Tag: relationships

Why do you have to go and make things so complicated?

Mia2 Comments

pen on whiteIn web and graphic design there is a rule called, K.I.S.S (keep it simple stupid or silly) Why must life be so complicated when you can simplify it? Why can’t life be like in design? You shouldn’t need to have so many details. But when you deal with people simply isn’t always an option. We’re one of the most complicated creatures ever lived. It shouldn’t be that way. But what can you do? Some people just make things more difficult than it has to be.

What is common sense to one person, can be something else for another. For example, when I was a child people obeyed house rules. When the clock struck 10 pm, you weren’t allowed to play music out loud or make loud noises. But now it seems people don’t care what time it is. They have loud parties half the night and they don’t care who they disturb. How complicated is it to take others into consideration? Very difficult it seems. We live in a me-me-me society. As long as they have it good, no one else matters. You would think the world is full of idiots. Young people especially. They think they can do what they like without consequences. Fortunately, not everyone is like that. Some do have manners. It’s only that small group that hasn’t. I wonder how they will survive in adulthood if they can’t even behave now.

Any relationships are made complicated because people don’t talk to each other. They only assume what others are thinking. They mostly think about not hurting someone’s feelings. Honesty is much better than lying but you can be discreet about it. There are things you should keep to yourself. You don’t need to comment on everything you see. The limit between positive criticising and hurting someone can be difficult because some get more easily hurt than others. If you’re a sympathetic person, you know when to stifle it. You can put yourself in their place. If it only were that simple to others then there would probably less bullying or sexual harassment in the world. It really depends how your upbringing was. Your attitude comes from home. It’s the parent’s job to teach their children how to have respect for others. You can’t expect the teacher to teach them everything.

How simple life would be if you only needed to say, no don’t it or go ahead? No one would fight against it and everyone would be nice to each other. People would obey and accept the way things are. But it’s those emotions and feelings that spoils it all. Humans have complicated minds and nothing is simplified to us. Not everything needs to be so complicated though. Being nice to others should be easy. You don’t need to like a person but at least don’t be an idiot. A simple smile can save anyone’s day. Accepting differences is simple but there’s always someone resisting it. It’s really their problem. You shouldn’t let those ungrateful people spoil your life. Life should be as simplified as possible.

Forlorn away from success

MiaLeave a comment

blue pearlsIt seems that everything I do or do in this life so far hasn’t given me any success. I feel forlorn and cursed. Maybe people find me uninteresting. Especially when it comes to job search. Studying doesn’t seem to help to get a job. I don’t know what I should do so someone could find the connection with me. Nothing has come easy for me. In social media, Tumblr blog, personal life etc. For example, I had to start my Tumblr blog all over again because I wanted to delete my previous one. To make a long story short. It took me at least 5 years before I even got followers there and I need a way to get them back. Should I wait another 5 years? OK, it’s not the end of the world if people don’t follow me. It didn’t take overnight to get followers on this blog either. My point is, it can feel frustrating to work so hard and yet you don’t get much back no matter what it is.

It’s mentally exhausting to have a thought you’re not qualified for anything. I might say I don’t mind if things won’t happen the way I wish. But that’s just a defence mechanism. I don’t want to be famous or anything but I don’t want to be ignored either. Maybe it’s an introvert thing or a Gemini thing but I want things but I’m not confident enough to do anything about it. Sometimes I dislike myself. I’m probably the most indecisive person I know. I really don’t practice what I preach. It’s so easy saying to other people what to do but doing them yourself is difficult. I really hope there is no one like me out there. I could not handle a person like me. I guess my weakness is putting myself down. I know I can do anything but I’m too much of a coward to do anything. When things go wrong, I usually blame myself. But like everyone else, I have a dark side.

I really had some anger issues when I was younger. I had moments when I totally lost it. I could throw things and stomp as loud as I could. All of this happened at home. I never showed that side of me in public. I didn’t hurt other people, just myself. Sometimes I could be so frustrated, I hit myself. I didn’t know why I was so angry. To this day, you don’t want to see me angry. I still got easily irritated but it’s only because the way people behave. I have my pet peeves like anyone. I get over my anger easily though. I learned there are things you can’t do anything about. If I don’t get what I want, I don’t get upset. How other people behave, it’s not my fault. I can’t make people become friends or employers to hire me. As an adult, you can’t have tantrums like some kids have in public. I really hate being angry. I become a really unpleasant person. I swear like a sailor and I might say hurtful things. That’s a side I don’t want other people to see. But people shouldn’t act like idiots either. What goes around, comes around.

Most time I’m a calm person. I have manners and take other into account. When you get to know me, you can see I can be silly too. I just hate being the one who has to take the initiative. In school, I had to start a conversation to get to know people. Never the other way around. I got the idea they didn’t want to be my friend. Even now in adult education. They say you should network with your classmates but they didn’t even ask if they could keep in touch. I guess I wasn’t that interesting to them. Oh well, people come and go. I rather am forlorn than be with the wrong people. The same with relationships. I might be picky but at least I have standards. I always want someone I can’t have anyway. For some having someone in their life is really important but for me, it’s not the end of the world. Besides, there are so many other interesting things to think about then relationships. Freedom is so much more appealing so I stick with that for the time being.

Coming out of the closet

Mia3 Comments

nightmareFirst of all, the title can mean a lot of things and it doesn’t necessarily mean revealing your real sexuality. It can also mean coming out from your shell or coming out to reveal something about yourself no on knows about. I know I don’t write about my personal life on this blog. But this post is not really about that. It’s more of revealing something about the person I am. Some things can become as a shock or a surprise but I hope no one thinks badly of me.

I’ve always known my own sexuality and never doubted it. Since I was 9 I knew I liked boys. My first crush was a boy from a family we went skiing with to Lapland. He was a very good skier which I was a bit jealous of. He had lessons but I’ve only been taught by my dad. Anyway, that crush didn’t take long. He said something hurtful to me which put me right off. It was probably something silly but still I stopped crushing him. Just as well. He got married young and yadda yadda. We only met on those ski trips which lasted one week so it wasn’t important. Besides crushes come and go.

I have never had a crush on a girl. I did have some kind of encounter with one once but I don’t actually remember how. It was something about touching each others tongues just to see what it tasted like. Or something else silly. I was a child at the time so it could have been anything. Otherwise I’ve never even looked at a girl that way. Honestly a naked female body is prettier than a male one. But that has nothing to do with my sexuality. There a lot of woman I find beautiful but that’s not gay at all. Maybe a bit jealous but being beautiful does have its disadvantages.

Sexuality is a funny thing. There are men who are afraid to touch another men because they’re afraid they’ll be labelled as gay. But in sport they have no problems at all. When females touch each other (like hugging) it’s a natural thing. In movies and TV shows men find it sexy when two females mud wrestler or kiss each other. That’s a stereotype I don’t really understand. Is it really like that in real life? Do men find it sexy that two females participate in acts like that? I do admit seeing two men doing stuff like that does look kind of sexy. I’ve not always thought so. Even reading slash fiction was turn-off but now I fully understand what people see in them.

Why must there be a label on everything? When I was younger (feel really old now) you were either straight, homosexual, bi and transsexual. Now there’s demisexual and semisexual. Just to mention a few. If there weren’t internet I would have never even heard those words. No wonder young people these days have trouble finding their sexuality. It doesn’t really matter what you are. You are human nevertheless. We all have needs. Love is not just for young and the beautiful. Even I who are shy around this subject have needs but I’m all talk and no action. I’m too embarrassed to admit normal human actions. I rather shy away from those kind of feelings in public. I prefer keeping things to myself and live in my little bubble. In my fantasy world where things go perfectly. A world where no one has a look in.

I’m more open-minded about sexuality than I was before. It wasn’t that long ago when I felt disgusted. There were things I didn’t want to see or think about. Like slash fiction that I mentioned before. I couldn’t see two straight characters being sexually attracted to each other. But after discovering I actually find it a turn on. But that’s just in fiction. I don’t think I would want to see that kind of things in real life. In a way I am a prude but at the same time curious but I wouldn’t act on it. I do watch Game of Thrones for crying out loud.

I always seem to fall for guys that don’t even know I’m alive and men I’ll never meet. E.g. singers and actors. The reason for that must be because no one has really been interested in me and when someone have, it has felt embarrassing. It’s never mutual either. I don’t stress about not having anyone. I’m picky and it takes ages before I fall for someone. It’s much easier to like someone when you see your crushes on TV or in movies. I’ve thought too much about what to do for a living than in relationships. When you don’t attract anyone it’s easy to concentrate on other things. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not I don’t have enough of confidence when it comes to relationships. I find more positive things for not having anyone. Sometimes I wish I could find someone who gives me the same feelings I have towards men I can’t have. But the independent me tells me I don’t need a man to be happy. To tell you the truth, no man in real life have ever given me sexual feelings. Maybe once but that was a lost cause. I like men who see me as a person and doesn’t care how I dress or my appearance in general. If there’s no such man, I rather be alone because I’m not gonna try to impress anyone. Call me a misfit but I’m not gonna be in the same mold as the other woman out there. It’s a shame men don’t even bother getting to know me. They just see how I look like and run. But that’s their loss.

So now I’ve come out of that closet. It’s more of a confession really. I hope I haven’t offended anyone but that’s how I am. Honesty is the best policy after all.

Be true to yourself and other’s will follow.