When I’ll post this, it will already be 2015 (I started this post on December 30, 2014). But it will not mean I’m gonna change. I’m not gonna become a different person just because the year changes. I’m just gonna be another year older.
Some say I should be more social. Even the newspaper I was as an intern in as a photographer, mentioned it in the after report. I don’t know how social they wanted me to be. I was only there for 2 weeks. I can’t become social over night. And I did talk to my co-workers which was an achievement for an introvert like me. This word “social” bugs me. What is it anyway? You can be social without having to talk nonsense. I guess you can’t be a photographer if you’re not social. BS I say. I’m an introvert, not mute. I’m not gonna become something else just because someone tells me to.
You can’t tell a person what kind of personality they should have. If you’re an introvert, you are. It’s like saying to an extrovert to become more introvert. We all have H20 but the difference is, we all have different personalities. And being an introvert is a personality, not a decease. Extroverts should take examples from introverts. Only talk when you’ve something important to say. If you don’t have any important to say, don’t say it at all. If I had a motto, that would be it.
I don’t do New Year’s resolutions but one thing’s for sure, I will continue to be what I am. If people won’t respect that, then too bad.
I take you back to 5th grade. The year is beside the point. I was in this class the 2nd year. I had to take 4th grade twice so I had to leave my old class. The 1st year in this new class went OK. It was the 5th that turn into hell. There was this girl who seem to have issues with me. I wasn’t bullied the way some people are. But she somehow turned the other girls against me. It was whispering behind my back and leaving me outside the group. That is one kind of bullying I guess. I could feel they didn’t want me to be around them. I was all alone. School didn’t taste good so I was rather not there. I played hooky quite a lot because of that.
Group work was the worst. I really disliked that in the future. P.E. wasn’t fun either. I don’t know why the teacher let the pupils choose which ones should be in their team. I was good at sport and yet no one wanted me in theirs. This girl was awful at it. In general she was kind of stuck up. She was one of those that never got any spots. Miss Perfect herself (that’s what I think now) She wasn’t perfect at all. She wasn’t good in Math either.
Years later, I saw her in another school. I don’t know if she recognised me or not. It doesn’t matter. She didn’t seem to be that childish anymore anyway. I didn’t go to that school that long (for a different reason). I only saw her there once. I didn’t want anything to do with her. People like her are a waste of my time. I found out years later that she had cut a school at some point and worked somewhere. She didn’t become anything special which is a bit like, ha ha, in your face.
I wish I had said something to her in 5th grade. I would have told her where to get off. The worse thing was that she couldn’t say it to my face. Instead she said something to her friend and that friend told me (that friend used to my friend. Bloody backstabber :P) She didn’t want to sit by the same table in the diner because I had spots on my face. The friend suggested I should use some cream to make them disappear. Another thing was that I had some line on my nose that she didn’t like. It was just silly reasons. I didn’t say anything but if it was happening today, I would have said something to her. I think it was more than just some imperfect feature. I’ve thought about the time and came to the conclusion, she was just jealous. Maybe because I was good at sport or good at something else. Like I wrote, it doesn’t matter. I got rid of her and I don’t care anymore.
One thing I’ve learned through that experience. I will never let anyone treat me like that again. I’m a much stronger person now that I was then. It hasn’t put me down. Maybe that experience has had some effect on me. I’m careful with whom I confide in. I’m a private person and I don’t trust people. That’s the reason I don’t blog about personal things that often. If life would only be like blogging. Edit when you haven’t said something you wish you had.
Will you find any irony in this post? I still don’t know what the real meaning is. Irony is not what Alanis Morissette sings about in ‘Ironic’. So thank you so much, Alanis. All these years I thought that’s what you’re singing about. But no, no, no. When the lyrics say “Isn’t it Ironic”, it should be “It isn’t ironic” Maybe that’s the joke in the song. Singing about irony when it’s just about bad luck. Sarcasm I can do, which is closer to irony (I looked it up) but irony itself just makes me feel dumb. Listen to lyrics in English doesn’t make me smarter either. That’s the reason I’ve never cared for song lyrics. It’s all about music.
Speaking of which. Music was my first love. I always loved music. It’s a good remedy for everything. I feel really old when I hear about new bands or singers. I don’t follow the music scene the way I used to so I’m out of the new ones. I don’t really care about them anyway. Music these days is quite awful. Some are good but most of them are crap to put it nicely. I prefer bands and singers that have been around for years. Like Duran Duran.
Now there’s a band that never gets old. Even songs they’ve released over 20 years ago, still sound like they were made yesterday. Try that with new bands these day. Will their music still sound great in, let’s say, 30 years? I very much doubt it. Duran Duran still together even. They are a good example how a band can stick together no matter what happens. They’re so popular that even MTV banned their video ‘Girl Panic!” Which is silly really because music videos are much worse than that. All they had were 2 girls kissing each other when other bands or singers videos have half-naked people in them.
Difficult to write irony things when you don’t even know what it means. Actually I know what it is but I have no idea how to write irony. I’m talentless like that. I know I can write but I don’t know how to write irony.