Tag: writing

My portion of life

Mia1 Comment

streetfoodThe older one gets, the more you understand life is hard. But it’s not always in a negative way. The portion of life has its ups and down because that’s the way it is. Everyone has it difficult sometimes but that doesn’t mean you should feel you’re not worth it. I can’t put myself in someone’s shoes who got mental issues because I’m never been depressed. I’ve felt down for a while but I found things to pull up my spirit. It’s easy for me to say, get over it. Only a person who’s suffered from mental illness can understand how it really feels like. When I was a teenager I did think about suicide when I felt things were impossible but I would never have acted on it. Some have it so bad, they actually do try. There have been recent celebrity deaths that have been caused by too much medication. Just take Chris Cornell for example. He had a loving family and a band but still, he ended his own life. We don’t know the real reason and many questions will be unanswered. There had to be more than just too much medicine. The one’s who’s gonna suffer the most is the family. Someone who decides to end their life is selfish. But when they’re depressed, they don’t think about that. Depression should be talked about and not pretending it doesn’t exist. You can’t save them all but suicide shouldn’t be the last resort. If people talked more, a lot of problems could be solved. If you keep everything inside it will get worse. There’s always someone who can help. It’s not easy to take the first step but if it that step doesn’t come from you first, nothing will get better.

When I was younger I went to psychiatrists and talking about my problems did help. Going to one is nothing to be embarrassed about. You don’t need to feel incomplete and ashamed about wanting to get help. You can’t handle everything alone. For me, writing is one kind of therapy. It’s cheaper than paying for a psychiatrist. If you can’t afford one, writing your thoughts down can be a big help. I’ve had a lot of diaries where I wrote what I thought about and what I experienced. Reading them years later, makes me wonder why I even felt what I felt at the time. I wrote a lot of silly stuff too that I now find ridiculous. If I hadn’t written my thought down, I would have been a different person now and maybe I wouldn’t be here to tell the tale. All those problems I had then seems unnecessary now. If I had chosen a different path, I would have caused a lot of sadness to my parents. They’d already had lost one child and if I had given up as soon as things got tough, I would have missed a lot of things. Instead of thinking what you don’t have, maybe thinking about things you do have, will make you feel better.

Tomorrow I’ll be turning, urgh, 40. Yikes. Time really has flown by. Becoming older is not fun but it’s not bad either. I’m glad I’ve come this far. I wouldn’t want to be a teenager. I hated that period. I’ve never been a rebel and I didn’t do what others at my age did. I thought other teens were stupid and I rather stayed home with my parents. I had other teen problems. Spots and all that. I wasn’t happy with myself. I let other people treat me like I didn’t deserve to be there. I wasn’t as confidence as I am now. I got stabbed in the back by friends and I had a hard time to find new ones. I’m still the same. I don’t keep in touch with people I’ve been to later schools with. I’ve learned to be alone and I prefer not to share my so-called space with others. They say being alone is not good for your health but for me, it helps. I get tired of people around. I never know what to say and it feels forced to start conversations. I’m gonna be one of those cranky ladies who stalks their neighbours and complains about their behaviours to myself. Or maybe not. If I could, I would live somewhere in nature with an internet connection and things I like the best. I wouldn’t care if I didn’t meet a single person. That’s my portion of life. Being left alone and be the person I want to be without having to please other people’s expectations.

If I’m lucky I hope this wish for aloneness doesn’t affect my mental health. I’m never lonely which is one of the feelings that makes a person depressed. Sometimes it’s good to see other people but I don’t need to get connected with them. The only time I feel lonely is when I don’t have any entertainment with me. Music and movies make me happy. Without them, this life would be unbearable. Every one should find a way to live as happy as they can. If you need other people around you, then that should be enough to you. It’s your life and you decide what you want to do with it. Happiness doesn’t come from big things. It’s the small things that matter. You can learn a lot from kids and animals. Adults seem to forget how to look at life from a positive angle. If you see everything negative, you think that’s what life is about. There’s too much of that in the news. Life is beautiful and we shouldn’t forget what’s good about it.

 

 

 

Tallenna

Tallenna

Tallenna

Tallenna

Rearranging story lines

MiaLeave a comment
stack of books
Books I own

I’m not a book reader even though I’m an introvert. I wouldn’t want to write one either. But what I love writing about is fiction in an alternative universe. In other words RPF (real person fiction) I wrote a post about that before but this is for those who just joined in (sounds like a radio program there 😀 ) I’ve written a few about characters from movies. Well Lord of the rings and The Hobbit. I also have a blog about those so you can try to find them if you like. I prefer writing about real people. Actually it’s not about them, it’s just the names that are real and how they look like.

When I come up with a story, I think about it in my head. I usually write as I go along. Real author’s probably write their ideas down and changes their stories several times. I mainly write for pure entertainment. People seem to like to read them so it’s also for them. But it’s usually for my own pleasure. When I get an idea, I really write them and not just think about it. If I’m really pleased about it, I post it online. I have stories I haven’t even finished but I use some of the ideas I had there. Since I write as I go along, I can rearrange the story lines. For example at the moment I’m writing a story where I suddenly got an idea that I didn’t even consider when I started. The story is going to a total different direction. It can change rapidly. When inspiration struck, I can’t stop writing. Sometimes I even stay up all night because the ideas keep flooding in. I always read them through several times because there is always some spelling errors or I want to write them in a different way. When I’m satisfied, I post them online. I don’t get the reaction from readers the way I want to and sometimes it bugs me but I still post them despite that. I assume some don’t have that analysing look on things and I’m OK with that. Maybe they don’t understand what I’m trying to say. It can be anything but I don’t dwell on the matter for very long.

So where do I get inspiration from? Sorry I can’t tell you because then I have to kill you. Joking a side. I get ideas from everyday life, movies, music, actors but mostly about men I like at the time. I written about athletes but mostly actors since I have a thing for them. My first ever fan fiction was about an actor but I only wrote it for myself. I’ve read it later and I must say, I really have improved since then. That’s one of the reasons why I write in English. It sounds so much better and I learn the language at the same time. It also stimulates my brain cells and improves my imagination. I like making up plots and creating storylines. I’m not really good at describing in detail and I rather concentrate on the characters feelings. Maybe it’s not the best way to let a reader imagine how the atmosphere is like or what the characters are wearing but that’s why I’m not a book author. I write what I want to read because there’s so many different tastes. Some like reading details and someone prefer the story line. I can’t really know unless someone tells me. I want to know what the characters are doing and saying, not what they wear or the what the interior looks like. It might work in books but in fan fiction it should be faster. That’s the way I write and I like it. Great if someone thinks the same.

I also read other people’s fan fiction but most of them are about things I don’t really care about. I began to write my own because I didn’t find things I wanted to read. But reading others makes you find English words you don’t know what they mean. Sometimes it’s difficult to describe something in English. Sounds are difficult to put into words. I don’t even know them in my own language. I use Google a lot because of this. I’m really interested in human behaviour. Why do certain people act the way they do? Is there something in their childhood that made them they way they are? Why are these people so damaged, they act like they own the place? Questions like that are very helpful in writing and why not in real life. There are great fan fiction writers out there. I wish my English would improve so much I could use those words for my own advantages. Writing in any way is a great hobby so no need to rearrange things there.

Day 1: I write because…

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handwritten

Tallenna

Tallenna

I write because it’s fun. Writing is like breathing. Without breathing you can’t live. Writing is also good therapy. It’s also easier to express my thoughts. If I talk to someone I always think first what to say. When I write things I have time to think. In a conversation you might forget what you were suppose to say and when the situation is over, it’s too late. It happens too often. That’s also an introversion thing. It always feels weird when I have to start conversations. When I write, thing go the way I’ve planned it.

I couldn’t never make blogging a living. I’m not good enough to give advice. I’m the one who needs advice. It would be too difficult to think every day what to write. I write when I feel like it. I’m not good at keeping up a schedule when it comes to writing. I couldn’t be an author either even if I’ve always been good at writing fiction. Speaking of that. I love writing fan fiction. It’s also a great escape from reality. You need to live in another world for a while. Especially when bad things are happening in the real world.

When I was younger I had diaries. I didn’t write anything secret. Unless you mean crushes on pop stars. That’s nothing to be embarrassed about. If someone found my diaries and read them, I wouldn’t care. I’ve read them and it’s more of, what was I thinking, kind of things. But nothing I feel ashamed of. If I was famous, tabloids they would be very disappointed. There’s nothing there that would destroy my career. If I had one that is.

I started writing at 7 years but then it was only a few sentences. Like I said before in this post, writing is like breathing to me. The same with music and photography. I just can’t live without them. I have to get my thoughts out of my head and writing is better than keep it all inside. You don’t have to be a great writer to write. It doesn’t even have to be published anywhere. As longs as you write, that’s all that matters. That’s how I survive from depression. I feel down at times but I’m lucky I don’t suffer from it. I could never put myself in someone elses shoes but I can be there for the person who does have it bad.

These are the reasons why I write. If someone said I should stop writing, I should say, stop breathing. I’ll write until I can’t no more. It’s my life and you should do what you like with yours. Do what you love and don’t let other people spoil your mood.

This is daily inspiration and my 30 minutes is up.

Tallenna