I must be chasing after rainbows

loyal graphics
Blog title from ‘The seventh stranger’ by Duran Duran

I must be crazy believing there would be some loyalty left in the world. I for one is loyal so I could almost have a tattoo. I won’t get one because I hate needles. I usually don’t like talking about politics and I won’t now either. But this is something that I feel strongly about. Maybe a lot of you don’t know but in Finland, we have well-fare for unemployed. It’s supposed to be temporary but some people exploit and they don’t even bother looking for work. I call them lazy unemployed. They give other job searchers a bad name. Most of us do want to work. These people who don’t want to work are proud to be without a job. They come out in the media and says how lazy they are. If I were them, I would keep it too myself. I guess they want fame. I wonder what kind of upbringing they have. My parents, especially my mother was very couraging and sometimes even too much for my liking. But work has always been very important. Living on well-fare all your life should not be something to be proud of. I feel really sorry for these young people who don’t seem to even bother looking for work even if they could. But getting free money seems to be alright. Any job experience is good. If someone only takes a job because of the money, they never get anything. I can’t understand how someone wants to be out of work voluntarily. You should at least have some kind of education. I would have been bored out of my mind if I didn’t study at least. Working is not only about money. There’s so much more to it.

As for my own job search. So far I haven’t found anything. There’s this app/software tester job but one of the requirements is having a mobile device which I don’t have. I have only a tablet and it irritates me frequently. It’s also a freelance job but isn’t really a problem though. It’s easy to apply for the job but still, it’s unsure if you get picked. All you need is to create an account and then answer a Google form. You get to choose what you want to test and anytime you want. If you find a bug, you get paid extra. More bugs you find, more you get paid. It is tempting. It’s just the device thing that is a thinker. Besides the tablet, I have the computer. The more devices you have, the better you get things to test. It wouldn’t really matter if I only get pocket money. It still doesn’t replace a full-time job.

Maybe I’m chasing rainbows here but I think as a female in design, I can get a job. You can read about how hard it is for a woman to work in a male-dominated job. But I don’t see it that way. I think what men can do, women can do it too. It’s about the attitude and how loyal you are. I won’t let age get in the way. No horny old man (like that what’s his name again director) will harass me either. They probably think I’m a man anyway. If I can’t find a job in someone else’s business, then maybe I should start something on my own. The problem is my marketing myself thing and also do I still remember what I studied. Last time I designed something was in school. That stopped months ago. All I know right now is, I don’t want to be out of work. If I’m not loyal to myself and what I want to do, no one will.

Going around a circle

circles
Made with Canva. Text made with Illustrator CC.

Stuck in a rut. Going nowhere. Stand still. Going around in circles. You name it. My life is a circle. Nothing really exciting happens and when it does, it always ends. It’s not like I want to have excitement in my life. But it would be nice to have something. Especially earning my own money. I haven’t found a job and it’s already October (tomorrow) I sleep late and when I wake up, half the day is gone. I do work better in the evening but then I’m lazy and rather watch something online instead. It’s useless to wake up early in the morning when I don’t have a reason to. I also go to bed late. Sometimes I’m still up at 4 am. I sleep really well but it’s going to bed early which is the problem.

Thinking about what I did this year, I had a few highlights. I graduated to be a web designer, went to my first ever live concert (Robbie Williams) and holiday in Stockholm. But that’s as far as excitement goes. After that, I’ve been back in the same circle again. It seems I can’t get anything started. Job search is a pain. There’s nothing in my city that I could even consider applying for. I don’t want to move to another city. I’m such a coward to start something on my own. I dislike the whole job search process. All the applications, cover letter, resume etc. Not forgetting the possible interview you might get. Trying to impress the employer is not easy. It would be better to have a client you work for where your skills that matter the most. I’m very indecisive about what I want to do right now job wise and it seems I can’t decide until next year. I just hope I won’t forget what I learned in the web design education. Of course, there are still months to go so you never know what could happen.

I found a way out of the circle when I began to study but now I don’t want to anymore. I don’t want to study all my life in a school. It’s frustrating to study all these things and not getting anywhere. I haven’t awestruck anyone with my skills. At least not careerwise. I’ll never be lucky enough to be “discovered” and experience amazing things. All I really want is to get away from this circle I live in, at least for a while. I don’t need much to be happy. As long as I have my health, a roof over my head and enough money to get by.

Tallenna

Tallenna

Tallenna

Tallenna

Tallenna

Tallenna

Tallenna

Tallenna