Leaves you answered with a question mark

The world is full of questions. It doesn’t matter what age you are, it always makes you bewildered. Some questions bring more questions. Some questions can’t be answered since there are different opinions. Some things no one has found the right answer to (e.g. cure for a disease) A question that everyone goes through in their child or adulthood, what to be when you grow up.

That’s something that bewildered me. Some people might find it irritating that I can’t decide. Just do something, they could say. But I don’t want to do just about anything. I’m picky and I don’t like to take risks. Maybe I’m afraid of failure. In a way, I am a perfectionist when it comes to decisions. Even if I did get support from my parents and I wasn’t forced to become something I didn’t want to. I knew what I didn’t want to be. That’s the easiest part. It’s quite rare for me to get excited about something. I might get interested in one thing and the next something totally different. That’s one of the reasons why my resume has a lot of different educations. You would think I could find a job easier because I’ve been through so much. But this is not a perfect world. Here, only job experiences matter. I don’t have a lot of those either. Some ask themselves why they can’t find the one. My question is, why can’t I find the job.

When I was a child I wanted to become a baker because I loved to bake. But then I realised you have to get up early in the morning and baking is not as fun as I thought. Especially when you have to clean everything afterwards. You romanticize occupations you see people do and when you find more about it, it’s not as interesting as you thought. I’m glad I’ve at least had some taste of different jobs through education. I wanted to become a journalist at one point because I wanted to meet celebrities. Then when I studied, I realised how difficult it is. There you need to know how to listen and write at the same time which I can’t do. I didn’t like to write that much either. An author was also one occupation I thought about but then you don’t get paid much for it unless you write a best-seller. At least not in Finland. I’m not that good either that I could make a living from it. Besides, I would probably get bored.

My problem has always been not being focused enough. My interests are so wide-ranged it’s difficult for me to stay at one or two subjects at a time. I’m both an introvert and a Gemini, both get bored easily. I also need my relaxing time. I don’t want my life to be surrounded by work. Unless it’s a job I really love doing. I keep changing my mind when I can’t find a job or I’m uncertain of what I can do. Even this web designer thing is giving me negative thoughts. I’ve found something I want to do but the way things are going, I don’t know if it’s really for me anyway. I know I shouldn’t give up. I should keep looking no matter what that voice keep saying. There are always solutions to most questions. The Internet is heaven for finding answers. It makes you feel less alone with your problems. Today, for example, I had a problem getting to the Admin part of my blog and I found the solution online. Without that this blog post wouldn’t have become reality. So some questions can be answered and you don’t need to be bewildered.