems to be true in my case. If I’ve done something in the beginning of the year, the rest won’t be uneventful.

Last year I had that web design education but now I have nothing. I have applied to another course but it’s too early to say if I get in. It’s the same one I mentioned in this post. It’s an entrepreneurial training. I’m getting bored of searching for jobs in the opening market. All the most interesting jobs are in Helsinki but I don’t want to move anywhere. The requirements for the jobs are also so far for my abilities. If I get an interview I probably fail in that too. I just don’t want to go through that whole process of job search. Also, the job titles are misleading. You see web designer but they still want someone who’s a developer. It’s too advantages for my skills. There is so much fuss when it comes to job search. No one said it’s easy. If it was everyone in the world would have a job. I think employers are too strict about who they should hire. It seems you need to be a perfect employee to get hired. Young and beautiful with 30 years of experience. Even worse, being outgoing and social. And they said to me in the job centre once that my wishes are unrealistic. Well, who has unrealistic wishes then the employers themselves?

I should look forwards but it’s difficult to keep up the motivation when you get nothing in return. I don’t want unnecessary excitement but at least I don’t want a static one. I need to get out of my comfort zone but I’m just too afraid to do it. That’s one of the reasons why I’ve indecisive about what I want to do. There are so many possibilities so it’s even harder to decide. I don’t envy young people who have so many choices to choose from. Lucky are the ones who know what they want since they were kids. There are things I wish I could have done earlier but you can’t go back to the past. I live in the now and like I said, 2018 has only started and nothing is certain in this life, except death. Everyone should keep the faith and I do.