Blow my dreams away

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Blow my dreams away

I give up my big dreams

What is the point working for it

Blow my dreams away, you’re good at that

I’m tired of trying, it’s all in vain

Maybe it works for some, but not for me

I don’t have what it takes

Blow my dreams away

I tried many times, but nothing works

I will only think about small dreams

Blow my dreams of finding work

I never get what I want in life, so I won’t bother

“You will find something too” won’t help the cause

The only dream you won’t blow away is the driver’s license I know I get

It’s you, not me

green braincell
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Some might think I suffer from some kind of encephalopathy. But it’s you and not me. My brain works just fine. I’m not the one who leaves things lying around in the street. I don’t litter in nature either. So who has something wrong with their minds? Sometimes you would think some piece is missing from their brains. How difficult is it to put trash in a bin? Especially now when people need to wear a mask. Some people don’t care and throw them everywhere. It’s disgusting to see those things on the street. The same goes for cigarette stubs. Even if the bin is near, they throw them on the ground. Littering in the first place is so uncivilised. What are people, animals? Even animals are cleaner than humans. It’s a disgrace. Adults teach kids to live around trash. No wonder oceans and seas are full of all kind of crap. Kids are our future, they say. I have no hope in them if they act the way they do now. It won’t help if only some youngsters care about the environment. We all should do something about it, or the future world will become a big trash can.

I like learning new things, but sometimes it can be something you didn’t expect. Yesterday, I had a driving lesson with a real car. It was quite difficult to drive it because it’s a new model. The handbrake is only a switch, and there is no key to start it. That’s only a button. To make the car move, you should lift the clutch up slowly. If you do it too fast, the car moves faster too. The same with the break. If you push it too hard, it jerks. When you have to use the clutch so much, your left leg gets tired. The whole lesson went to learn about the car and how to use the clutch. I drove around the block in a quiet street. There wasn’t any time to drive longer than that. I’m worried I might crash because the car wasn’t the same as I have driven before. I let the teacher drive back to the driving school. So I have to take at least 4 hours more of lessons because I won’t get past the test with only one drive. It’s a bit weird to learn to drive a newer car when you have a totally different one. Driving any car isn’t as easy as it looks. You need to know the gear by heart because you need to see where you are going. It’s not easy to see from your driving seat to the other side. Especially when you’re not experienced enough. When you’re driving, there is so much to do and see. I don’t know how someone can look on their mobile when they drive. It’s really dangerous to do so anyway.

At least I use my brain. Unlike certain others. You would think employers have a brain shortage of some kind because finding a job is like trying to make sense of something that is obvious to you but not to them. Having educations and good health doesn’t mean you will get hired. I’ve applied for a job, but I won’t get it because I don’t have experience. I don’t want it now anyway. It’s useless to use your brain cells to search for a job. It makes me go round a twist. Not as much as littering and people who don’t care about anything but themselves, though. They should have their brain checked. Maybe you can find some kind of encephalopathy in them. At least it’s not me; it’s you.

My path to becoming a graphic designer, or not

I have recently taken part in a few challenges on Behance and Instagram, so I haven’t had the time to blog. The first one mentioned is an Adobe Illustrator challenge. The other is a typography challenge which is once a year and for 36 days. There is a letter (and number later on) every day. You can use any tool you like and any way you want. If anyone is interested, you can see my work over here. There is a lot of great work other people have done. You can use the tag #36daysoftype on Instagram. The one of Behance about Illustrator has been a lot of fun, and I’ve learned new things. It ended last Friday, but the videos are still there. I also tried the Photoshop one, but I didn’t have time to do that too. There is also a chat on Discord where you can get feedback. That’s very important because graphic design is a learning process. You are never ready. Not only graphic design but also other things in life.

It feels like I’m always late. It took me years to find what I was looking for. I’ve tried different occupations, but I have never found something I felt passionate about. I wanted to do something different. Money hasn’t been a motive for me. I rather do something that makes me feel good. I want enough money so I can afford to live. I don’t believe in that having a job that pays you well. I will rather be without a job than be in a job I don’t like. During those years where I thought about what I want to do for a living, most people already found their things. I feel like I’m only starting out even if I’ve done things for years. I don’t know what my working title is. I have never had a graphic design job where I get paid, so I don’t know if I can call myself a graphic designer. I have only had clients in web design, but that was part of the education. Having a portfolio is an important thing in creativity. Looking at other people’s portfolios, it feels like mine is plain. I don’t have much to show, only school work. If I started with graphic design earlier, I would have something to show. You can’t go back in time. It’s not too late to get something done. You only need enough confidence in yourself. You shouldn’t compare yourself to others, but it isn’t easy. You still feel you’re not up for it. It doesn’t help either when you don’t get hired anywhere. Not even an internship.

On Discord, there is a chat about creative careers where you can post your Behance portfolio. Then you can also get feedback. There are a lot of great work people have done, and then there is me. It’s a bit of an embarrassment because mine isn’t that great. I don’t even dare to introduce myself because I don’t feel like a graphic designer. Even if the first time I studied graphic design in 2009. But I wasn’t doing any of it after 2011 when it ended. The same goes with web design, but I don’t want to do that after all. Another thing is what kind of projects would I do. It seems that a lot of people have branding and visual identities. Trying to be different from other designers is difficult. My confidence in becoming one myself is soon gonna break into pieces like glass. I’m running out of options. I probably will never get a job. I hardly get any follows on social media, so getting those in the professional won’t be easy. I don’t think I will get “discovered” on Behance or any other portfolio places. My path to becoming a graphic designer started too late, and it’s only in my head that someone would hire me for my work. I shouldn’t give up, though. We all go through different paths, and there is no right or wrong way to become something you want to be.