Repost: Going around a circle

Nothing much has happened after that. My life is still circular and there is no end. Look for a job outside your field, they say. I’ve tried that but I get nothing there either. An outcast for life in getting a job, I guess.

PUBLISHED ON September 30, 2017circles


Stuck in a rut. Going nowhere. Stand still. Going around in circles. You name it. My life is a circle. Nothing really exciting happens and when it does, it always ends. It’s not like I want to have excitement in my life. But it would be nice to have something. Especially earning my own money. I haven’t found a job and it’s already October (tomorrow) I sleep late and when I wake up, half the day is gone. I do work better in the evening but then I’m lazy and rather watch something online instead. It’s useless to wake up early in the morning when I don’t have a reason to. I also go to bed late. Sometimes I’m still up at 4 am. I sleep really well but it’s going to bed early which is the problem.

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Someday that did not happen

big treeWhen I was younger, I used to have dreams about things. Someday I would move abroad. Someday I would become something. Someday I would find someone to love. Someday I would find a career I’m comfortable with. Someday I’ll become a Formula 1 photographer. But that someday never came. Things never turned the way I wanted them to be. I learned to accept the way things were. Now I wouldn’t have the same goals as I did then. My priorities changed as I got older. I began to take the days as they came and I still do. I don’t plan far ahead because I know they won’t become true. No matter what others say, it won’t happen to me. If it would, it would have happened ages ago. I’ll never meet people I want. I never get satisfaction in anything I do. I’m pleased with things but I never feel 100% sure. I live in a world where everything is good. I don’t want to the worlds problems on my shoulders. There are things I care about but I wouldn’t spend my time by following them for very long. Things will never be fine in the world. I can feel empathy but it doesn’t make me lose my sleep over it. I’ve got enough of my own problems to solve. I would be a very bad psychologist because I found other people’s problems uninteresting. Even if I’m interested in human behaviour, I still wouldn’t care less. It might have sounded bad about what I just wrote but other people’s problems are no concern of mine. I don’t expect others to care about mine either.

I might be pessimistic here but I don’t believe in someday. There won’t be a cure for cancer someday. There won’t be peace in the world someday. We can only hope there is a cure but it doesn’t mean it will come true. There’s always been bad things in the world. Things can get better but it will never be over. You can’t get rid of hate and you can’t spread love to everyone. Idiots of the world has always been and always will be around. You can make the world a better place by spreading love but it won’t have any affect on certain people. It’s no use to think someday a miracle would happen when that someday will never come no matter how much you wish for it. Still it doesn’t mean you have to give up on the someday. Maybe it will come or it might not.

That someday only happen to other people than yourself. Someday someone wins the lottery but that won’t be me. Someday a little child hugs you for no reason at all but that ain’t gonna be me. Someone else will meet a famous person they look up to someday but not me. I’ll never be that lucky. I will not find love someday because I’m not even looking. If I did, he’s probably taken or wouldn’t even care. I did think someday I would change the subjects on this blog to more personal but that never happened. Someday is not really my friend. On the contrary, it’s a pain in the behind. The only certainty that someday will happen is death. It comes to all of us one way or another.