I did not want to have the same job as my parents did. I’ve always known that. My mother (who passed away 2 years ago this December) were a department secretary. She worked in different places, like hospitals. She did a lot of office work. That’s something I couldn’t do. Maybe for a while but that has never been my agenda.

My father is a goldsmith and he’s got an own business. Making jewelry is kind of dirty job. Even though I’m good in handiwork, it’s not my thing. I’ve helped him in his work shop and I’ve seen how it’s done. There’s a machines and stuff which makes me a bit scared. The workshop gets really dirty and I can’t work in a place like that because I have a sensitive skin.

I’ve always been indecisive when it comes to jobs. I knew what I didn’t want to be. I didn’t want to have a “normal” job. I wanted a job that were versatile and where I could express myself. That’s the reason I still haven’t found my calling. I’ve thought too much about what I wanted to do. Nothing has really excited me when it comes to jobs. I had ideas but they haven’t stayed long. I’ve studied different kind of things. Including journalism but that wasn’t for me. One time I thought how cool it would be to interview and meet famous people. I realised in that school that I can’t listen and write at the same time. I also wasn’t very good at writing articles and whatever journalist do.

The only thing that has stayed in my mind the longest, is photography. I went to a photography school in 2001 but I quit because it wasn’t something I wanted to do at the time. I also didn’t understand the developing of the films. If  digital cameras only were more common then maybe things would be different now. I took up photography again a few years later. Even more when I bought a DSLR camera in 2008. I wanted to become a Formula 1 photographer but I think that was only because of a driver I liked. I realised that will never happen anyway. Just too much work.

Recently I’ve thought about if I really got what it takes to become a pro. Maybe it’s an unrealistic dream. I don’t even photograph all the time. During the photography degree course in Helsinki Design School, my motivation dropped. Even though I learned new things there, I still feel indecisive if I really want to do photography after all. There’s not many jobs over here either. Which makes it even harder to keep up the motivation. You really need to stand out to sell your photos and I don’t think I’m not that good. Maybe I should choose an easier profession. But something I already know something about.

One thing’s for sure, I never wanted to do what my parents did. I’m a Gemini and I get bored easily. To keep my motivation up, I need changes and something to look forward. I just gets lazy and don’t feel like doing anything if I don’t. But I’m also an introvert which makes this profession choice even harder. If famous introverts can do it (like J.K. Rowling) then so can I.

(Day 3 of NaBloPoMo)