Tag: personal

Writing 101:God, the serial killer that never gets caught

MiaLeave a comment

Today’s writing 101 is perfect for me. If someone knows about loss, it’s me. It feels like my whole life has been about loss. Nothing is worse than losing a loved one. Going personal now even if this blog is not about that. This will be a difficult task for me to write but I have to do it. So here it goes.

It started in 1983 (soon my age will be revealed :D) I was 6 years old. My big sister had been ill since she was a child but it got worse as she got older. I was so young at the time so I don’t remember much about it. She spent her time in the hospital a lot. That’s one of the reasons I don’t like hospitals. My mother had to stop working to care of her at home. I went to preschool so my mother could concentrate on my sister’s well-being. All I remember her laying on the hospital bed with see-through plastic over her bed and her food didn’t stay inside her stomach her anymore. I don’t exactly know what kind of disease she had. It was something about her immune system.

So on October 26, they called from the hospital that my sister had passed away. I don’t remember how the news was told to me. I asked my mother about it years later. I had been in my bedroom making a box out of Lego and put Lego pieces in it. She asked what I was doing and I asked who will give her food now (or something like that) Just the thought about a 6-year-old wondering about that is heartbreaking. I don’t think I really understood what had happened. That was the first time I knew what loss was. It turned my life completely. I’ve thought about how my life would have been if it things wouldn’t have turned out the way they did. I never talked about my sister because people wouldn’t have understood anyway. I did that a few times and they just felt sorry for me. I just didn’t like the look on their faces. There was an incident in school with a class mate once but my mother never told me what it was even if I asked. I don’t remember any of it. Maybe it was for the better. Growing up without a sibling, takes its toll. I would be a total different person if I had my sister around. She was only 10 and too young to die. I was glad she was my sister.

Even if I’m not religious, I do believe in God. Even if God is the serial killer that never gets caught. He takes people away from you no matter how important they are to you. It doesn’t matter if they’re good, God still punishes you. Maybe there is a reason for it. But it doesn’t stop there. Just when you thought your life is back on track, next thing happens.

To be continued…

It’s your birthday they say

MiaLeave a comment

Today it’s my birthday (and Wentworth Miller) It’s also the 1st time my mother is not around. Birthdays doesn’t mean that much to me. It was different when I was a kid. Presents and that stuff. Today birthdays are just one step closer to death. Even if it’s at least 40 years left of my life. Age is nothing but a number anyway. A lot of people are afraid to get old but not to me. We are meant to get old. No one lives forever. It’s not what age you are, it’s about what age you feel.

For me, my birthday is just going out to lunch (like me and dad did today) and that’s about it. Besides I hate parties anyway so I don’t need that.

 

An early birthday present

MiaLeave a comment

It’s the ice hockey world championships in Minsk at the moment. Ice hockey is a very big and important sport here in Finland. The tournament hasn’t gone very well until yesterday. Finland won against Canada which means, we are fighting for medals. A lot of people already had lost faith in the team. But they proved them wrong. Never underestimate the power of a Finn.

The most important thing in this post is, something good has happened in my life for a change. I haven’t even told my dad yet. I applied to a school called Helsinki Design School. They also have degrees like Graphic design and Fashion design. I applied to a Photographer’s degree. It’s a private school and it’s not cheap. They only take students that have motivation and real goals. They got the best teachers you could imagine. They’re all pros in their business. I wasn’t really sure first if I should apply or not. But when I did make that choice, it was a good one.

HDS

I GOT IN! 🙂

HDS_getit

I was a bit sceptic if I could get in or not. The application was done on the internet so it was pretty easy. The most difficult thing was, why should I be the one to get it. Mostly about goals and motivations. I sent the application May 8 and the answer came today, May 24. I almost lost hope for a while. But just a while. In my mind I kept wishing and wishing. I didn’t want to jinx it so I didn’t say it out loud. Sometimes I’m pessimistic about things. I give up too easily. I should really have more faith.

What really appealed to me about this school was the great opportunity to learn photography from real pros. Their the one’s that knows how the business works. I also liked the way the school presents itself. Positive attitude, breaking the rules of learning, helping the students to reach their goals. I really hope this will help me get better opportunities and meet new people. The school is also situated in the centre of Helsinki which suits me perfectly. I’ve been there so many times, I almost know it like my home town. You only have to attend the school once a month. Other times it’s self learning and doing assigments.

You should never take things for granted. Things are really not as bad as it looks. I should remember that.