Dreams sinken quicken

on the seaI should never have my hopes up. At first I had 3 possible clients and now only two. Story of my life. People need someone with more experience but how can you become better if no one gives you a chance? It *sinken quicken no matter what I wish for. Losing one client is not the end of the world though. If I lose one more, I’ll never graduate if I won’t get any client work. In a way I knew I would lose a client as soon as I showed my portfolio. At least there’s one worry less. Yet it bugs me. I’ll do it for free but people see it as a risk because I’m still a student. People always seems to want what everybody else does. There’s so many of these flashy sites, they all look the same. What happened to simple things? Maybe other dream of mine will be shattered once again. I might just have an early retirement before turning 40. A poor old woman with no work experience and no retirement fund. OK maybe I’m being a little too dramatic. But that’s how it feels sometimes.

If finding clients for a school project, how can find clients when I’m on my own? I don’t know what I’ll become after this education but working with people has been something I can see myself doing. It has been difficult with the coding and stuff but everybody has had the same problems in the beginning. I’ve disappointed so many times when it comes to jobs so I don’t dare to dream big dreams anymore. I thought photography would be my job but that dream has been dashed a few years ago. Everything seems to take years so soon I’m getting too old to start something new again. My mother will turn in her grave if I still haven’t got a job when I’m over 40. It gets harder the older you get, she always said to me and she was right. Especially with the age discrimination. You have to be 20 something and have a lot of experience. No one seems to want to hire someone who’s older with less work experience. In a creative job, it’s never too late to start. A lot of people older than me has begun a new career. Even if mine has never really started, this is a new career for me. I wish I could have got this idea much sooner but I was too busy trying to find a job in photography. If this fails, I don’t know what else to do. I have no more ideas what I want to be.

Getting ideas has never been my strongest suit. That’s one of the reasons why I didn’t continue my studies in graphic design. The other thing was the lack of drawing skills even if you don’t need to be good at it. But the idea part has always been a nightmare to me. I’m better at doing what others want me to do. Even then I have to look at tutorials before I can do anything. It depends what kind of project I’m working on. In web design you need to get new ideas too so why do I keep finding all these creative things to study? I guess it’s my heritage. My dad is creative as well so that must be it. For me it just has taken a lot longer to realise what kind of job I want to do. I really hope this road I’m taking right now, won’t sinken quicken or else I’ll be hanging around doing nothing again. I really hope my unemployment days will be over for good.

*sink in German

One thought on “Dreams sinken quicken

I know you're there. Why do you linger in the shadows?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.