Tag: postaday

Rearranging story lines

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stack of books
Books I own

I’m not a book reader even though I’m an introvert. I wouldn’t want to write one either. But what I love writing about is fiction in an alternative universe. In other words RPF (real person fiction) I wrote a post about that before but this is for those who just joined in (sounds like a radio program there 😀 ) I’ve written a few about characters from movies. Well Lord of the rings and The Hobbit. I also have a blog about those so you can try to find them if you like. I prefer writing about real people. Actually it’s not about them, it’s just the names that are real and how they look like.

When I come up with a story, I think about it in my head. I usually write as I go along. Real author’s probably write their ideas down and changes their stories several times. I mainly write for pure entertainment. People seem to like to read them so it’s also for them. But it’s usually for my own pleasure. When I get an idea, I really write them and not just think about it. If I’m really pleased about it, I post it online. I have stories I haven’t even finished but I use some of the ideas I had there. Since I write as I go along, I can rearrange the story lines. For example at the moment I’m writing a story where I suddenly got an idea that I didn’t even consider when I started. The story is going to a total different direction. It can change rapidly. When inspiration struck, I can’t stop writing. Sometimes I even stay up all night because the ideas keep flooding in. I always read them through several times because there is always some spelling errors or I want to write them in a different way. When I’m satisfied, I post them online. I don’t get the reaction from readers the way I want to and sometimes it bugs me but I still post them despite that. I assume some don’t have that analysing look on things and I’m OK with that. Maybe they don’t understand what I’m trying to say. It can be anything but I don’t dwell on the matter for very long.

So where do I get inspiration from? Sorry I can’t tell you because then I have to kill you. Joking a side. I get ideas from everyday life, movies, music, actors but mostly about men I like at the time. I written about athletes but mostly actors since I have a thing for them. My first ever fan fiction was about an actor but I only wrote it for myself. I’ve read it later and I must say, I really have improved since then. That’s one of the reasons why I write in English. It sounds so much better and I learn the language at the same time. It also stimulates my brain cells and improves my imagination. I like making up plots and creating storylines. I’m not really good at describing in detail and I rather concentrate on the characters feelings. Maybe it’s not the best way to let a reader imagine how the atmosphere is like or what the characters are wearing but that’s why I’m not a book author. I write what I want to read because there’s so many different tastes. Some like reading details and someone prefer the story line. I can’t really know unless someone tells me. I want to know what the characters are doing and saying, not what they wear or the what the interior looks like. It might work in books but in fan fiction it should be faster. That’s the way I write and I like it. Great if someone thinks the same.

I also read other people’s fan fiction but most of them are about things I don’t really care about. I began to write my own because I didn’t find things I wanted to read. But reading others makes you find English words you don’t know what they mean. Sometimes it’s difficult to describe something in English. Sounds are difficult to put into words. I don’t even know them in my own language. I use Google a lot because of this. I’m really interested in human behaviour. Why do certain people act the way they do? Is there something in their childhood that made them they way they are? Why are these people so damaged, they act like they own the place? Questions like that are very helpful in writing and why not in real life. There are great fan fiction writers out there. I wish my English would improve so much I could use those words for my own advantages. Writing in any way is a great hobby so no need to rearrange things there.

Smokin’ hot

Mia1 Comment

Smokin‘ hot

You’re smokin’ hot

but I’m not

I never get a shot

You’re there and I’m here

You don’t know me but I know you

You’re smokin’ hot

I love the way you talk and the way you walk

but I never meet you

You’re smokin’ hot and you don’t even know it

But you always show it

You’re a good actor and that’s a factor

But one day your looks will fail

so enjoy it while you’re smoking hot

In memory of my sister

Mia13 Comments

inmemory

Today it’s been 33 years since my big sister past away. Even if it’s been that long, I never really got over it. She was 10 and I was 6. I don’t remember much of that time. She got sick at a very young age. It was something with her immune system. At the time the illness was unknown. She had some kind of tumour in her brain since she had to shave her head. I don’t actually know what kind of decease she had. Losing a child and a sibling at a very young age changes a person for good. No one should go through it. Children should not become sick. They should live a life and not got banned from it. I can really sympathise with people who has lost a child or a sibling. A part of you dies and you never really get over it. You just move on. Life is full of unfairness. Some experience it more than others. Sometimes I think why do I have go through this. Why am I banned from happiness? Haven’t I suffered enough? Those are question everyone will go through one way or another.

My childhood was happy until that day. After that I wasn’t the same person. No one knows how to grow up without a sibling besides a person who lost one themselves. People bicker about how much they dislike their sister or brother. At least they have one. Try to live a life without a sibling. If you’re an only child, you don’t know how it is to have one.
I am a bit envy of people with siblings. You can never replace them. They are not toys you can buy in a store. No matter what your relationship is with them, you still have someone to share your sorrows and happiness with. A relationship with a sibling is not like an intimate relationship with your partner. You known your siblings all your life. They lived your childhood. They know the real you. Your childhood molds you to the person you become.

I can only speak for myself how my sister’s death has affected me. I’ve tried to analyse why I am the way I am. Why I’m not as brave as I should be? Why am I not a risk taker and so on. One of the reason is that I haven’t had that sibling who encourage me. Of course parents have supported me in whatever I did but a sibling is a bit different. My sister was good at making friends which I’ve never been good at. I always wondered how I got friends in the first place. Those friends I had didn’t really understand what I went through when I lost her. There was an incident in school once but I don’t remember any of it. My mother never told me what is was. Maybe she just wanted to save me from pain. Losing her first-born took a toll on her too. She became maybe a little overprotective over me but I don’t blame her. It wasn’t her fault. Other bad experiences changed me and not her.

I loved my sister and she loved me. A shame we couldn’t grow up to adulthood. My life would be totally different. I would be a different person. But you can’t turn back the clock. You have to live the life you’re giving. I sometimes think about how life would be if she was still around but I also think about how life would be now if my mother was alive. There’s nothing wrong about thinking what if. I do get sad when I think about it. If I had my sister she would have been a great comfort and wouldn’t feel so alone after mother died. She would probably have a family I could spend my holidays with. I don’t know what kind of job she would have but she would have one. She would help me find my place and my mind wouldn’t wanderer around in my head. I don’t know if my life would be happier but I sure would smile more. No one knows what life would be like if people wouldn’t die. It sure is nice from time to time to think about what ifs. Nothing will change but it’s great comfort to think about a life that could be.

I feel banned at times and think what have I done to deserve this. But bad things happen to good people. My sister didn’t deserve to die such a young age. My mother was also a good person but still she became sick. Diseases shouldn’t take good people. It doesn’t matter if you good or bad, death comes no matter what, deserved or not. I just hope my life won’t be all sorrow. I don’t want to feel banned but I don’t want people to bug me either. I don’t believe in God anymore (and I’m not a religious person) because I’ve lost so many loved once. Maybe there is a high power who decides who lives and who dies.

So today it’s 33 years when my sister passed away. She’s not in human form anymore but she still lives in my memories. I miss her everyday and I think about her when I’m lonely.
Be happy to have a sibling(s) Never take them for granted because some of us wish we still had one. See yourself privileged. Think what would be worse, losing a sibling or have one alive. I doubt many can put themselves in our shoes. You can sympathise but you can never know how it really feels like until you’re there yourself.

RIP Nina 1973-1983

Tallenna