Tag: writing

My very own mind palace

Mia3 Comments
mindpalace
Source: http://www.leadernetworks.com/tag/the-social-mind

A sanctuary doesn’t have to be a place that exists. It can also be in the mind. Sherlock has a mind palace but so do I. It’s not the same kind he has though. Mine is more like a place for my thoughts and feelings that I usually don’t show to other people. It’s an escape from reality. If I didn’t have a place where I can collect my thoughts, I would feel depressed and life in general would be much harder to handle. Some of those thoughts I write in this blog or in fan fiction. Besides writing is cheaper than going to therapy.

Sometimes I’m so deep in thought, nothing is disturbing my concentration. I can listen to music at the same time I’m in my mind palace. It’s only if there’s talking and can lose my focus. Even if I was in my thoughts I can still hear if someone wants my attention. That’s one of my strengths, observant. That’s something not a lot of people have. It can make people upset if I don’t answer them. But I actually do hear even if it doesn’t show.

If I didn’t use my mind as a sanctuary I would get mad. I need a place where I can live in my fantasy world. In that world everything goes as I want it to. If I could live in a different world than I would want to live in there. I think the reason why I sometimes get to my fantasy world is because the bad experiences I had since I was 6 years old. I think about things I wish I could experience and how thing could go. Sometimes I’m a different person in them. It’s not that I don’t like myself, it’s more about getting away for a while. A holiday from yourself, if you will.

I love writing fan fiction. People who read them don’t actually realise I put a lot of myself in them. I’m not much into writing things in detail. I write them in English so my vocabulary is limited. I’m not very good at describing a person in detail. Sometimes I struggle with it so I usually don’t bother with it so much. I mostly write about people who already exist so I feel it’s not very important. I rather concentrate on the plot. I’m not writing a novel after all. I write them because it’s fun and its good practise. When I read fan fiction I wrote years ago and compared them to what I write now, I’ve got better.
That’s where I use my mind palace. I think about a story in my mind and sometimes I close my eyes to imagine how things look. I have to get my thoughts out of my mind somehow. I get to that fantasy place when I feel life is being a pain but I also go there when life is bearable. I’ve always loved writing stories and been good at it. Reading a book is not the only way to develop your imagination. Other people read books, I read fan fiction.

So there you go. My sanctuary is my mind palace. It’s a place I go to whatever I’m feeling. It’s good for collecting thoughts but also a place where I go when I’ve lost something. I close my eyes where I go through my mind and try to remember where I saw the object last. Sometimes I find it and sometimes I don’t. In a way I do have a mind palace like Sherlock, except I don’t solve crimes. If you don’t have a special sanctuary, then try your mind. It’s free and you can take it anywhere.

Tallenna

What comes natural to you, comes unnatural to me

Mia2 Comments

summerlovinHave anyone said to you how easy it is to do things? How easy it is to become friends with strangers. Easy to learn a new language, play a new instrument etc. For some its second nature but what comes natural to you, comes unnatural to me.

I don’t know how I had friends when I was a child. When I tried to get a new friend as I got older, it felt unnatural. It only feels weird if I talk to people I’ve just met. I never seem to know what to say. I hate starting conversations because I feel its forced and I don’t do anything I don’t feel like doing. Talking about anything is waste of energy. I need a good reason to start a conversation and not because I need to talk to people. People seem to talk about things I really don’t care about. That’s one of the reasons I don’t have any friends. I haven’t found a single person who has the same interest as me. Not even online. I’m also not at the same level most are at my age. Even if I did have a job or somewhere to study, becoming friends with someone is an impossible task. I prefer being by myself because that’s what feels natural to me. Having other people around is good from time to time but me-time is more important. If people only would understand that being social is not about being talkative. I might be quiet but I’m not mute. Maybe I’m just a boring person so no one bothers to get to know me.

Other thing that feels unnatural to me, is marketing my skills. There are 3 questions I especially don’t know what to reply to. Telling about myself, what can I offer to a company and why should I be hired. I’ve tried to write down what I’m good at but I never get much written down. It’s much easier to write down weaknesses. Bragging is not natural in the Finnish culture. We tend to put our skills down instead of praising them. I’m good at many things but nothing I can do perfectly. I haven’t achieved anything I could put in my CV. Writing applications is a pain since I’m not sure if my skills are good enough. For some people it’s easy to know what they want and can do. For them its natural but not for me.

What does feel natural to me is writing fan fiction or blogging. It’s my way to express myself. I might not be the best but I’m good enough to have it as a hobby. I also know it feels natural to photograph. It’s the best when you don’t need to think about technical things and just click away. As soon as I start to think about shutter speed and aperture, it frustrates me. It’s then it doesn’t feel natural. I just can’t that technical stuff stuck in my brain no matter how much I try to practise.
My computer skills feels natural too but that’s because I’ve used it since the 90’s. I’m no computer nerd and I can’t fix it if it breaks. But when it comes to using programs and the internet, that comes naturally to me.

Tallenna

Tallenna