A static 2018

holly hunter quote

The quote by actress Holly Hunter (e.g. The Piano) describe my life in general perfectly. It seems every other year I have something to do but then there are years, I’m quite busy. 2018 seems to be one of those quiet years. It feels my life is static most of the time. So far I’ve got one job interview and applied to a course that I didn’t get into. It’s still early though but if you don’t start something in the beginning of the year, the rest of it nothing much will happen. I don’t know where I have got that from. Maybe it was my mother who said it or maybe it’s some kind of new year curse. I couldn’t find anything about it on the internet. But it seems to be true in my case. If I’ve done something in the beginning of the year, the rest won’t be uneventful.

Last year I had that web design education but now I have nothing. I have applied to another course but it’s too early to say if I get in. It’s the same one I mentioned in this post. It’s an entrepreneurial training. I’m getting bored of searching for jobs in the opening market. All the most interesting jobs are in Helsinki but I don’t want to move anywhere. The requirements for the jobs are also so far for my abilities. If I get an interview I probably fail in that too. I just don’t want to go through that whole process of job search. Also, the job titles are misleading. You see web designer but they still want someone who’s a developer. It’s too advantages for my skills. There is so much fuss when it comes to job search. No one said it’s easy. If it was everyone in the world would have a job. I think employers are too strict about who they should hire. It seems you need to be a perfect employee to get hired. Young and beautiful with 30 years of experience. Even worse, being outgoing and social. And they said to me in the job centre once that my wishes are unrealistic. Well, who has unrealistic wishes then the employers themselves?

I should look forwards but it’s difficult to keep up the motivation when you get nothing in return. I don’t want unnecessary excitement but at least I don’t want a static one. I need to get out of my comfort zone but I’m just too afraid to do it. That’s one of the reasons why I’ve indecisive about what I want to do. There are so many possibilities so it’s even harder to decide. I don’t envy young people who have so many choices to choose from. Lucky are the ones who know what they want since they were kids. There are things I wish I could have done earlier but you can’t go back to the past. I live in the now and like I said, 2018 has only started and nothing is certain in this life, except death. Everyone should keep the faith and I do.

 

I know you're there. Why do you linger in the shadows?

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