Month: January 2018

Agile but lazy

MiaLeave a comment
st petersburg traffic
Saint Petersburg traffic 2016

I really have difficulties starting things and when I do, I hardly finish them. I’m such a lazy person. I can be agile on some things. Like thinking. My mind is full of different thoughts. It might look like I’m not doing anything but my brain is working nonstop. That is typical for an introvert. I don’t know about others but the reason I keep things to myself in a conversation is that the person can’t keep up with me. When I talk to my dad and change the subject, he thinks I’m still talking about the same thing even if I’m not. I usually keep a pause between subjects so he doesn’t get confused. I think before I speak so I don’t need to say things straight away. My mouth is faster than the sound so I have to repeat myself to others. I rather not say anything at all because I can’t stand repeating myself.

I prefer writing to talking. If I write my thoughts down by hand, my handwriting is hard to read. Sometimes I can’t even read my own handwriting. Writing on the computer is much more fun which is the reason why I write some of my fanfiction straight on the computer. It also saves a lot of time. When ideas come flooding, there is no stopping. Most of the agile I have is in the mind. I wish I could think less and just take a chance.

It feels like I’m really far behind everyone else in my age group. I’ve thought about things too much instead of doing something. I’m a dreamer and not a doer. I also change my mind a lot. Others have probably changed careers a few times already and I haven’t even started mine. Even people younger than me have had more job experience than I have. It’s no wonder they get the jobs I’ve applied to. When I don’t have enough motivation to do things, I just give up. It’s both laziness and the fear of failure. I could blame others for the problems I have but in the end, it’s really my own attitude I should work on.

I hate doing things in a hurry. I want to take my time. If you do things in a hurry, the result won’t be very good. I missed and forgot things because I did them in a haste. I only get frustrated and nervous. I don’t know why life must be so agile. People want to do things right this minute. Slowness can be agitating, like slow internet connection which drives me crazy sometimes. But everything doesn’t need to be done in a hurry. The world doesn’t end if you don’t do things at certain times. You don’t need to have a 20-year plan. People should live their life the way they see fit. If they want to have a family before 25 let them have it. If people want to stay single rest of their life, it’s their choice. Life would be much easier if we all accepted different ways to live. If my slowness bothers other people, it’s not my concern. I get things done my way and on my own time.

Looking through the loophole

Mia3 Comments

whole in windowLooking through the loophole

I don’t know what to post

All I can be is your host

Looking through the loophole

Makes me lose my self-control

I want to do so much

But I don’t have that golden touch

Someone is always better

Some are even a trendsetter

Looking through the loophole

Brings a big hole in my soul

Sometimes you just need to accept things

We all can’t be queens and kings

All I can do is bring joy to some

So anyone who likes, welcome

Enough of study, get me a job

Mia6 Comments

study word crossedYou keep hearing and reading how important it is to study. Up to a point, it is but it doesn’t guarantee anything. In Finland, there’s a lot of different ways to study but in some occupations, there are too many educated people. Some people even have studied 3 different qualifications and still, it hasn’t helped to find a job. You study because you want a job. Education is too overrated. Where you learn best is in a job. There are things that aren’t learned in school. All the efforts of studying are wasted if you can’t find a job.

I’ve written about my former studies before in this blog. To make it short to those who are new here. I’ve studied screenplay writing, journalism,  photography, graphic design and web design. I’ve studied a lot because I haven’t found the occupation that I feel comfortable with. Call me picky but I have my standards. I’ve never been driven my money. I want to do a job I like and not because it pays well. Photography was the main thing, so being a pro was in my mind for a long time. But after I studied it in Helsinki Design School, I realised I didn’t want to do it after all. I wanted more than that. I don’t know what happened to the people who studied in the same course as me. In a way, it was a disappointing education. I think most of the students there haven’t got a job because they went to that school. It’s not as highly regarded as the school themselves think. Yes, you have these pros as teachers but finding a job has a lot to do with luck.

Luck hasn’t found me when it comes to job search. You would think a healthy and skilled person would have no problems finding a job but that’s not the case. You can study all your life to become something but there must be a limit somewhere. Honestly, I’m up to here with studying. I’m not so keen to study somewhere because I know it won’t help. The latest one was web design and I thought that would open some doors but it hasn’t happened yet. I also don’t want to go to these job search courses. I’ve already been to a few. Besides, there is a lot of tips online so I don’t need courses. The problem lays where to find a suitable job. They say you should apply for any job but I can’t do that. Everybody wants to have a job in the field they’ve studied. Some people can do any job but if you got allergies, for example, your options are limited. I don’t want to study something new again. I’ve already started from the beginning several times and rather not do it again. I’m getting too old for this shit (Lethal Weapon) is becoming real each year.