Tag: Life

A balance between dreams and reality

MiaLeave a comment
big and small box balanced
Made in Canva

It’s been said to me my wishes are too unrealistic. Especially when I was younger and I didn’t know what I wanted to be. Maybe they are but I’ve always been a dreamer. It’s a balance between dreams and reality. I dream too much and get very disappointed when the reality hits. That’s one of the reasons why I stopped dreaming about big things. But being a dreamer has good sides too. I have a very good imagination which helps when you write fan fiction. I’ve always been good at making up stories. Writing in general. I prefer that to talking. Yesterday I read an old statement that the unemployment agency had made about me when I was younger. It said I was not being social enough at a workplace. I actually had a good laugh about other stuff they wrote. They probably thought I wasn’t fit for work because I didn’t have a qualification at the time. Thinking about it now years later they were so wrong about me. All those psychology tests I went through didn’t show the whole truth. They tried to fix me when I wasn’t even broken. Everyone has issues so I was no exception. Today I don’t even care what others think of me.

Sometimes I want to live in my little dream world but other times I want to be in this reality. If you begin to live in your dreams, you can begin to think the reality will be the same. That’s how stalking begins. Especially when you’re a teenager. Some might think they’re gonna marry their celebrity crushes but in reality, they will never meet them. If they did, nothing would happen. They wouldn’t fall head over heels over them as soon as they met their fan. In dreams it could happen but not in real life. You need to have your feet firmly on the ground and face the facts. You read about stalkers in real life where they follow their former partner and think they would take them back. When it comes to another person you can’t control them to feel the same about you. Life is not a finished script that everyone follows. Reality is more complicated than that.

Life would be perfect if things went as planned. You don’t always get what you want and you just need to move on. We get born, we get good things, we suffer and then we die. That’s life in short. A balance between dreams and reality. I only wish my efforts would pay off once in a while but they don’t. People shouldn’t wonder why my inner life is more active than the outside world. I live in my head for two reasons and those are, I’m an introvert and the other is, too disappointments in other people. I don’t want to use my energy to things that aren’t important to me. It’s a waste of time to spend time with people who have no interest in me whatsoever. Like a Pin on Pinterest said, I’m not antisocial, I’m selectively social. Reality has hit me so many times, dreams have become an escape. I’ve had bad times but I’m still here. Things could have gone the other way around but I still have my sanity. It’s because of my inner life and balancing dreams with reality. Besides, there must be someone with a clear head in this insane world. Everyone can’t be like a headless chicken with no common sense. People should be thankful for that.

 

A quest for answers

Mia3 Comments
quest in scrabble letters
Make in Canva

My life has always been a quest for answers when it comes to what I want to do for a living. That’s probably one of the reasons why I haven’t find anything else that most people have. When others are getting married and having kids, I’m thinking about what I want to do with my life. Even people much younger than me have a goal. But I’m not jealous. I’m selfish in a way that I live for myself and I don’t have to financially support anyone else. I like the freedom I have and I hope it won’t change. Past experiences have taught me not to get attached to other people. It might sound sad to some people but I don’t see it that way. Besides, I hate trying to impress people. I’m too old for that. If people can’t accept for the person I am, then it’s really their problem. I change for no one.

Having different educations won’t get you a job. A great looking resume is worthless if there is no content. In this case, job experiences. You would think employers would appreciate that you at least did something but no only a real job with real pay is acceptable. I’ve had this thought in my head some days ago, ‘I’m not good enough for working life and too lazy for entrepreneurship’. The last one is probably true because I would have started it already. Some say you should apply for a job outside your own field but why study something for years and apply for something else anyway. I see no point in that. I will rather be without a job than be in a job I don’t like. I’ve been in those internship places and it wasn’t a nice feeling at all. I can’t even do all jobs and you probably have to have experience for them too. It’s so easy to tell another person to find a job or study to an occupation you’re not interested in. Life is too short to be doing things you hate doing. Job search is a business these days and you can’t just walk right in. Besides, some companies are cheapskates (or they don’t have enough money to hire) and they have no idea what the rejected feels like.

I studied a lot so it feels like I’m collecting diplomas. I studied because that was the only way I could feel I was doing something. I also like learning new things. I was confused about what interested me the most because I changed my mind a lot. Nothing felt like me. Once I wanted to be a screenplay writer and the next a journalist. None of them felt right. Even now when I’ve focused on design, it still feels like I’m not for that either. I should really feel more confident because if you don’t believe in yourself, who will? When I studied photography in this same school as I am now, Helsinki Design School, I wanted more than that. So I studied web design. Then I thought, I wanted something more so it became graphic design. I wanted to combine those three because they’re so close together. Even though I haven’t found a job, I don’t think I studied in vain. I studied because I wanted to. I experienced something I wouldn’t have otherwise. In photography, I’ve never been in a photo studio. Except when I was a child and we had a photo taken by a pro. But as a photographer, it was a new experience. You should always find something positive even if the education you have/had hasn’t been what you expected.

A last note about the post I wrote the day before yesterday. I sent the application to the internship position yesterday. This is what I wrote in the, why I’m good for the position.

I’m studying graphic design at the moment and an internship would be a great opportunity for me to learn new things. I have the skills that the position requires and I’m always keen to get better at it. I want to join an international team with the same passion for design as myself. I get along very well with people from different walks of life. I’m trustworthy and I finish tasks I’m given on time.

In the end, it doesn’t really matter if I get it or not. They probably gonna choose someone younger anyway. Since there is no pay, it isn’t really a big deal. But we’ll see. I don’t really even know if it was a job application or a registration. It might take a while before I get a reply from them or if there won’t be any in the first place. If it isn’t meant to be, then it isn’t.

Living on my own

Mia4 Comments
pawns
Made in Canva

A lot of people complain about their relationship status. They’re trying to find The One. Finding that partner to make them feel alive. Some of them are afraid to die alone. What’s so bad about that anyway? You probably gonna do that anyway. No one knows how they’re gonna die. So that’s not really a good reason. Maybe some need someone in their life but I don’t. I like living on my own. I’m like Peter Pan who don’t want to do adult stuff like dating. Who would even want to date me? I never even liked anyone enough to date them. Only men who I can’t have. Relationships have too much drama. I’ve got other things to do and think about. Unless someone like Tom Hiddleston comes along (Which he isn’t) Then I could consider dating.

I don’t find anything good about being in a relationship. Men probably want someone who can substitute their mother. I don’t know what’s so wrong about being single. You read about these celebrities having a new relationship as soon as the old is over. Where do they find a new one that fast? Is there a store where you can find them? Then they only date other celebs. What’s that about? Being an ordinary person is not good enough for them? When I see celebs actually being married or dating a so-call normal person, I salute them. But they probably met through a friend or working behind the scenes in something. I don’t mean I would want to date a celebrity. In some cases, I hate the word ‘celebrity’ because they’re more than that to me.  A shame no one of these people is ordinary that you can meet in your local store.

Living on your own is so much better. You can stay up as late as you like without having to hear, “Close that television and go to sleep, will you?” You can clean your flat when you feel like it. You only need to wash your own clothes. You don’t have to take care of anyone else but yourself. You can watch anything on television without having to argue about it. You can meet your friends when it best suits you. Just to mention a few. Not everyone wants to have other people around all the time. If you want company you can go outside and see other people.

If you want an ordinary life with a husband and 1,5 kids then it’s your choice. But don’t go around telling others they should too because it’s so ‘wonderful’ There are people who don’t want that kind of life. Relatives are the worse in this case. They expect you to be like everyone else. Everything that goes on in your life, is no concern of theirs. You should be allowed to keep things to yourself. I don’t go and tell people how to live their life so I expect them to do the same. What I dislike the most is people telling me what to do. Forcing others to do things they don’t want to won’t help anyone. It just makes people agitated and conflict will arise. You need to accept differences and let people be (or do) what suits them the best.