Tag: Ragtag Daily Prompt

Which way to go and it can not be ephemeral

MiaLeave a comment
next step with chalk
Made in Canva. Photos from Pixabay.com

Here I am again, thinking about what to do next in life. It’s summer so I don’t really want to think about it. I applied for a job but I doubt I even get an interview. I just hate when people want to define you from your application and they only want what benefits them. Applying for jobs is just that. Trying to impress people who probably don’t even care. They expect you to dance to their tune. When I make a decision about what the next step might me, it’s usually ephemeral. I wish I could stick to something in the long run but I’m too indecisive. I didn’t expect my education in Helsinki Design School to open any new doors but I didn’t want it to stop everything again either. I feel I already studied everything I wanted and now I want to practice what I’ve learned. I don’t even know if I learned anything. It was the same with web design. I learned these things in school but when the real world came, I was totally lost about what to do. It’s not like I’m operating on people but still, it makes me nervous. Not even getting an unpaid internship doesn’t help the matter.

I’m never been good with decisions as I’ve written in this blog many times before. I have the attitude, I can do it tomorrow, but I never do. Then it’s suddenly been 2 years or so. People who are younger than you get the opportunity because you hesitated. Getting out of your comfort zone isn’t easy in practice. It’s easy for someone else to say it to you than actually doing it. There are thousands of tips online about how to make faster decisions but they’re no use to me. I can’t do it anyway. It’s easy to choose about what movie to see or what to eat, then making decisions what you want to do with your life. There are people who have studied in Helsinki Design School and they started their own business. During studying there. If not with their own business but other successes. I wish I could have been one of those people but I never got around doing it. But I couldn’t concentrate on two things at once. That’s one of the reasons I never worked during any education I’ve been in.

I’m not even sure I’m ready to be on my own but what can I do if I can’t find a job. I’m tired of doing nothing and not having any near future plans. It should be my decision to do what I feel and not waiting for acceptance from other people. There are many ways to do things and you don’t need to do everything anyone else does. I want to make a decision that isn’t ephemeral. I want to stick to decisions that are long-lived.

Don’t cramp my style or the lack of it

MiaLeave a comment
cramp my style
Made in Canva

So another education passed. Eleven months went by like a breeze. Like I posted yesterday (Sunday) I passed the graphic design education in Helsinki Design School. The portfolio presentation was awful though. I had written on a paper on what to say and had it with me in front of the class. But then I panicked and it went like this. “Here’s what I’ve done and that’s thank you” I didn’t say anything about the projects so I didn’t get any feedback. Only what kind of graphic design I would want to do and that I should make more projects to my portfolio. The others were much better at their presentations. Even them who felt nervous before. I just don’t know what happened to me. I wanted to get out of the situation as quickly as possible like many times before. I was so nervous and felt uncomfortable because people were looking at me. I was so disappointed by my presentation but the other student’s work was so much better than mine so I felt ashamed for mine. It felt I had no skills whatsoever. Some of the students hadn’t done any graphic design before school. Since I didn’t get any decent feedback I don’t know what my strength is in design. I don’t know what they are and I guess no one else knows either. Maybe my style is boring and amateurish. What was the most disappointing thing in Helsinki Design School was not finding my style. I don’t know if I have potential or should I quit with design altogether. I will regret my portfolio presentation forever.

Maybe finding a style doesn’t happen in 11 months for everyone. I develope slowly in everything and might get old before I find anything. Or even worse, never. My goals for this education didn’t actually come true. I learned new things but if I can use that knowledge in a job is a different matter. There were times when I felt really excited to be in this school but now not so much. I knew I wouldn’t become friends with anyone and also that I wouldn’t get connections. Honestly, I think the whole school flatter themselves too much. Don’t get me wrong. The school is good to learn new things and the atmosphere in the class is good. But it doesn’t get you discovered by employers. One of my classmates did get an internship through a teacher who taught there but she was the lucky one. I didn’t get a job after I studied photography in the same school and I’m sure I won’t get one this time either. You won’t find any magic beans there. It only makes you feel abandoned.

This experience shouldn’t discourage me but it does. Why should I even need a certain style? I like to do different things or I would be bored. I know what my style isn’t. That’s the easy part. The problem with the assignment was we only got feedback and after that nothing else. If you work with a client, you get several comments and that way you can make your design better. But with a teacher, you don’t get that. In the end, it doesn’t matter what feedback you got during an education because that’s only one opinion. It’s really about what kind of work you want to do. I know one day what my style will be and it will change many times. I work with what I’ve got. You never really graduate in this life because there’s always something new to learn. Knowing that Helsinki Design School was just one journey that now has come to an end. What will happened next is a mystery.