Tag: about me

Creative life

Mia1 Comment

creatingI’ve always been a creative person and to create is to live. There are different ways to be creative and it doesn’t have to be drawing. That has never been my favourite thing and I guess no one has really known me as someone who can draw very well. It’s kind of funny because both my parents could do it much better than I have. My creative talent is somewhere else.

Sometimes I doubt my abilities. I think maybe it’s only me who think I’m good at creating things. It doesn’t really matter what others think though. I’m still going to create because that keeps me focused and it helps me get through life. Creativity is like breathing and you can’t stop doing that. It’s also a good exercise for the brain.

Being creative can also be annoying. Especially when you post things online. You do a lot of work and still, no one appreciates your efforts. This happens a lot when I post my fan fictions online. I don’t do that for my own amusement. If I did, I would keep them to myself. I can understand if people don’t want to read them because it’s not about their favourite subjects. But those who does read fan fiction in general, you would think they at least would leave a comment or at least a like. I wish people would see my stories the way I do. I’m really proud of my work and it’s a shame I don’t get the same reaction some writers do. You never really know what people read online so those statistics doesn’t prove anything. Every story can’t be as popular as the others and I can live with that. The lack of reactions just irritates me sometimes and it takes out all the creativity in me.

Everyone should be allowed to do things they find most comfortable with. Those who criticise creative people are probably only jealous because they’re not. You can still create even if it’s just a hobby. Creations don’t have to be artistic. Creating can be cooking, baking or just something to do. If people knew how to use their creativity better, they wouldn’t need a smartphone to keep them entertained. There’s no such thing as bored. If you know how to create then you should have no problem to make up something to do. Technology has made people lazy and there’s no creativity in that. To create is to live and you don’t need gadgets for that. Unless you’re the one making creative apps and such. That’s another story altogether.

Tallenna

Tallenna

Brassy birthdays isn’t me

Mia2 Comments

happy birthday cakeYou’ll never get brassy from me. My birthdays are just normal days. I don’t want any special celebrations. Today I was eating out with dad and that’s as far as birthdays go. I like doing calm things and the older I get, the less fuss I want. I hate loud parties and I prefer being left out of any social gatherings. Luckily I don’t have any friends who can bother me with those. Presents don’t make birthdays either. At least not material things.

As it happens the French Open in tennis going on and my favourite player (Novak Djokovic) had his match today. The best present is seeing him win after a long match. No things will ever compare the happiness it brings. People who don’t watch sport, are missing a lot. Nothing is better than see athletes fighting for a win. Especially if the match or game has been intense. You need to experience it yourself before you can fully understand the feeling sport gives you.

My birthday is over soon and it’s time to get on with life. Birthdays are all the same. They last that one day and then it’s past it. After that it’s back to normal. As normal as life can get because recent happenings in the world isn’t that normal anymore. Everyone has a birthday every day somewhere in the world. That’s nothing to brag about. Birthdays are just one step closer to death. Some live longer than others and for some birthdays are a big deal. People can have a brassy birthday but that’s not me. I like being calm all year around. I find fun in other things. People can celebrate their birthdays the way they want. Have a big party with all you 100 friends or celebrate it with your family. Whatever you do, have a very happy birthday, if you already had it or will in the near future. I’m already one year older than yesterday but doesn’t mean I should feel old. It’s the inside that really counts.

 

 

Tallenna

Tallenna

Tallenna

Tallenna

Tallenna

My life is a maze

Mia2 Comments

black and white stairs

Some people know exactly what they want and they do anything to reach their goal. But my life has always been a maze. I never knew what I wanted to do for a living. I had ideas but they disappeared and my interest changed. I’ve gone through life as a person who doesn’t really know what they want. I’ve never had the courage to take the bull by its horns. I was also afraid to get stuck with one occupation for the rest of my life. When you’re young, you think your choices will be permanent but that’s not the case. It’s never too late to start something new. I wish I thought about it when I was a teenager. I should have been more active and taken more chances. I was too stubborn and now I have to pay the price.

You can’t change the past and you have to accept the way things are. All you can do is look forward. Sometimes it feels like I’m the only one on earth who has more education than work experience. People in 30 something, has come much further in life than I have. My life is a maze and I don’t compare myself to others. I have to play with the cards I have. I’m too modest and don’t trust my skills. I need someone to convince me, I’m good enough. There’s always someone better than you but that shouldn’t stop you from getting better. I should really practise what I preach. It’s easy to say things than doing them. I want to do something creative but I wouldn’t call myself a designer. That word doesn’t sound like me. It’s a maze to know what a designer mean. We all have different opinions on the matter. One thing that I do know is, I don’t want to be a student again. I want a job where I can learn. I know the basics and it’s time to put them to good use. Employers don’t look at your education, they look at your work experience. At the moment my resume looks empty in that area.

It’s only one week left of my web design education. The hardest part is the vocational skills demonstration we must have on Wednesday in front of the evaluators. We’re presenting our portfolio and client work. What I hate the most is keeping a presentation. We practised it and it didn’t go very well. I’m worried I say something wrong or don’t know how to answer. No matter how I prepare, things go the wrong way. If I fail the test, I won’t get the further vocational qualification certificate. I can do the test again but then I have to pay the full amount myself and it isn’t cheap. Luckily I can still be a web designer if I don’t get it but a certificate could help a bit. I still don’t know if I get a job if I had it or not. There are a few jobs I could apply to but they require skills I don’t have. I can still do it but my chances are thin and they probably gonna find someone with more experience and with better skills. The jobs are more of graphic design but web design is in it too. They’re in another city too so that can be a problem.

The employers are not exactly queuing behind me. I could try it alone but there’s so much to do before it pays off. I hardly get any responses in social media when I post there so how can I get myself out there. Being self-employed you need to be someone who works hard and doesn’t give up. You have to do every job alone and think about how much to charge. Then all the different taxes you need to think about. My father has an own business so I’ve seen how it works and it isn’t easy. I just don’t have that guts in me. I know I should get out of my comfort zone but the uncertainty of going alone is too high. Thinking is easy but to take that first step, that’s the hardest part. If I can’t find a job in someone else’s company, then maybe starting something on my own is a better option. That’s better than being unemployed and having to handle with the job centre. Earning your own money is more satisfying than living on welfare. I don’t want to be rich, I only want to have enough to get by. But mostly I want to get out of this maze. I’ve circled around it and searched for the entrance for years. It would be time for getting out of the circle.

 

Tallenna

Tallenna

Tallenna

Tallenna

Tallenna

Tallenna

Tallenna