Why do I even bother?

sheldon cooper gif
Source: https://are-you-for-serial.tumblr.com/post/123562914844/can-i-get-some-of-those-united-nations-headphones

Got another rejection in the job search. “We have looked at your application but you’re not the one we’re looking for” Not exactly those words but close. I don’t know why I bother applying for jobs. Why should I strain myself with writing applications? It doesn’t matter what I write, I still get nothing. I can’t understand how people waste their time writing hundreds of applications. It’s a waste of time and energy. No wonder people get depressed. Being rejected by anyone is not nice. I rather use my time doing other things than writing applications that only makes my head spin. I don’t even think I study new things to get a job anymore. I study for my own amusement because what else can I do. Job search is like dating. People say “you’ll find someone too” which is the same “you’ll find a job too” I wouldn’t hold my breath I would say to both.

It seems I won’t get a job as a web designer and I won’t get a job in graphic design. Open positions don’t show up every day in that field. I wonder how someone gets hired who have no common sense. Or people who can’t park their cars, bike, electric kick scooters or any other vehicle in the right place or between the lines in a parking lot. Or they can’t close the gate or door behind them. It’s usually people who are incapable of doing daily things by themselves. Maybe they’re just good at lying in job interviews or any other skill to get hired. You either need to be very lucky or be a fake person to get a job. At least in this country. Especially if you’re an introvert with no job experience in your field, you’re officially in the rejection pile. And you have gaps in your work experience. If I was mentally weak, I would too have difficulties to cope with my joblessness. Getting another rejection letter (email in this case) just bounces off my shoulders. I knew I wouldn’t get chosen for the next step anyway so I’m not that surprised. They were probably looking for someone in their 20’s who have just graduated from school. Not someone who’s over 40 who just have graduated from an education. Just as well. I rather move on. I wouldn’t have been up to the job anyway.

I don’t fit in any company. I have the personality of a toilet brush, for starters. Joke aside. I’m a loner who’s not very good company when it comes to being social with a co-worker. That’s what employers are looking for mostly. A person who socialise but at the same time have skills of a superhuman. Who’s living in a dream world, huh? People with jobs have no real idea of how it is to be unemployed. Unless they’ve been one themselves. These days you can’t just go to a company and you get hired right there and then. That’s not how it works. Before judging the unemployed, people should look at the bigger picture. Telling someone to get a job doesn’t help at all. It’s so easy to blame the unemployed when there is much else to it. I have no personal experiences of negative comments but I’ve read a lot of those on the Internet. I feel really annoyed for them who has to hear it constantly. Some people can’t even do any job. They have allergies or other physical problems. Like people with jobs, all unemployed are different.

If people want to write job applications for any job, then so be it. But I only apply for a job I’ve studied. Call me picky but I call it having standards. I see no point using my energy to search for a job I know I’m not qualified for. The quality is more important than quantity when it comes to job search. You only get stressed if you’re forced to look for any job. Job search is unfair. People with connections have a better chance to get a job than someone who hasn’t. It shouldn’t be that way but that’s how it works. Apparently, you can find connections but I don’t know how that really works. I think it’s awkward to get in touch with a person you never even met. This thing about branding yourself to get your dream job is unnatural. Since when have humans become products? If you have your own business, then branding is good but in a job search, I think not. Then only the young and the beautiful will get a job. Why do I even bother with this whole job search thing? It’s too complex when it shouldn’t. I better just be unemployed for the rest of my life. But that’s a destiny I’m not gonna accept.

A quest for answers

quest in scrabble letters
Make in Canva

My life has always been a quest for answers when it comes to what I want to do for a living. That’s probably one of the reasons why I haven’t find anything else that most people have. When others are getting married and having kids, I’m thinking about what I want to do with my life. Even people much younger than me have a goal. But I’m not jealous. I’m selfish in a way that I live for myself and I don’t have to financially support anyone else. I like the freedom I have and I hope it won’t change. Past experiences have taught me not to get attached to other people. It might sound sad to some people but I don’t see it that way. Besides, I hate trying to impress people. I’m too old for that. If people can’t accept for the person I am, then it’s really their problem. I change for no one.

Having different educations won’t get you a job. A great looking resume is worthless if there is no content. In this case, job experiences. You would think employers would appreciate that you at least did something but no only a real job with real pay is acceptable. I’ve had this thought in my head some days ago, ‘I’m not good enough for working life and too lazy for entrepreneurship’. The last one is probably true because I would have started it already. Some say you should apply for a job outside your own field but why study something for years and apply for something else anyway. I see no point in that. I will rather be without a job than be in a job I don’t like. I’ve been in those internship places and it wasn’t a nice feeling at all. I can’t even do all jobs and you probably have to have experience for them too. It’s so easy to tell another person to find a job or study to an occupation you’re not interested in. Life is too short to be doing things you hate doing. Job search is a business these days and you can’t just walk right in. Besides, some companies are cheapskates (or they don’t have enough money to hire) and they have no idea what the rejected feels like.

I studied a lot so it feels like I’m collecting diplomas. I studied because that was the only way I could feel I was doing something. I also like learning new things. I was confused about what interested me the most because I changed my mind a lot. Nothing felt like me. Once I wanted to be a screenplay writer and the next a journalist. None of them felt right. Even now when I’ve focused on design, it still feels like I’m not for that either. I should really feel more confident because if you don’t believe in yourself, who will? When I studied photography in this same school as I am now, Helsinki Design School, I wanted more than that. So I studied web design. Then I thought, I wanted something more so it became graphic design. I wanted to combine those three because they’re so close together. Even though I haven’t found a job, I don’t think I studied in vain. I studied because I wanted to. I experienced something I wouldn’t have otherwise. In photography, I’ve never been in a photo studio. Except when I was a child and we had a photo taken by a pro. But as a photographer, it was a new experience. You should always find something positive even if the education you have/had hasn’t been what you expected.

A last note about the post I wrote the day before yesterday. I sent the application to the internship position yesterday. This is what I wrote in the, why I’m good for the position.

I’m studying graphic design at the moment and an internship would be a great opportunity for me to learn new things. I have the skills that the position requires and I’m always keen to get better at it. I want to join an international team with the same passion for design as myself. I get along very well with people from different walks of life. I’m trustworthy and I finish tasks I’m given on time.

In the end, it doesn’t really matter if I get it or not. They probably gonna choose someone younger anyway. Since there is no pay, it isn’t really a big deal. But we’ll see. I don’t really even know if it was a job application or a registration. It might take a while before I get a reply from them or if there won’t be any in the first place. If it isn’t meant to be, then it isn’t.

Vital decisions for the future

job in the bible

Being unemployed sucks even if you get benefits and you get by somehow. But not having a job is no fun. Some people do everything right but yet they won’t get hired. Then for those who have succeeded to get a job, they think if they have then anyone can. Sorry to burst their bubble but everyone isn’t as lucky. It’s easy to tell others how to do things but finding a job is not like snapping your fingers. It’s great that people find jobs but that won’t help those who don’t.

I have to make vital decisions for the future. It’s not like my life depend on it though. It’s not that desperate. But it can’t go on like this forever. It’s already 3rd week of this year and I haven’t done anything. I have that studying thing which is next week again but that’s it. I should have something else too. I had a job suggestion in my email but I had no idea what the job was. I read it a few times and I still didn’t get it. It wasn’t the job I was looking for either. At least I’m not totally visible. Moving on. I found an internship place but it’s without pay. At least it’s closer to the subject I study now. In the application (which is online and in English) there’s this question I don’t know what to answer to.

Why would you be the best choice for the position(s)?

I tried to find answers to what you could answer to that question online but I didn’t find what I was looking for. I even asked on Twitter but as usual social media failed me again. I guess I’m left to my own advice again. Unless anyone who reads this has any suggestions? Something that could work. Just in general and not necessary to this application. Please, do comment if you want. I’m probably gonna find a solution to this problem before that. But still, I’m only asking.

The reason why I hate job search is questions like these. I never know what to reply so I don’t even bother applying. It’s so stressful. I’ve seen some funny memes on Pinterest about what to say in a job interview. But you can’t say those things in real life. One was, “Why should we hire you?” Answer, “Because you’re hiring?!” You really need to put yourself in the employer’s shoes. It can’t be easy for them either. They get a lot of applications and they have to choose who to ask for an interview. They must be really lucky if they find the right person for the job at first try. That’s why it’s so difficult for the job seeker to answer questions. You have to stand out but how do you know if you did stand out? Maybe someone gives the same kind of answer you do. There are so many tips online what to write in a job application. But then there are others who might have seen the same ones and uses that. Using tips you find online still doesn’t get you a job. It’s a jungle out there in the job search world.

Introverts nightmare, How to sell yourself? That sounds like prostitution. But that’s an “It” thing these days. “Elevator pitch” is a better word for it. But us Finns don’t talk in elevators. We stay quiet until we get out of it. Joke aside. No one ever stays long enough to hear me. As soon as they see me, they’re already judging me. Maybe not that easy though. I’m exaggerating a bit there. I can’t describe myself in 30 seconds. It takes less than that since I don’t know what to say. If I do it’s usually negative things but you can’t say that out loud. I’m not very good with words in general. It’s different when it comes to writing fiction. I wish I could use that in my daily life. It would be much easier if I could describe myself like Loki does in Avengers- Infinity war.

I, Loki, prince of Asgard… Odinson… the rightful king of the Jotunheim… god of mischief… do hereby pledge to you… my undying fidelity.

See, much easier. Mine would stop at my name and then a long pause. If it was being said out loud that it. If I had to reply by writing then I would have time to think.

I think I found out what to write to that internship application while writing this post. I write what when I have. But still, I would like to know what you would answer to this question. For any occupation. “Why would you be the best choice for the position(s)?”