Learning as in educate

scrabble

It feels like I’m the most educated person at my age in the world. Educate yourself they say and it will open doors for you in the working world. That’s a lot of nonsense. It might work for some but not for me. Sometimes it’s frustrating to have all these educations and not get anywhere. Maybe I’ve been too passive when it comes to job search. But I have standards and maybe too picky. I think it’s a waste of time sending applications to a lot of companies. I rather find a job where I have a better chance. I can’t do any job either. Like a cleaner because of the strong detergents. It has taken me years to find out what I really want to do. When I finally have, I can’t find a job in that field.

My resume is full of educations and only internships. It’s a bit of an embarrassment, to be honest. Employers look at job experiences but mine is a joke. When I was a teenager, summer jobs didn’t interest me. I rather have a holiday than work somewhere. I should have listened to my mother but I was too inefficient. Now I have to pay the price. If there’s something in my life that I regret, it’s that one. I helped dad in his company but that was just pocket money so you can’t really count that as a work experience. It would be easier to be self-employed so you wouldn’t have to go through the job search process. But being a freelancer also has its disadvantages. All I know is, I don’t want to be out of work the rest of my life.

If someone dared to suggest I should go to school again, I would give that person the evil eye. I’m up to my ears with educations. I want to put my learning into action. I need a real job and not another education. I always knew what kind of job I want to do but I have never known what profession. When I chose what I wanted to study, they’ve always been creative. I thought I would get paid for being creative but so far none. I can’t really call myself anything. I have both basic examination in graphic design and vocational examination in web design, plus a degree in photography. I have learned all the basics in school so I don’t need to educate in any school. But the problem with having a creative job is that there’s always someone better than you. There’s no use of a certificate if you’re not good enough to get paid.

You can learn new things without having to go to school. There are different ways to educate yourself. I learn easier in practice than reading from a book. That’s one of the reasons why I never went to high school. That’s only voluntary in Finland. In school, you only get the basics. It’s in real life you learn the best. Through experience, you get better and that’s the best education you can ever get.

Unfurl the white flag

unfurl flowerNever give up, they say. But I’m about to unfurl the white flag. Before someone starts to worry, I don’t mean life. Things are not that bad. I have things to live for. When it comes to finding something to fill life with, that’s where my patience is failing. Life can’t be only about eating, sleeping and sit in front of the computer. It’s been summer and I’ve just had a lot of free time on my hands. But I have deserved a break after all that studying I did. The older you get, the more exhausting studying is. Even a short holiday is good for you. I went with my dad to Stockholm last weekend. It was rainy days with some sunshine. I slipped on stairs to a bathroom and hurt my right arm but luckily it’s back to normal. That was enough of excitement for the whole year. It scared the hell out of me when I got hurt. Abroad and a broken arm, no fun. I was so relieved nothing serious happened. I couldn’t bend the arm for a day or two. Being right-handed it would have been a disaster if it had been longer. After an experience like that, you need another break but summer is over soon.

I should get something to do in the Autumn. Soon I’ll forget what I’ve learned in web design. That’s what the white flag is for. I’m lost of hope of finding a job in the open market. They always require skills I don’t have. I could be an intern in some company but I’ve only had those and not a job that pays. When I search for the keyword “Web Designer” online, I get “Web Developer” It’s not really the same thing. I haven’t developed anything. At the moment ‘Web Designer’ is only a title. Maybe I’m modest but I don’t feel like one. Actually, I don’t feel like I’m anything. Last time I designed a website was in school. But I did that for free and it was easier to find a client. Now I’m in the real world and I have to do real work. I don’t know what I’m afraid of if I become self-employed. There’s the money issue and the other is networking. I’m not very good at valuing how much something costs either. Everything seems so complicated. If would be easier to work for someone else. But if there’s no job out there, maybe I just have to do it the hard way.

Tallenna

Tallenna

Tallenna

Tallenna

More than meets the eye

look of lovePeople always judge you when they meet a person they see for the first time. But looks can deceive you. If someone wears piercing in their face and black clothes, it doesn’t mean they are evil people. In job interviews, the employer judges you. Your resume can look perfect but if it lacks something they’ve looked for, then they underestimate you and think you can’t do the job. No one is perfect and you can learn new things no matter what age you are. You should never underestimate people you don’t know. Even if you do know them, there’s more than meets the eye.

Ageism is a problem in the job search. If you’re in a certain age, the employer thinks you can’t do a job because your knowledge might be out of date. You would think employers don’t know that older people also keep up with the times. It seems that people in already in their 40’s are too old for employers. You should be 20 and have job experience of 30 years. You read stories from people who’s 50 and over about how they’ve got an interview but haven’t got the job because of their age. Employers want younger people who they can fool. Experience has nothing to do with getting a job. They want to hire people they don’t have to pay too much for. Unfortunately, it’s the older employees who have to suffer from their greed.

One of my fears is getting stuck in the same routines and now it seems it’s happening. If my mother was still alive, she would try to push me on trying to find some kind of job. Now I don’t have anyone who could give me encouragement. My father has worries of his own. My mother was the one who was most worried about me. She understood about job search since she was also between jobs from time to time. She also wondered why I never found jobs. The job centre has never helped me get one. They’ve only offered me internships or courses to take. Looking through the job ads and such, I’m almost giving up hope. There’s nothing for me there that I’m qualified for. It takes all the excitement of job search when you can’t find anything you could apply for. All these LinkedIn and other social media are useless. The same with these pieces of advice how to get a job that you can find online. It doesn’t help me at all. They say job search is like dating but I’m unlucky in that too so that rules that out.

I hate to say this but the reason no one wants to hire me is because I’m an introvert. I give bad first impressions and therefore people think I’m anti-social. I try to be more open but it seems it’s not good enough. Other people have no patience to get to know me. I’m more than meets the eye. If others would bother to get to know me and not just give up before I show them the real me. I can be social and a lot of fun. It just takes a time to know me. You would think a trustworthy person would be likeable but you need to be a blabbermouth to get somewhere in life it seems. I’m tired of people noticing I’m quiet. Does it say it on my forehead? They should really think before speaking because when I start talking about a subject I know something about, they wish I could be silent. I’m actually really considering to become self-employed. I’m bored with people judging me by the way I act the first time I meet a new person. If I really got a job interview, I wouldn’t get the job since my replies would be really short. I want a job where my skills are the main thing and not how social I should me. I wish I could work for someone else to gain more experience but if that isn’t meant to be, I need to learn to become better by myself.

Substandard

Tallenna