Agitate me and you will feel it in your bones

August 20, 2019 MiaLeave a comment

I might be a calm person who never raises their voices but some things just agitate me and I have to let it out. If you don’t want to see me upset, don’t irritate me because then you will feel it in your bones. But only if you really know me. I don’t go around strangers and scream at them. I’m too shy for that. I can keep the irritation inside me. But at home, I can let it out. Keeping your feelings inside is never good. That’s something my dad don’t understand. When I was younger I had these rage fits. It wasn’t because I had some mental problems. I just couldn’t stand certain things. One that really agitated me was that I wasn’t allowed to show my feelings. I still don’t. My dad always seems so calm and things don’t bother him. But I can’t live like that. He always thinks I shouldn’t bother what others do. I don’t but why can’t I have an opinion about it. Maybe my dad accepts what happens in this world but I don’t. If you accept everything then you’re part of the problem.

There’s is so many agitating things and people in this world. It seems people care more about themselves than others. One of these people is neighbours. They talk too loud and have parties too loud. The most important things for them is themselves. They don’t care some people need to get up early. Especially if it’s a weekday. You can have your parties as long as you don’t disturb others. It doesn’t need to be a party. It can be moving things in your flat or banging a nail to the wall at night. What kind of idiot do that during the night anyway? But idiots are anywhere and it will never change. People’s attitude towards others has become worse. It’s a me-me world. The worse part is that even young kids behave like they’ve never had parents. It seems they don’t teach manners in school either. They litter and don’t care who gets hurt. Kids are worried about climate change and yet they don’t do anything about it. Practice what you preach. Adults should be a good example for kids and not the other way around. Now it seems some parents give in to their kids too easily. No wonder there is an idiot raised every minute. Kids are just innocent by-standards and they don’t even know it. Fortunately, there are decent parents too. At least there is some hope.

Being agitated doesn’t always been anger. Writing this blog can be agitating sometimes. Since I write in English some words to describe something is hard to find online. I know them in my own language. Sometimes not even that. I use Google but as you probably know, it’s mostly wrong. I usually get agitated so I skip the whole sentence and write it in some other way. Or don’t bother at all. Writing anything if it’s a blog post or fiction is not easy. Especially when you should tell about yourself in a cover letter and even an About me-page. It’s like pulling teeth. It can’t just be, “well, I am me and there you have it” and get on with it. It’s so much more and honestly, I don’t want to bother with it. It makes me agitated and I rather concentrate on something less stressful.

Don’t stop or you’ll get fusty

August 5, 2019 MiaLeave a comment

round stone on the ground — Made in Canva

An old proverb says a rolling stone gathers no moss. It means don’t stop or you’ll get fusty. Well, in my words at least. In this modern time, you need to keep up with the times. It doesn’t mean you need to buy the latest technology. There’s always something new on the market but you don’t need to buy new things every year. You need to think about the environment, you know. Besides, if a gadget still works it doesn’t need to be replaced by new things. Not stopping also means to learn new things and get better at it. If you get stuck in one thing all your life, your mind will get fusty. Having several interests is both a blessing and a curse. But when boredom hits you, you have at least a change to your routines.

I wouldn’t know where I could be if I didn’t study the things I’ve did. If I didn’t do any of it, my life would have been empty. Many people who can’t find a job, don’t do anything that could keep them occupied. They stuck in a rut instead of studying something new. You don’t need to go to school to learn things. In a library, for example, you can read books for free about a subject you like. I haven’t been in one for a long time so I don’t know what they have there. Life shouldn’t be about feeling sorry for yourself. Work shouldn’t be everything. Even if you have a job, you should learn new things. You should keep up with the times no matter what age you are or where in life you are. Even if you think you don’t need it, still you should be open-minded about it. Keep on moving or you get fusty.

Odor of conspiracy or just bad luck

July 30, 2019 MiaLeave a comment

Sometimes I’m a bit paranoid when it comes to certain things. If it’s about posting on social media, finding a job or making friends. On social media, it feels like my posts have no meaning to other people. In job search when I have an interview, it’s like they already chose not to give me a chance as soon as they see me. Then when I’m in some education no one seems to want to get to know me. They might talk to me but when the school is over they don’t even want to keep in touch. I keep telling myself it’s OK because there will be other people. Still, there’s an odor of conspiracy towards me. Or maybe it’s just bad luck. I’m not the one who wants to intrude in other people’s affairs. Maybe they didn’t like me but they didn’t really bother to get to know me either. It’s fine with me. They lived in another city anyway. People come and go. If it’s meant to be, it was meant to be. I’ve learned not to stress about having friends around. I’m not very good at keeping in touch with other people anyway.

What I’ve most doubt is becoming an entrepreneur. A lot of marketing happens online and social media. I can’t even get people to interact with me on my personal accounts. Internet is a big place and it takes time to get noticed. Unless you’re like everyone else. E.g. taking selfies and posting edited photos on Instagram. I don’t want to sell my soul to that marketing business. Or whatever it’s called. I can’t start anything just like that. I need to think long and hard before starting anything. I’ve already done that at least 2 years. I’ve searched for a job in the open market but no success there. That’s a conspiracy on its own to any job seeker out there. It seems a lot of people want to become entrepreneurs in graphic design or any other creative business. Even in Helsinki Design School where I studied graphic design. I was a bit embarrassed because they were so much better than me and extroverted. How am I supposed to compete with them? That shouldn’t stop me though. For a while, I was about to change my mind about having my own business. The way things are going, entrepreneurship is tempting again. It’s just that doubt in my mind that stops me from starting.

I’m sure a lot of people feels others are against them once in a while. It comes in thought, is there something wrong with me. Am I not good enough? Here what the odor of conspiracy comes in. You think the whole world is against you but in fact, it’s all in your mind. It’s just bad luck if things turn the way they do. Not all things have explanations. Things just are the way they are. You can do things perfectly but still, something goes wrong. You can’t know in advance who you’re gonna meet or how things turn out. That’s what life is about. You never know what’s around the corner. It shouldn’t be the odor of conspiracy. It should be the odor of success. Whatever it is to you.