I have all these thoughts that simmer in my mind about what I want to do in life. It’s a deep blue pool but I don’t seem to find a lifebelt to save me from drowning. When I do get an idea out there, it seems to disappear into outer space with the rest of them. It’s difficult to stay positive when life gives you sour grapes. I keep searching for something but I don’t know what it really is. I used to have doubts about this blog too. I didn’t think it would get this far but I didn’t give up. People have found it even if it did take about 4 years or so. At least it feels that long. I wish I could be as patient as I have been with blogging. It feels like my life is getting shorter and I don’t have time to do anything before I leave this earth. But it’s not the end. I still have at least 30 years left of working years.
My life hasn’t been the way I expected it to be. I thought I would have a career by now but it’s not even close. I have no special goals and I have no ambition. People at a young age know what they want to do and they get to a position where they get experience. There’s a lot of younger people than myself who works in web design and they’ve come much further because they started when they were in their 20’s. I’m not even sure now if I really want to be a web designer. It felt like a good idea earlier in the year but now my uncertainty has come back. Maybe I’m just afraid to start anything. Now I don’t have a teacher to help me. Everything seems easy in my head but when the time comes to do something, I back off. I wrote about the life after web design education in my other blog so I don’t want to repeat things.
You might think only ordinary people have problems getting started but it can happen to anyone. Even the most obvious ones. For example, you would think someone like Tom Hiddleston would have got movie roles easily but it isn’t so. They say he wasn’t made for the big screen and that he wouldn’t get roles in blockbuster movies. Or something like that. If he had given up a movie career, it would have been a great loss for all of us who like him. No one has said to me I can’t do it but I can imagine how it would feel like. When I hear stories like that, it gives me motivation to not give up. If I only had the courage to do something instead of complaining about how difficult things are. Maybe they’re not at all but my subconscious is holding me back. I got through difficult times before and I conquered them all. What I plan to do next shouldn’t be impossible. It might simmer but not boiling over. I need to stay grounded and better things will follow.
Creativity is not only about how artistic you are. Everyone can be creative at some level. Some people are good at drawing. Some have the ability to play an instrument and write good songs. But also people who are good with kids and they know how to teach them. Release the creative beast even if you don’t think you are. There’s no such thing as being bored. You can always do things. It’s only the laziness that gets in the way. You don’t need to be a pro to be creative. It’s also about everyday life.
I’m creative most in the evening and sometimes at night. It depends on what mood I’m in. Sometimes I’m not creative at all and it feels empty. Creativity is my way of expressing myself. Writing fiction is one. I usually create ideas and plots in my head. Sometimes it becomes a story and sometimes I make up something new. I also read other people’s stories to find inspiration. When I can’t find a story I’m looking for, I write my own. I don’t expect others to read them when I post them online. Of course, it’s always nice to see likes and comments but I write to myself. I have to get ideas out of my head one way or another. Since I write in English, it’s also good practice. Writing is just a hobby so I’m not planning to make a money out of it.
I like to do different things so I don’t stick to one subject only. One day I write and the next I might play with Adobe programs on the laptop. Pinterest is a great place to find inspiration. Also, Instagram (@liuzzia5) got good ideas when it comes to photography. I wish my tablet would have a better camera so I could post on my account more often. I can post photos I’ve posted online but that takes time so I don’t want to bother. I also don’t like the touch the screen thing on the tablet.
My style of creativity is doing things on the computer. I can’t draw very well to save my life but with a mouse, it’s easier. I can doodle something but I’ll never become an artist. I leave that to the real masters.
When I don’t know something I search it on the internet. I don’t know how we managed to find information in the past. I’ve seen both worlds. If you didn’t know you asked someone. If they didn’t you went to the library to find it in books. It was much harder than it is today. Now you can find information in seconds. The Internet is especially useful when you learn a language. You don’t necessarily need a dictionary to find a word you’re looking for. Google translator is not a very good one but if you search a certain word, then that’s a great tool. I use that a lot. If there’s an English word I don’t know (or vice versa) I write the word in the search field. If the word is not the one I was looking for, I use a search engine. In my case, Google.
You can learn a lot when you take a leaf of someone else’s book. One person can’t know everything. The world also changes and new things are invented. If you’re doing something creative, the internet is the best place to find inspiration. The first time I used the internet was in 1997 and I’ve been fascinated by it ever since. Then there wasn’t Google or anything fancy like there is now. That was 20 years ago and now I feel old. Seriously, the internet is a big virtual book where anyone can share knowledge and information. It’s up to people how to use it. Most ideas have been invented already but you can always make things in a different way. You learn from the best and there’s a lot of great ideas online.