Tag: job search

Welcome to the zoo

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telephone pole wiresIt’s not about a zoo with animals. I’ve been to a few, in Hamburg, Stockholm and the ones in Finland (Ähtäri and Helsinki Zoo). Also the one close to the city I live in, Zoolandia. In those zoos, the animals are living in peace. But the zoo in my head is having a big fight. The zoo meaning my thoughts. I can’t make up my mind what I really want to do in life. One part keeps me lazy but the other part wants to start something productive. My weakness is the start. I can start a fiction or even this blog but when it comes to projects, I find it difficult to get started. I feel so unmotivated too. I need more confidence or I’ll never move on.

So far I’ve studied photography, graphic design and web design. But the only thing I haven’t found is a job. First of all, there are not many jobs out there in my city. The other is the demands employers have. I’m just not cut for those jobs. I’ve applied for a few but it didn’t bring results. I’m not sure my skills are even that good. It feels like I’m not talented enough. I’m paranoid people think my designs are unimpressive and that I should do something else. In other words, it’s all crap. But then I think, so what? As long as I know what I can do, is all that matters. There’s always someone who does like it. It had taken me years to discover what I want to do. No one can tell me to change occupations again. I have found my so-called calling and I won’t let it go. The toughest challenge is to get yourself out there. There are so many designers who got a lot to show and I’m only starting out.

The zoo in my head is preventing me to do things out of my comfort zone. One of them is what kind of design I really want to do. I’m not very technical so web developing seems too complicated. I didn’t even like coding in school. I’ve thought about graphic design again. I applied for one education but it’s already been a month and still nothing. I guess my luck had run out when it comes to education. At least I save money. It was quite expensive. In a way, it would have been a good learning curve. The teachers would have been pros. I’m a bit disappointed I didn’t get in but since I already have the basic knowledge of the subject. It would probably be a repeat anyway. I’ve been to that school before (2014-2015) but it’s wasn’t as cool as they make it sound. Last time it didn’t give me anything special. After 3 years I’m still in the same place as I was then.

People make it sounds so easy to start a business. There’s a lot of examples on Pinterest. How to work from home. How someone made this much money in this amount of time. How to earn money on Pinterest. All of these tips are abroad so I don’t know if any of them would work in Finland. There are so many rules you have to go by. Taxes and all that. Having a business in any country seems so complicated. Applying for a job in a company seems the easiest way. If you go it alone you have to sell yourself. Branding, networking etc. It’s so overwhelming for an introvert and especially for a shy one. If I had to choose I would do all the networking on the computer.

That’s not the biggest challenge though. It’s the standing out thing. How can you stand out and how to explain it in words, that’s the dilemma. I’m me and there’s no one like that. It doesn’t say much. I just can’t explain myself in words like that. That’s what I hate the most about the job search. Explaining yourself to strangers. I wish people would just accept the answer, I’m me and that’ll never change. But things always need to be explained as complicated as possible. That’s the reason there’s a zoo in my mind. Simplicity would make things much more bearable and everything would be easier.

 

 

Looking for a clutch

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cable loopLife is a precious thing and we should all enjoy it as much as we can. We all want something to live for. No matter how we try to clutch to life, there’s always something in the way of our happiness. If it’s another person or the government. There will always be someone who doesn’t appreciate you and try to stop you from trying. We should believe in our own abilities and it doesn’t matter what others think. You can’t please everybody. The most important people are the ones who believe in you and support your decisions. Some people are jealous of others but it shouldn’t stop you from doing things.

I’m still looking for a clutch. I know what I want to do which has taken me years to find. But the problem has been where to find it. I’ve lost my grip on my dreams but I’ve found new ones. I could do so much more if I didn’t have to do things alone. I went to a recruiting event on Tuesday and there was a lecture about personal branding. The man who had it said he wasn’t great at anything but good in a lot of things. That made me feel better about myself because that’s like me.
One of the subjects was also about networking. If there’s something that I should improve is that one. But as an introvert, this is very difficult. Especially when I have trouble approaching strangers. Places like LinkedIn doesn’t help me since I don’t have any former colleagues or friends. The same with Twitter. I’ve only used it for fun. It feels it will take forever before I get anywhere.

I don’t want to get stuck in one place when it comes to working. Projects is totally fine by me. I want to do different things. Working for a company you need experience and I don’t have enough in my line of work. Where should I get experience when you can’t find any work? Voluntary work is one but then you never know if the benefits are taken away. Being unemployed sucks. You want to do things but not everything is possible because there’s always something or someone that holds you back. The clutch shouldn’t be too tight. I need air to breathe. I’ve got stuck in my ways and soon I won’t be able to move. I don’t do new years resolutions but I could try to get out of my comfort zone next year. I did it when I went to see Robbie Williams in concert this summer. I wouldn’t have done so when I was younger. The same with the recruiting event. What I fear the most is a cage where I can’t get out. The cage is the sheltered life I live in now. If a man born without limbs can make something of himself, then anyone can.

Always dubious

Mia1 Comment

question marksSometimes I feel like I don’t really know what I want from life. I’m always dubious about my skills. Am I good enough? Do other people see me as an uncertain person who has a low self-esteem? Am I too negative? I constantly doubt myself. I should be confident and believe in me. If I don’t believe in myself, how can I expect others to do the same? I shouldn’t compare myself to others but when I see other people work on Behance for example, I feel I never have a chance. They have done more in design than me and they’re younger. I’m only started and they’ve done it for years. I don’t have much to show. If I apply for a job, I know I won’t get it. They take someone who’s done a lot of things. I’m never even had a real job but at least I’ve had clients. It was on the job learning but it still should count.

What I dislike the most about the job search is writing a cover letter. I never know how to start and what to write. I can’t find words to describe myself. Another problem is, do I have enough knowledge to do the job? It’s not like I keep practising my skills. It feels like my style is not good enough to get a job. I have these ideas but maybe they just look good in my head. It’s difficult for me to judge my own work. At the moment I’m planning some self-promotion but it feels all the work will be a waste. I don’t want to waste time on something that has no value in the end. I also get distracted easily. Watching a video or writing fiction seems more interesting than a doing actual job. In my case, practice.

I would think I would know by now what I actually want. But I’m still confused. I’m too dubious about things I do and think. I probably change my mind like Madonna changes styles. If I got the doubt out of my mind, things would be easier. Now I just run around in circles. I applied for one job at least while I thought about what to write in this post. That’s something at least. I could say fingers crossed but I still doubt I’ll even get an interview. You never know if you don’t try, right?