Tag: about me

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder

Mia3 Comments

What is beauty? Who defines it? We all have different tastes and you can’t tell a person they’re wrong if they think someone is beautiful. Yes men can be that too. It’s a matter of opinion what it is. Beauty is not about your appearance, it’s what you feel inside and how you represent yourself that counts. Maybe pretty people don’t agree but that’s the truth.

If you have a pretty face but are ugly on the inside, looks doesn’t matter. The reason why I don’t understand these most beautiful woman or sexiest man alive polls is because we all have different tastes. These polls are unnecessary. They only choose people who are in the public eye at the time. I know a lot of men who are much better looking than the ones who gets these “awards” but because they’re not “In”, they won’t be recognised.
There is a lot of talk about Jennifer Aniston being voted the most beautiful women in the world 2016 about how wrong it was. Some said “Are they blind?” But that’s just one opinion. Some people just take these polls too seriously. Every year there is a new one so what’s the point fighting about it. It’s the same with beauty contests. Ideals change as the world changes. Why are people so petty when it comes to other people’s looks?

So what is beauty? Is it perfect skin, slim figure and a killer smile? Or is it a great personality, a person who cares about other people and awesome in many ways? For me beauty is the latter. There is no such thing as “ugly” In every person there’s something beautiful about them. Even she who was voted for the ugliest women in the world which I found insulting. People can be so cruel but she handled it well. You can’t change the way you look. You might try plastic surgery but what’s the use. You only live once. It’s better to just accept who you are. Natural is more beautiful than fake anyway.

I think only once someone had said I was beautiful but I don’t really need someone to say it. When I look at myself, there are times I feel really ugly but then there are days I’m alright about my looks. Photos are different. I hate myself in photos. I might be superficial when it comes to men but so are men who are not handsome and yet wants a beautiful women. Why can’t it be the other way around? It’s because the society expects to see women dress nice and wearing make-up. The fair sex. If you don’t fit into that category then you’re an outcast, a misfit.
I’m a tomboy and I hate girly stuff. I’m one of those rare one’s who rather get dirty than put on a skirt and make-up. I love watching sport and I’m also good at doing it. That was one of my favorite subjects in school. Especially when it was outside. I’m not afraid to break a nail (they’re not that long either 😀 ) I can’t understand how someone can wear high heels. I could never walk in those.
I feel different inside. Looking in the mirror I don’t see the person I feel. It’s a mismatch. I wish people could see me the way I see myself. Trying not to be overconfident but I do have an interesting personality. Everyone should feel proud about themselves. We’re all unique in our special ways. I just wish there were more people who could see others beyond looks. Not to judge someone by just looking at them. You should get to know that person first and that’s the only way to get to know them personally.

Especially men seem to have problems with women’s looks. They expect all women to look like models and if you’re not, they don’t even look your way. I think the reason is the way media represent ideals of how to look like. In movies and TV you see beautiful people all the time. It’s no wonder kids get the wrong idea about how to look like. Then you see in magazines tips about how to look better or how to lose weight. The list is long. Every teenager will go through these issues like I did. But as I’ve got older I’ve gained enough of confidence not to compare myself to others. I’m not gonna change just to fit in. I’m too smart for that. I’m not afraid to be different. It’s other people who should accept me for who I am and how I look like. No one is perfect. Not even the most beautiful.

Beauty doesn’t see age. A beautiful person doesn’t have to be young as Hollywood seems to think. It’s unfair that when men get older it builds character but when women does, their past it. I’m glad I’m not a famous person. I can get old with dignity and not be criticised for the way I look or live. Life is beautiful. What would it be if we all look and felt the same? Young or old and everything in between, the real beauty comes from within.

Coming out of the closet

Mia3 Comments

nightmareFirst of all, the title can mean a lot of things and it doesn’t necessarily mean revealing your real sexuality. It can also mean coming out from your shell or coming out to reveal something about yourself no on knows about. I know I don’t write about my personal life on this blog. But this post is not really about that. It’s more of revealing something about the person I am. Some things can become as a shock or a surprise but I hope no one thinks badly of me.

I’ve always known my own sexuality and never doubted it. Since I was 9 I knew I liked boys. My first crush was a boy from a family we went skiing with to Lapland. He was a very good skier which I was a bit jealous of. He had lessons but I’ve only been taught by my dad. Anyway, that crush didn’t take long. He said something hurtful to me which put me right off. It was probably something silly but still I stopped crushing him. Just as well. He got married young and yadda yadda. We only met on those ski trips which lasted one week so it wasn’t important. Besides crushes come and go.

I have never had a crush on a girl. I did have some kind of encounter with one once but I don’t actually remember how. It was something about touching each others tongues just to see what it tasted like. Or something else silly. I was a child at the time so it could have been anything. Otherwise I’ve never even looked at a girl that way. Honestly a naked female body is prettier than a male one. But that has nothing to do with my sexuality. There a lot of woman I find beautiful but that’s not gay at all. Maybe a bit jealous but being beautiful does have its disadvantages.

Sexuality is a funny thing. There are men who are afraid to touch another men because they’re afraid they’ll be labelled as gay. But in sport they have no problems at all. When females touch each other (like hugging) it’s a natural thing. In movies and TV shows men find it sexy when two females mud wrestler or kiss each other. That’s a stereotype I don’t really understand. Is it really like that in real life? Do men find it sexy that two females participate in acts like that? I do admit seeing two men doing stuff like that does look kind of sexy. I’ve not always thought so. Even reading slash fiction was turn-off but now I fully understand what people see in them.

Why must there be a label on everything? When I was younger (feel really old now) you were either straight, homosexual, bi and transsexual. Now there’s demisexual and semisexual. Just to mention a few. If there weren’t internet I would have never even heard those words. No wonder young people these days have trouble finding their sexuality. It doesn’t really matter what you are. You are human nevertheless. We all have needs. Love is not just for young and the beautiful. Even I who are shy around this subject have needs but I’m all talk and no action. I’m too embarrassed to admit normal human actions. I rather shy away from those kind of feelings in public. I prefer keeping things to myself and live in my little bubble. In my fantasy world where things go perfectly. A world where no one has a look in.

I’m more open-minded about sexuality than I was before. It wasn’t that long ago when I felt disgusted. There were things I didn’t want to see or think about. Like slash fiction that I mentioned before. I couldn’t see two straight characters being sexually attracted to each other. But after discovering I actually find it a turn on. But that’s just in fiction. I don’t think I would want to see that kind of things in real life. In a way I am a prude but at the same time curious but I wouldn’t act on it. I do watch Game of Thrones for crying out loud.

I always seem to fall for guys that don’t even know I’m alive and men I’ll never meet. E.g. singers and actors. The reason for that must be because no one has really been interested in me and when someone have, it has felt embarrassing. It’s never mutual either. I don’t stress about not having anyone. I’m picky and it takes ages before I fall for someone. It’s much easier to like someone when you see your crushes on TV or in movies. I’ve thought too much about what to do for a living than in relationships. When you don’t attract anyone it’s easy to concentrate on other things. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not I don’t have enough of confidence when it comes to relationships. I find more positive things for not having anyone. Sometimes I wish I could find someone who gives me the same feelings I have towards men I can’t have. But the independent me tells me I don’t need a man to be happy. To tell you the truth, no man in real life have ever given me sexual feelings. Maybe once but that was a lost cause. I like men who see me as a person and doesn’t care how I dress or my appearance in general. If there’s no such man, I rather be alone because I’m not gonna try to impress anyone. Call me a misfit but I’m not gonna be in the same mold as the other woman out there. It’s a shame men don’t even bother getting to know me. They just see how I look like and run. But that’s their loss.

So now I’ve come out of that closet. It’s more of a confession really. I hope I haven’t offended anyone but that’s how I am. Honesty is the best policy after all.

Be true to yourself and other’s will follow.

Snap out of it!

Mia1 Comment

dizzyThere are times when I live in this fantasy world where everything is easy and simple. But then I tell myself to snap out of it. Life is not easy. You won’t get the exact job you want nor the person you really love. Things doesn’t go the way you imagine it in real life. There are a lot of things that is in the way of your wishes.

I find myself caught up in the fan fiction I write. I rather live in that world than this one. But then I snap out of it. It’s just a story and it’s not real. People don’t realise that what I write in those stories are actually things I like. In real life I wouldn’t show that side of me to other people. Except for a really special “friend”. It’s not that I’m embarrassed, it’s just things I rather keep to myself. I don’t want to give a weird impression of me. I should snap out of this. I said too much.

I also get negative thoughts about my career choices. I feel I’ll never get a job because I’m too much of a coward. It does feel hopeless and I feel like giving up. I’m not confident about my skills either. Am I even good enough to do a job? But then I snap out of it. I tell myself not to give up. There are people with worse problems. Some people don’t even have a home so why am I complaining?

If I didn’t have this fantasy world in my head, I don’t know how I would survive this life unharmed. I need this escape from reality. That’s one of the reasons music, television and movies are a big part of my life. The same with writing fiction. I must have a way to write down my thoughts and desires. I don’t want to snap out from make-believe. I like being there from time to time. It makes me happy and it makes me feel good. Everybody needs a reason to live and to me that’s it.