Month: May 2016

So where is my brick?

Mia3 Comments
brick
Source: http://1fotonin.com/group/brick-wall/index.htm

So where is my brick?

Where is this brick everybody is talking about?
The brick that makes you feel alive

That special person who’s there for you
Yes that brick, the human kind

So where is my brick? Do I even need one?
I say I don’t need one but it’s not all true

I want a brick but I can also be without
A brick would be nice but it’s not all that

A brick is there for comfort, to share a life
So where is my brick? Don’t I deserve a brick?

I can be a brick, a strong one
But to make a wall you need another brick, so where is mine?

Tallenna

Over thinking is my curse

Mia2 Comments

warmthI didn’t know what pensive meant so I looked it up online.

The definition of pensive is feeling
sad while deep in thought.

I don’t usually become sad after thinking. On the contrary, it helps me go through things. Last time I felt sad after thinking was when I was supposed to find a practise place but it was a no can do everywhere. There were a few other places I could have asked but I never got that far because I didn’t want to get another rejection. I just chickened out which made me depressed. I’m felt like a failure who’ll never get anywhere because I can’t do one simple thing. I could have just walked into a company and ask but I was over thinking it again.

That’s what I do, think too much. I think about what ifs instead of taking a chance. I can never do anything spontaneous. I analyze everything in my head first. I’m a thinker, not a doer. Everything looks good in my head but I’m never brave enough to do anything. If I plan to go somewhere I keep thinking, should I or should I not. When I think too much about it, I rather do it some other time or not at all. I’ve missed a lot of opportunities because I can’t decide. Also because I’m such a coward. I worry I do something wrong or afraid of failure. I don’t actually no why it feels that way. It’s not the end of the world but still I think too much about things.

I can never achieve anything special because of this over thinking curse I have. I never have many problems when it comes to daily things (what to buy etc.) but when it comes to big decisions, I’m useless at it. If someone asked me to marry them I would probably over think it. Or if I was offered a job I would do the same. Even this post makes me over think so my head starts to hurt. That’s what makes me think of pensive and maybe it does makes me feel a little sad.

 

Buddy X

Mia2 Comments
Nori watching the rain
Nori watching the rain

I’ve never had a buddy and still don’t. My real buddies have been stuffed animals. They’re a substitute for a real pet. My sister was allergic so we couldn’t have any so we didn’t get one later either. Besides having a pet takes a lot of time and money. I always wanted a bunny but they need attention and I’m never at home. Maybe one day when I’m old and retired I’ll get one. I don’t think I’m missed anything for not having a pet. It just hasn’t been an issue. I’ve also been a bit afraid of animals so that’s another reason.

I’ve never had a human buddy. Those kids I grew up with have their own lives. I’ve never been in touch with them either. I don’t need to have a buddy. I’ve managed without one. I don’t really like get to know people in real life. I never talk to strangers. I’m an introvert after all. I never know what to say to people. I hate small talk and I become reserved even in small crowds. That’s why I love the internet. It’s easier to find people with the same interests as me and also from other countries. In a way blogging and social media are my buddies. It’s the safest way. I’m a loner and it would just be too stressful if I had buddies outside the internet. They would probably call all the time and disturb my concentration. It might sound harsh but if you’ve been alone as long as I have, you’ll get used to it. Sometimes I do wish I had a buddy but that feeling doesn’t take long. There are more advantages than disadvantages for not having a buddy. For someone who is used to having people around, this kind of thinking might sound depressing but for me it’s not. It’s liberating and stress free. Other people are just a burden.

I like being around people but only if there are people I know. Other times I feel uncomfortable. I have difficulties to go up to a person and talk to them. So how could I even find a buddy when I terrible at it. Some have no problems at all. I envy those people. If I do talk to a stranger, it always feel embarrassing afterwards. It just doesn’t come naturally to me. Finding a buddy and then keep one is another matter. Maybe I’m just bad at keeping in touch with people. Even if I did follow them on social media, I don’t really write to them. It just feels weird to do so. But what can you do.