Always dubious

November 14, 2017 Mia1 Comment

Sometimes I feel like I don’t really know what I want from life. I’m always dubious about my skills. Am I good enough? Do other people see me as an uncertain person who has a low self-esteem? Am I too negative? I constantly doubt myself. I should be confident and believe in me. If I don’t believe in myself, how can I expect others to do the same? I shouldn’t compare myself to others but when I see other people work on Behance for example, I feel I never have a chance. They have done more in design than me and they’re younger. I’m only started and they’ve done it for years. I don’t have much to show. If I apply for a job, I know I won’t get it. They take someone who’s done a lot of things. I’m never even had a real job but at least I’ve had clients. It was on the job learning but it still should count.

What I dislike the most about the job search is writing a cover letter. I never know how to start and what to write. I can’t find words to describe myself. Another problem is, do I have enough knowledge to do the job? It’s not like I keep practising my skills. It feels like my style is not good enough to get a job. I have these ideas but maybe they just look good in my head. It’s difficult for me to judge my own work. At the moment I’m planning some self-promotion but it feels all the work will be a waste. I don’t want to waste time on something that has no value in the end. I also get distracted easily. Watching a video or writing fiction seems more interesting than a doing actual job. In my case, practice.

I would think I would know by now what I actually want. But I’m still confused. I’m too dubious about things I do and think. I probably change my mind like Madonna changes styles. If I got the doubt out of my mind, things would be easier. Now I just run around in circles. I applied for one job at least while I thought about what to write in this post. That’s something at least. I could say fingers crossed but I still doubt I’ll even get an interview. You never know if you don’t try, right?

One riff at the time

November 13, 2017November 13, 2017 Mia4 Comments

quitar riff I take days as they come. In another word, one riff at a time. I don’t like to plan ahead because if I do, things won’t go the way I want it. I’ve had too many disappointments in my life.

If I don’t know what I’m doing tomorrow. How would I know what I do in 5 years? I might have plans for a few days at a time but not what I do in the long run. I like it that way because life is full of surprises. You never know where it will take you. I thought my mother would have been around for years but cancer took her away. That’s something you can’t plan. I lived day by day even more after that.

When I started this blog, I didn’t think it would interest people. Maybe a few but I never thought I would get over 400 followers. That might not sound a lot a lot but for me, it’s a great achievement. It’s taken at least 4 years getting here but better late than never. This not blog doesn’t have fashion, food or any other subjects out there. That was the whole point of starting this. Being different. Blogging doesn’t need to be something you make money from. It can also be a hobby. So if I had planned how this blog would be, it would have ended in tears. But since I didn’t have high expectations or any goals, I haven’t had the need to be disappointed. I’ve taken one riff at a time. From one post to another and will continue so.

I can always wish what could happen but that only makes me sad inside. Too many times I’ve dreamed about things but they’ll never be a reality. It’s dreams that are impossible to fulfil. I’ll never meet people I want to meet. I’ll never get a chance to experience what I want to experience. But these things come and go. Some things are not meant to be and that’s OK. Fantasy and reality are two different things. You have to take what is given and make the best out of it. I take one riff at the time. If people want to plan their life on year bases, I let them. It just isn’t for me. I like to be surprised. I wish they would be something positive for a change.

Tallenna