I like doing things by myself. I don’t need a lot of people around me. In fact, other people stress me out. I like having a blast by myself. It might sound boring for some but so is partying in my opinion. I hate all the noise and talking nonsense. That’s just not my thing and it has never been. When I’m around people, waiting to go home as soon as possible is my thing. Other people expect for you to be social and if you don’t speak, they say you’re anti-social. Like that’s a bad thing. I just don’t want to waste my time on something I don’t care about or want to do. It’s better to be alone than being with the wrong people. If you want to be with someone, you’ll never get the chance to be with that person because they live in another country or they already have someone to be with. Or they won’t like you the way you like them. You just have to accept it and try to think about something else than the company of another human being. There are other things to think about.
I go to the movies by myself because then you can concentrate on the movie. Even staying there until the end credits without having that other person to get irritated. I take bike rides alone. Sometimes it would be nice to have someone to talk to but not many want to take long bike trips. I used to do that with my mother when she was still alive. But now I only go by myself. I can cycle in my own pace and stop whenever I want. It’s really relaxing to be around silence. Yesterday I took one of this trips. It wasn’t long but still. It was to an outdoor museum where they have horses and sheep. There were some people there but it was still silent. A lot of beautiful colours on the trees and blue sky with sunshine. Here are some photos.
Kylamäki Village landscape
View from Kylamaki Villlage
Nature has always been one of the greatest things in Finland. When tourist wonder why we want distance they should really experience this side of our country and then they might understand why.
Taking it easy is my kind of a blast. I think better when I’m alone. I tried to write out on the balcony one of my fictions but there was too much noise from the traffic so I always write inside. If someone kept talking I couldn’t concentrate. It different when I’m listening to music. Actually, I’m even more motivated when the music blasts in the background. Or since I listen to Spotify on my laptop, at the front. Not only when I write fiction but also when I write this blog. I get more distracted if the neighbours are coming or going from their flat. Or noise from the outside. All the small sounds irritate me but not the loud ones. Except if it’s the neighbour’s loud stereos where it doesn’t sound like music at all. Or the people shouting when they talk to each other. I can listen to music quite loud but still, I can concentrate. Sometimes I’m so in my thoughts I don’t even hear it’s being loud.
For some doing things alone can be difficult but for me, it’s in my nature. I never feel totally lonely even if sometimes it can feel like that. Some have a blast with other people but I’m having a blast by myself. You don’t necessarily need big things to have a blast. If pets get excited from a toy and kids get excited about something new they’ve learned. Adults should be able to have a blast from the small things in life too.
You know the saying, when one door closes, another opens. Well, I’ve tried to open a lot of doors but they still remain closed. I’m speaking in metaphors of course. Mostly doors about opportunities. Or lack of them that is. Sometimes it feels like I’m being lied to so I don’t take chances because of that. I have never got anything in life easy. I didn’t even get away from household chores when I was a child. My mother always said to me to clean up but she only wanted to teach me responsibility. When other kids got pocket money without having to do anything, I actually had to work for it. She also taught me to save money for a rainy day. I just wish I could earn that money instead of living on benefits. That’s where this open door thing comes in.
I opened doors to studying and thought that would open another door. But instead, it hasn’t brought me any opportunities. No matter how strong you are mentally it still bothers you what’s wrong with you that not even Lady Luck knocks on your door. You know you can do things but no one really pays you any attention. It doesn’t help in what school you attended and how many educations you have. That door just won’t open. I’ve started to think why the reason might be and I came to the conclusion it’s work experience. I have it but they’re internships. Some don’t see that has experience. Sorry but that’s all I have been given. Just because I haven’t got paid a real salary, it doesn’t mean it isn’t work experience. Should I find a time machine so I can go back in time to find a “real job”? I don’t think so. It seems some employers are idiots. OK, fine don’t give me a chance. Your loss. It shouldn’t matter if you got paid for the job or not. I don’t know what internships should be called then if not work experience. They’re done in a real working environment and not done at home. An internship is better than nothing. Some don’t even have that.
Those internships haven’t helped much. All of those places haven’t opened any doors. So when people say internships will help to get a job is just nonsense. Employers only want to exploit cheap labour. All this propaganda that unemployment has decreased are just fillers in the media. Whoever believes in that are fools. Only the people with good connections will open the next door. All those unlucky ones have to settle for what they got. Most people have dreams and goals but they don’t have a chance to make them true because they have so many other issues to handle. Everyone can’t become entrepreneurs or be at the right place at the right time.
Sometimes I want to give up and not even try to open another door. But then motivation kicks in and I’m full of hope. It doesn’t take long but at least I see it. Failing is part of life but it’s like the heatwave, it’s only temporarily. Even successful people have had it rough but they didn’t give up. If they had, they wouldn’t be here to courage people. Intentionally or unintentionally. Everyone has doubts. A lot of athletes have had injuries and they thought they wouldn’t be as good as they were before it. They believed in themselves and they made a comeback (like Novak Djokovic who won Wimbledon yesterday) Things like that lifts up my spirit. Believing in yourself when no one else seems to is the best revenge. I will try to open every door until I find the door that opens. It must out there somewhere.