A quest for answers

quest in scrabble letters
Make in Canva

My life has always been a quest for answers when it comes to what I want to do for a living. That’s probably one of the reasons why I haven’t find anything else that most people have. When others are getting married and having kids, I’m thinking about what I want to do with my life. Even people much younger than me have a goal. But I’m not jealous. I’m selfish in a way that I live for myself and I don’t have to financially support anyone else. I like the freedom I have and I hope it won’t change. Past experiences have taught me not to get attached to other people. It might sound sad to some people but I don’t see it that way. Besides, I hate trying to impress people. I’m too old for that. If people can’t accept for the person I am, then it’s really their problem. I change for no one.

Having different educations won’t get you a job. A great looking resume is worthless if there is no content. In this case, job experiences. You would think employers would appreciate that you at least did something but no only a real job with real pay is acceptable. I’ve had this thought in my head some days ago, ‘I’m not good enough for working life and too lazy for entrepreneurship’. The last one is probably true because I would have started it already. Some say you should apply for a job outside your own field but why study something for years and apply for something else anyway. I see no point in that. I will rather be without a job than be in a job I don’t like. I’ve been in those internship places and it wasn’t a nice feeling at all. I can’t even do all jobs and you probably have to have experience for them too. It’s so easy to tell another person to find a job or study to an occupation you’re not interested in. Life is too short to be doing things you hate doing. Job search is a business these days and you can’t just walk right in. Besides, some companies are cheapskates (or they don’t have enough money to hire) and they have no idea what the rejected feels like.

I studied a lot so it feels like I’m collecting diplomas. I studied because that was the only way I could feel I was doing something. I also like learning new things. I was confused about what interested me the most because I changed my mind a lot. Nothing felt like me. Once I wanted to be a screenplay writer and the next a journalist. None of them felt right. Even now when I’ve focused on design, it still feels like I’m not for that either. I should really feel more confident because if you don’t believe in yourself, who will? When I studied photography in this same school as I am now, Helsinki Design School, I wanted more than that. So I studied web design. Then I thought, I wanted something more so it became graphic design. I wanted to combine those three because they’re so close together. Even though I haven’t found a job, I don’t think I studied in vain. I studied because I wanted to. I experienced something I wouldn’t have otherwise. In photography, I’ve never been in a photo studio. Except when I was a child and we had a photo taken by a pro. But as a photographer, it was a new experience. You should always find something positive even if the education you have/had hasn’t been what you expected.

A last note about the post I wrote the day before yesterday. I sent the application to the internship position yesterday. This is what I wrote in the, why I’m good for the position.

I’m studying graphic design at the moment and an internship would be a great opportunity for me to learn new things. I have the skills that the position requires and I’m always keen to get better at it. I want to join an international team with the same passion for design as myself. I get along very well with people from different walks of life. I’m trustworthy and I finish tasks I’m given on time.

In the end, it doesn’t really matter if I get it or not. They probably gonna choose someone younger anyway. Since there is no pay, it isn’t really a big deal. But we’ll see. I don’t really even know if it was a job application or a registration. It might take a while before I get a reply from them or if there won’t be any in the first place. If it isn’t meant to be, then it isn’t.

3 thoughts on “A quest for answers

  1. I never really had a plan for my life, either. Now, at almost 50, my goal is to have my manuscript published. I’ve been actively working on it last year, pitching to numerous publishers. But throughout my teens and twenties, I was a bit rudderless, or maybe like a ping-pong ball, bouncing from one stupid idea to the next. Good luck with the internship!

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