Dreams sinken quicken

on the seaI should never have my hopes up. At first I had 3 possible clients and now only two. Story of my life. People need someone with more experience but how can you become better if no one gives you a chance? It *sinken quicken no matter what I wish for. Losing one client is not the end of the world though. If I lose one more, I’ll never graduate if I won’t get any client work. In a way I knew I would lose a client as soon as I showed my portfolio. At least there’s one worry less. Yet it bugs me. I’ll do it for free but people see it as a risk because I’m still a student. People always seems to want what everybody else does. There’s so many of these flashy sites, they all look the same. What happened to simple things? Maybe other dream of mine will be shattered once again. I might just have an early retirement before turning 40. A poor old woman with no work experience and no retirement fund. OK maybe I’m being a little too dramatic. But that’s how it feels sometimes.

If finding clients for a school project, how can find clients when I’m on my own? I don’t know what I’ll become after this education but working with people has been something I can see myself doing. It has been difficult with the coding and stuff but everybody has had the same problems in the beginning. I’ve disappointed so many times when it comes to jobs so I don’t dare to dream big dreams anymore. I thought photography would be my job but that dream has been dashed a few years ago. Everything seems to take years so soon I’m getting too old to start something new again. My mother will turn in her grave if I still haven’t got a job when I’m over 40. It gets harder the older you get, she always said to me and she was right. Especially with the age discrimination. You have to be 20 something and have a lot of experience. No one seems to want to hire someone who’s older with less work experience. In a creative job, it’s never too late to start. A lot of people older than me has begun a new career. Even if mine has never really started, this is a new career for me. I wish I could have got this idea much sooner but I was too busy trying to find a job in photography. If this fails, I don’t know what else to do. I have no more ideas what I want to be.

Getting ideas has never been my strongest suit. That’s one of the reasons why I didn’t continue my studies in graphic design. The other thing was the lack of drawing skills even if you don’t need to be good at it. But the idea part has always been a nightmare to me. I’m better at doing what others want me to do. Even then I have to look at tutorials before I can do anything. It depends what kind of project I’m working on. In web design you need to get new ideas too so why do I keep finding all these creative things to study? I guess it’s my heritage. My dad is creative as well so that must be it. For me it just has taken a lot longer to realise what kind of job I want to do. I really hope this road I’m taking right now, won’t sinken quicken or else I’ll be hanging around doing nothing again. I really hope my unemployment days will be over for good.

*sink in German

Snow baby

snowy street
Snow came 2 days ago

I am a snow baby no matter what age I get. It’s been snowing and it’s snowing again at this moment. But it will melt next week when the rain arrives. Then life blows again. I love walking on it and in it. In the Southern Finland, it’s never certain if there will be snow in the winter. This year those days were only a few. Weather here is weird. One day it’s sunny and there’s signs of spring. The next it’s snowing and it’s cold. Every year it surprises drivers. The schools and work places never get shut because of snow. Trains and buses gets in trouble but we still manage to continue with our lives. It’s not like in America where a little snow stops everything. Here we find it silly.

This week the South had a winter holiday so the snow came right on time. Unfortunately it was in the end of the week. I haven’t skied in years but walking in it, is good enough. It’s so soft but also it makes your feet tired. It’s good exercise and makes you warm. Snow can be a problem for drivers. They have to clean their window shields from the snow and maybe have troubles with starting their engines. But it’s not my concern since I don’t even have a driver’s license 🙂 I shouldn’t gloat for other people’s troubles but I still do. I can only enjoy the snow as much as I can. I live in Finland because of the snow. Without it, life would be much duller.

But snow does has its disadvantages and one of them is the melting process. When it’s gets warmer and it’s rain, it turns to slush. Then it’s no fun. Your winter boots get wet and you need to be careful where you walk. If it’s get cold again, it becomes ice and you can slip. I’ve slipped so many times, I walk much more careful now. I sprained my left hand once and I had to wear a cast for at least 6 weeks. It was the worse thing I’ve ever experienced and I never want to go through that again. Everytime I’m close to slip, my hearts skips a bit and I get cold sweat. I slipt once this year but luckily I didn’t break anything. An awful pain was the only thing and I don’t like it one bit. So there should be snow or no snow at all and nothing in between.

In the end the snow will go away and spring will come. That’s something that will never change. People should have it in mind that things can look bad now with all the snow but it won’t last forever. We don’t live in the Game of Thrones universe where winter can last several years. Even if winter is my favorite season, I still hope the spring will arrive soon. There is a time and a place for everything. I’m a snow baby who’s born in the beginning of summer. Yet I’m waiting for warmer days in anticipation like everyone else. We have four seasons and that’s a blessing.