Maybe I should stop using social media altogether. I don’t get much reaction very often from what I post there. It feels like walking in the shadows. Not even a single silhouette of me. It’s like talking to a wall or myself. Then again talking to myself isn’t bad. How could I have an intellectual conversation otherwise? A lot of people post things I don’t really care about. Comparing my life with theirs, at least they have an exciting one. Nothing much happens in mine. Social media can be a very depressive place. If you feel down, it’s better to avoid it altogether. I rather do something else than be online.

They say you can use social media in a job search. Oh really? It doesn’t work for everyone. LinkedIn is quite overrated too. I’ve only got one message from a recruiter and that was last year. I think using your energy to something else is a much better choice. Maybe it can work for some but I’m walking in the shadow where no one notices no matter what I do. My network only got 5 people which is even less effective. Apparently, I’m not that interesting to recruiters. But that’s no surprise. They say job search is like dating but I have no luck in that either. At least I’m not alone. A lot of other people have the same problems.
Self- employment is the other option. What worries me about having an own business, is how can I find clients, if my personal account doesn’t get much attention? Getting yourself out there shouldn’t be this hard but what can you do when there are a thousand of others trying to do the same.

I wonder if I chose the wrong occupation, design (web and graphic). There are not many job offers for someone who hasn’t had that much experience. Young people who started in their teens with design versus someone who changed careers at 30 something. Who gets the job? The young person because they’re the future obviously. That’s what the employers are looking for. It’s not just design but photography as well. You must be quite good to get hired. With my skills it’s impossible. I’ve tried to practice drawing lately but I feel it’s a lost cause. Honestly, I’m not that excited about drawing. I would definitely not get a job where it’s required. At least not with this one I drew last night.

My father is a good drawer so he said practice makes you better but I don’t think that works for me. You need the passion for it. I wish I could be as excited about it as I am in fan fiction writing. Other jobs seem so boring. At least in design, you can do the job anywhere. Whatever others say, this is my final decision and nothing will make me change my mind. Then again, that’s what I thought about photography too and that failed.

If I didn’t have this blog and support from you, the reader, I wouldn’t have the motivation to keep going. I would feel useless and untalented. I would probably be suffering from depression if I let negative thoughts enter my mind. I might feel down for a while but unlike depression, it’s just a passing feeling. I don’t want to be famous, I just want someone to believe in what I do. Walking in the shadows should be temporary but no one seems to have the courage to speak up. I rather hear negative comments about my skills than hearing no comments at all. But they don’t need to be criticising. You can say things nicely. If no one never gives advice or comments about what they like about your work, how can you get better? I just want to know if I really have the skill I think I have. I don’t want to continue something I have no future with. That goes with anything life has to offer.