The past changes the future

January 6, 2021 Mia4 Comments

Sometimes it’s better to be straight than being dishonest. It might hurt, but it’s better than be walked over. I wish I would have been braver when I was younger. There were certain people I wished I could have told where to get off. Like that guy in one school where I went to who asked me if I had been in a horror movie. I could have asked him the same. He wasn’t that special either. He was an idiot, and he wasn’t the only one. But that’s the past, and I have met better people than him after that.

It’s kind of funny now when my former schoolmates in primary school didn’t give a damn about me. In the gym, I was always picked up last even if I was good at it. Unlike that “bully” who was bad at it. She was probably jealous. Hard cheese. She probably never even had spots. I have never met them after I changed class in 7th grade. I was glad I got rid of them. I don’t care how they are doing in life. It’s no concern of mine. The class I was at from 1st grade to 4th was much better. If I wasn’t forced to stay at 4th grade for another year, then I probably wouldn’t have needed to go through this ‘bullying’ stage. In the 1st class, you had more than one friend. If one friend was ill, you always had another friend to be with. The atmosphere was very good there. Next time I had that feeling was when I studied media playwriting in 2002-2003.

In a way, past experiences have put me off friendships and even relationships. I don’t like that kind of drama people cause. I have met a lot of different people, but I don’t call them friends. They are more like acquaintances. Or people only walking by and then move on. I don’t believe being alone is bad for you. For me, it suits me very well. I don’t need a lot of people around, and I’ve never had. I can’t understand how someone can have more than 5 friends. It would be too exhausting for my taste. I’m not that depended on other people. When I was a kid, a girl had only one friend, but boys had more than one. Heaven forbid if you wanted to tag along with those other two girls, they looked at you like you were an alien. You knew by their look that you weren’t wanted. At least that’s what I have experienced.

The past shapes your future. For the better or for, the worse. If I hadn’t experienced what I have during my life, things would probably be different. You can’t change the past, but you can make your future better. If you can’t let your past go, you can’t move on because that’s what life should be, moving on. It’s really about your attitude towards the things you have experienced. You can either dwell on how you should have handled the situation or become stronger and stop caring what other’s might think of you. It’s your life and you can do anything you feel without having to ask for permission about how to be. The best revenge is not caring and moving on by doing what’s good for you.

Odor of conspiracy or just bad luck

July 30, 2019 MiaLeave a comment

Sometimes I’m a bit paranoid when it comes to certain things. If it’s about posting on social media, finding a job or making friends. On social media, it feels like my posts have no meaning to other people. In job search when I have an interview, it’s like they already chose not to give me a chance as soon as they see me. Then when I’m in some education no one seems to want to get to know me. They might talk to me but when the school is over they don’t even want to keep in touch. I keep telling myself it’s OK because there will be other people. Still, there’s an odor of conspiracy towards me. Or maybe it’s just bad luck. I’m not the one who wants to intrude in other people’s affairs. Maybe they didn’t like me but they didn’t really bother to get to know me either. It’s fine with me. They lived in another city anyway. People come and go. If it’s meant to be, it was meant to be. I’ve learned not to stress about having friends around. I’m not very good at keeping in touch with other people anyway.

What I’ve most doubt is becoming an entrepreneur. A lot of marketing happens online and social media. I can’t even get people to interact with me on my personal accounts. Internet is a big place and it takes time to get noticed. Unless you’re like everyone else. E.g. taking selfies and posting edited photos on Instagram. I don’t want to sell my soul to that marketing business. Or whatever it’s called. I can’t start anything just like that. I need to think long and hard before starting anything. I’ve already done that at least 2 years. I’ve searched for a job in the open market but no success there. That’s a conspiracy on its own to any job seeker out there. It seems a lot of people want to become entrepreneurs in graphic design or any other creative business. Even in Helsinki Design School where I studied graphic design. I was a bit embarrassed because they were so much better than me and extroverted. How am I supposed to compete with them? That shouldn’t stop me though. For a while, I was about to change my mind about having my own business. The way things are going, entrepreneurship is tempting again. It’s just that doubt in my mind that stops me from starting.

I’m sure a lot of people feels others are against them once in a while. It comes in thought, is there something wrong with me. Am I not good enough? Here what the odor of conspiracy comes in. You think the whole world is against you but in fact, it’s all in your mind. It’s just bad luck if things turn the way they do. Not all things have explanations. Things just are the way they are. You can do things perfectly but still, something goes wrong. You can’t know in advance who you’re gonna meet or how things turn out. That’s what life is about. You never know what’s around the corner. It shouldn’t be the odor of conspiracy. It should be the odor of success. Whatever it is to you.

I’m not a shoe

July 3, 2019 Mia4 Comments

The society expects you to achieve certain things at a certain age. You should have kids at 25, a career and so on. But what if you don’t want to have any of those things. Are you a bad person if you don’t? Maybe in some cultures, it is and your relatives do anything to find you a partner. All women should have the right to choose what kind of life they want to live. I’m not a shoe and I don’t want to be one either. If you want to be a shoe, it’s your choice. Some of us want to fight against that. Unfortunately, not everyone is lucky to be born in a country where women have a choice.

I’ve always been someone who wants to be different. Even though at 17 I thought about getting married and have kids before 25 but I lived in a fantasy land then. Now I’m glad I didn’t choose that life for different reasons. Many people study to a occupation and stick to it for the rest of their lives without studying anything else after that. I have had the right to study new things. It does have its downsides but that’s better than be stuck in a rut. You see people complaining about their job without realising there are people who don’t have a job. They should appreciate they have a place where they can go and earn money. Changing your career path is not too late. You don’t have to stay at a job you don’t like. Don’t be that shoe everyone expects you to be. You shouldn’t waste your life on something that you’re not passionate about. You wouldn’t want to wear a shoe that doesn’t fit all your life, would you? If it’s doesn’t fit, get a new one. It’s the same with career choices. If you don’t like your job, educate yourself to something else. Even people with a family have changed careers. Of course, it’s easier when you don’t have one but it’s not impossible either.

Happiness doesn’t mean the same to everyone. For some, it’s having that family with kids. For me, it’s having the freedom to do what I want. I can stay up as late as I want. I don’t need to ask permission from another person to go to places. I can also have crushes without having to hurt someone else’s feelings. It’s much more tempting to be alone than all the drama that people cause. I will never understand the urge people have is to find someone. What’s so bad of being alone anyway? Maybe it’s a thing in the American culture that has spread across the world. You see a lot of these finding the right person in American movies and television shows. If you’ve watched Friends, Chandler Bing says in an episode, “What if I’ll never find someone?” or “What if I die alone?” I would say, what’s the big deal? Be happy you’re single and stop whining, I think when I see it. Some of us aren’t meant to find anyone because we can be happy without relationships. If someone’s purpose in life is to get married and have kids, then so be it but don’t expect everyone else to do the same. Maybe I would change my tune if I found someone worth my time but that will never happen (they are probably taken already anyway) Nah, I don’t need a man to make me feel complete. I do much better on my own. I’m not a shoe because I can also be a purse or a hat like Rachel Green says in an episode of Friends. I can be anything I want and I don’t need anyone’s approval. So be anything you want because you have the right to do so. Everyone doesn’t need to follow the same script of life and other people should respect that.