Tag: graphic design

My short-lived excitement

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Made in Canva

When I feel the excitement of something it’s usually short-lived. I don’t know why. Maybe because my mind is all over the place. I’m never doing things with a passion. I have so many things I like so it’s difficult to choose just one to concentrate on. I get excited about one thing and then I realise it’s not what I want so it dries out. In some things, I get the excitement back after a break. One of them is reading. I got excited about getting a library card and read books. But now my excitement for book reading has calmed down. I have one book to read but I haven’t finished it yet even though there’s not much left. It’s the English version of ‘The Hobbit’ I have the Finnish version of it and I read it in about 3 days and I have already read it twice. I don’t why this one takes so long to read. I already renewed it once. I read one chapter yesterday. I guess I’m just a slow book reader and I get distracted a lot.

Having a short-live excitement is the worse when it comes to deciding what job to do. Photography was on my agenda for a long time. Until I studied it in 2014-2015 and realised I didn’t want to do it as a living. I got excited for web design and then graphic design but now it feels like I’m indifferent about that too. Even becoming an entrepreneur entered my mind but now the excitement isn’t the same. It’s still a backup plan though. I applied for a job that isn’t in my field but it seems that won’t happen either. It seems destiny is denying me to become anything. It gives and takes it away straight away.

One proof of my excitement being short-lived is writing this blog post. When I started writing it about 2 hours ago, I had full of ideas but now I don’t know what to write. All of that excitement is gone and it will stop right here.

Finding your own sound is not easy

Mia5 Comments
sheet music as birds
Made in Canva

Finding your style. Finding your niche. Finding your voice. There are different ways to say it. You can also say, finding your sound and it doesn’t need to mean music or any other sound thing. Finding something I want to do that I wouldn’t get bored of has been the hardest thing. That’s one of the reasons why I’ve studied more than work. Sometimes I wonder if I chose the wrong sound.

In blogging, finding the right niche hasn’t been the easiest. I know I wanted to be different and write about a lot of things but a lot of people don’t want to read about everything. I wouldn’t either because there are only 24 hours a day and I need to sleep. Recently my posts haven’t got that many likes which make me wonder are my blog posts uninteresting. I mean, I do have 671 followers and only a small part likes the posts. Maybe I’m just nitpicking. My kind of blog wouldn’t get 50+ and I’m not expecting that either. I’m really glad I get likes for my older posts from time to time. Finding your sound in blogging doesn’t come easy. You have to experiment and then find the sound later. That’s just a hint for new bloggers out there. Unless you’ve already found yours.

When I studied graphic design in Helsinki Design School, our illustrator teacher said something like. It’s not about being a person who thinks they can’t draw, it’s about what style you have. I don’t remember if it was exactly like that though. So my style must be drawing awful and ugly things. Yeah, that will sell. Just being sarcastic there. Drawing just isn’t my thing and why should I try to get better at it. There are a lot of other real artists out there. I don’t know what my sound in graphic design I have. There seem to be so many others doing the same thing so how can I compete with those. Maybe when boring and nothing special gets popular. The education was supposed to motivate me but it was the other way around. The teachers were just too nice to tell me I didn’t have what it takes. Maybe it’s my imagination. All I feel is a failure when it comes to design in general. But don’t take it as a white flag for surrender. What do teachers know anyway? Pro or not. They just teach you the basics and the rest you have to find out yourself.

I’ve found the sound I want to dance to and that’s something creative. I never wanted to do anything “normal” I could do something like that for a while but I wouldn’t want to do it all the time. I don’t want to do just one creative thing but several things. Finding your own sound doesn’t happen overnight. It takes some time to find it but I’m sure I will.

Disappointment is my middle name

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Made in Canva. Photo from Pixabay.

October is here already. The only thing that I’m looking forward to is winter. But that will probably be snowless and grey. I always seem to be a disappointment in most things I do. Maybe not in other people’s eyes but my own. It feels like it comes vapor out of my head because things upset me. When others are having something to do. I just keep living in my head. I should do this and that but I never get around doing it. That’s why I’m stuck in a rut and I’m too afraid to do anything about it. It really brings me down. Life shouldn’t be this hard. It isn’t depression. Everyone feels down sometimes and that’s what I feel right now. It has nothing to do with the weather or anything. I find happiness from time to time. I don’t get anything done which is the problem. I have too many distractions.

People I know personally and not so personally all have some purpose in their life. My dad and my cousin have their own business. Both of them wanted to do something and they did it. I don’t have the same courage. Sometimes I wonder if they’re really are my relatives. Even my mother was braver than me. I’m just lazy and a coward. I can be happy for other people and I don’t feel envious. I’m mostly a disappointment to myself and there is no way out. I work hard, in my mind but when it comes to actual work, not so much. It doesn’t help much when I go on LinkedIn or other job search sites. All I get, ‘do you know this person?’ on LinkedIn. No, I don’t. I don’t why it has to suggest anyone. It’s weird to add people you don’t even know. They only appear because someone else probably knows them. My biggest problem is not finding a job, it’s about not finding anything to apply to.

I always think I should to this or that but then up doing nothing or something else. When I studied web design I thought about entrepreneurship but that didn’t go anywhere. Now it’s been about 3 years since I graduated and I haven’t done much since then. Not even with my website. Then when I studied graphic design I thought about starting something during it or after that. Nothing happened either. Now when I’ve seen works from current students in Helsinki Design School, my work is not as good. So now it’s October and I haven’t accomplished a thing career-wise. I can’t even call it a career. Maybe I don’t want it enough or I would have done something by now. Last year I went to an entrepreneurship course and I made a business plan. It feels like all of those educations they have gone to waste because all I do it complain about how difficult things are. No one said it’s easy because if it was everyone could do it. But I’m not confident about my skills. I’m in between forgetting design altogether or hanging on. It seems there are neither graphic designers or web designers everywhere so there is no need for my kind. Maybe I concentrate on that too much. Either way, my middle name is disappointment but I know I shouldn’t stress so much about it.