Nothing on the horizon

horizonLook to the future and don’t dwell in the past. But what if you feel there’s nothing on the horizon. Then you look to the present. That’s where the most important things are. Sometimes looking to the past is a reminder what you’ve been through. You learn from your mistakes and you make sure they won’t happen again. The people you met in the past and the experiences you’ve experienced, moulds you into the person you become. You could put the blame on the people that hurt you or it can make you stronger.

I thought about the years I had in school the other night. About my old schoolmates. Some of them were my friends and some were not. There was one in particular who only wanted to be my friend when she had a fight with her other friend. I don’t know what kind of issue they both had. Now when thinking about it, it was really childish behaviour from them. I always wondered why girls only spend time with their best friend and no one else are allowed to be with them. When boys socialise, they can be friends with a lot of other boys. Maybe there’s more jealousy between girls which is the reason you hardly see girl groups with more than two people. Since those experiences with fake friends, I refused to be a substitute for anyone. I prefer being a loner. If I meet new people, I hardly get to know them. I can talk to people, but that’s as far as it goes. I don’t even suggest them if we could keep in touch. If they want, they can take the first step. The older I get, the less important having friends is. It’s an introvert thing I suppose. If you don’t ask, I don’t tell. Foreigners who live in Finland, say how difficult it is to become friends with Finns. But it’s also difficult for Finns to become friends with other Finns.

Life is too short to have fake friends. A true friend is someone who stands by you through the bad times. I guess all those true ones have lost their way because I haven’t found one. I really have had bad luck with friends. One moved to another city with her family after 1st grade. One I thought was my friend, talked bad things about me behind my back. The same with another friend in 5th grade. It’s no wonder my trust in another people is the way it is. One through friend, my mother, passed away but that’s something you can’t control. Having friends online is different from the ones offline. But that’s better than having no friends at all. In a way, friendships are a little important to me. I wouldn’t mind if I had at least one friend close by but no one is on the horizon right now. I am alone but not lonely.