Walking in the shadows

Silhouette skyMaybe I should stop using social media altogether. I don’t get much reaction very often from what I post there. It feels like walking in the shadows. Not even a single silhouette of me. It’s like talking to a wall or myself. Then again talking to myself isn’t bad. How could I have an intellectual conversation otherwise? A lot of people post things I don’t really care about. Comparing my life with theirs, at least they have an exciting one. Nothing much happens in mine. Social media can be a very depressive place. If you feel down, it’s better to avoid it altogether. I rather do something else than be online.

They say you can use social media in a job search. Oh really? It doesn’t work for everyone. LinkedIn is quite overrated too. I’ve only got one message from a recruiter and that was last year. I think using your energy to something else is a much better choice. Maybe it can work for some but I’m walking in the shadow where no one notices no matter what I do. My network only got 5 people which is even less effective. Apparently, I’m not that interesting to recruiters. But that’s no surprise. They say job search is like dating but I have no luck in that either. At least I’m not alone. A lot of other people have the same problems.
Self- employment is the other option. What worries me about having an own business, is how can I find clients, if my personal account doesn’t get much attention? Getting yourself out there shouldn’t be this hard but what can you do when there are a thousand of others trying to do the same.

I wonder if I chose the wrong occupation, design (web and graphic). There are not many job offers for someone who hasn’t had that much experience. Young people who started in their teens with design versus someone who changed careers at 30 something. Who gets the job? The young person because they’re the future obviously. That’s what the employers are looking for. It’s not just design but photography as well. You must be quite good to get hired. With my skills it’s impossible. I’ve tried to practice drawing lately but I feel it’s a lost cause. Honestly, I’m not that excited about drawing. I would definitely not get a job where it’s required. At least not with this one I drew last night.

groot drawing
Baby Groot by me

My father is a good drawer so he said practice makes you better but I don’t think that works for me. You need the passion for it. I wish I could be as excited about it as I am in fan fiction writing. Other jobs seem so boring. At least in design, you can do the job anywhere. Whatever others say, this is my final decision and nothing will make me change my mind. Then again, that’s what I thought about photography too and that failed.

If I didn’t have this blog and support from you, the reader, I wouldn’t have the motivation to keep going. I would feel useless and untalented. I would probably be suffering from depression if I let negative thoughts enter my mind. I might feel down for a while but unlike depression, it’s just a passing feeling. I don’t want to be famous, I just want someone to believe in what I do. Walking in the shadows should be temporary but no one seems to have the courage to speak up. I rather hear negative comments about my skills than hearing no comments at all. But they don’t need to be criticising. You can say things nicely. If no one never gives advice or comments about what they like about your work, how can you get better? I just want to know if I really have the skill I think I have. I don’t want to continue something I have no future with. That goes with anything life has to offer.

Dominate versus submission

dom vs sub

Before anyone even considering what the post title really say, this post has nothing to do with sex. This is about holding your ground and not letting other people dominate you. It’s easy to do what others want you to do because you don’t want to hurt people’s feelings. But sometimes you can’t please everybody. You have to learn to say no. We’re not robots who never gets tired. You might think some people never sleep. Especially young people who seem to be out late at night on a weekday. Everybody needs enough of rest to function.

I hate when people want me to do things if I don’t feel like it or I’m too tired. In a way, I’m lucky I don’t have a boss or friends who want me to come to places. Other people stress me out. According to my father, I’m always been stubborn since I was a child. I’m always had my own mind. I’m not easily ‘corrupted’ I don’t believe everything I hear or see. I don’t follow trends that others seem to. It feels like I’m one of the few who still can think for themselves. You can be the smartest person on the planet but still, have no common sense. I want to dominate my own life and sometimes someone else. I don’t force people to do things but I do wish they could think for themselves.

The only time when I can be submissive is in a job where I get paid to do an assignment Even then there is a limit. If a job takes over my relax time, then I can say no. No job should be that important that you can’t have another life. So being both dominated and submissive is good but not all the time. You need to be nice to people but not let them walk over you. Too much is too much in every aspect of life.

Think before speaking


I never did or said anything candid. I always think before I speak. That’s something some people should try. You don’t need to have an opinion on everything. Some things you should keep to yourself. There’s a lot of those people on social media that post just about anything about their life. Then they wonder why their photos get spread around the internet. Like these nude photos, people post about themselves. What kind of idiot even take those in the first place? You can really blame yourself if your photos get into the wrong hands. Some people don’t seem to understand how the internet works. That’s why think before speaking is a skill to have. You better be safe than sorry.

Maybe the only time I can be candid is writing this blog. But here I have time to think. In other conversations, I don’t say straight away what I’m thinking. Except if it’s a person I known for a long time. I also don’t do things without thinking first. My decision making is slow because of this. I look things in different angles before doing anything. In the world that is fast-paced, everyone seems to be in a hurry. I don’t want to be in the same mould as everyone else. If people have problems with my “slowness” then too bad. If I don’t experience something at a certain age then it wasn’t meant to be.